This week Innovative Match is proud to share a guest post from author Galen Fultz. Galen illuminates new techniques for inviting "the One" into your life now. The world of 50+ dating is extremely different when compared to the dating experiences of 20 or 30-somethings.
Words like 'baggage, divorce, emotionally available' commonly surface in dating profiles.
Depending on your relationship history, you are likely looking for a special someone to spend a long time or even a lifetime with. Someone with whom you can connect in every way: physically, emotionally, intellectually, mentally, spiritually and someone who has a great sense of humor to go along with these chosen words.
To manifest change in your life you need to make space for it to happen.
In the pursuit of a relationship, you need to make the space in your daily life to meet someone. Taking time to get online, write a profile, search profiles, email, talk on the phone, and arrange the first meeting is logistically challenging and takes a lot of planning and energy. From the time you take these active steps to the time you finally meet someone who ‘it’ actually clicks with - it all takes up space. It is up to you to make this space to start spending time with people you are interested in.
When I think of 'making space’, I picture clearing something out so something new can come in. It’s as simple as a glass full of water. None can be added until some water has been drunk or poured out. You are the glass. Within us we hold our thoughts, feelings, desires and impressions of the world outside of us.
Here is an exercise to get you considering the space that is needed to begin a new romantic relationship. Go into your home closet and make room for someone else to keep some of their clothes in it - making just enough space for someone who will only stay for a few days. Do the same in your drawers. It all sounds simple, but for some making this space may prove quite challenging.
While doing this exercise you might say to yourself, "I don't have time to do that right now," "Where am I going to put the displaced stuff?” or “I don't want to get rid of anything."
Time. It's tough to make and hard to find.
We all lead busy lives. Rushing from work to the gym or off to see friends and other daily chores fill our hectic days. A good way to create time in your life is to set an evening aside during the week just for you to unwind. You could have dinner and watch a movie, for example. In this very simple way you are opening up and setting aside time for a special person, or for someone to be in your life. Regardless of whether you are using this as a relationship builder, it is also great practice in self-care which is something everyone needs to make more time for.
Ask yourself, “Am I ready and willing to create space and let a loving relationship flow into my life?”
Making space gets a lot trickier when you are trying to make room for emotional space. Some good questions to think about and ask yourself are:
“Am I over my past relationship?”
“Am I closing my heart off because it has been broken and I am afraid to love again?”
“Do I fantasize or feel emotionally tied to an old lover?”
“Am I angry with a former spouse, lover, or partner from a divorce or break-up?”
These are all things that take up emotional space. You need to be able to release and make space to allow a new love into your heart and life. It’s like a computer. It is not just enough to put an old file in the trash can. You have to empty the trash to free up more space on the hard drive. Taking time to heal old wounds and emotions will make you happier, more attractive and put you in a better position to create the relationship you want.
Time certainly helps heal wounds, but sometimes you need professional help to get through more difficult things. One shouldn’t feel that there is any stigma attached to seeing a professional counselor or self-help group to work out mental aches and pains.
I myself have benefited enormously from the extensive time I spent with a psychotherapist. I attribute my success in relationships to having been helped by personal therapy.
Mental space is something that requires careful, thoughtful self-examination. Someone who thinks they know it all and have it all figured out lacks open mental space and is not perceived as attractive by most people. Maintaining a closed mind to new ideas, things and people limits your experience of life. When you place boundaries on your life, you limit your ability to be transformed by it.
I believe we are constantly evolving, here to be awed by the mystery of all that is around us and really become the love that we long for. When you go around thinking you know about something or someone before you really do, you can really risk missing out. This applies to meeting a new person, which requires openness to find out who they are and what they may have to share with you.
Creating space in your life gives room for new things to come into it. Self-care is essential to this process for a variety of reasons. If your life is too busy and you are suffering, you need to make the time to enjoy life by finding a balance between work and pleasure. Try something easy like yoga or just walking for 20 minutes everyday.
Creating this small amount of space will help you collect your thoughts, stay fit and feel more positive. New, open space will allow you to build a relationship filled with pleasure.
I think you will agree that the kind of person you want to attract into your life is emotionally clear, happy and mature. Most people by now have had enough drama in earlier marriages and relationships to last a lifetime. I firmly believe that the best way to attract the relationship you want is to embody the clear, happy person whom you wish to draw into your life.
Galen Fultz is a landscape designer living and working in Marin County, California. Like everyone else there, he is working on a screenplay and a novel. He met his last 3 significant relationships on Match.com and has considerable experience in online dating. He is presently in a relationship.
A portfolio of his landscape design projects can be seen at www.houzz.com/pro/plantspirit/avant-garden