How to Be Your Own Matchmaker at 50+: Steps Every Smart Single Needs to Know

Many singles have yet to start or are struggling with their journey on the Romance Highway. In this post, Innovative Match (IM) provides tools to help you be your own matchmaker. Whether you are using a traditional matchmaking firm or not, the following expert practices can help you optimize your skills as your own relationship coach & recruiter and increase the chances of finding the right relationship for you.

1. Address the Biggest Excuses That Are Stopping You

First, address the excuses that have been preventing you from starting now. Learn how newly single adults get back out into the dating arena.

2. Remove Relationship Roadblocks

Learning from your past can be a critical first step to being the best version of yourself while searching for romance. A new IM client, Sue (name changed for privacy), had been in and out of former relationships for years and was seeking her ideal match. Near Valentine’s Day, Sue became despondent, as many singles do at this time. She came to the IM office seeking solutions for her dating burnout. The key to Sue’s acceleration on the Romance Highway was to identify the patterns that were slowing her down.

The IM team recommended a simple exercise:

  1. Have your relationship coach or a trusted loved one grab a piece of paper
  2. Make columns for your three most recent serious relationships (at least 6 months long).
  3. Talk about each relationship; list the positives and negatives of each one. Make sure to list why the relationships ended and what the deal breakers were.
  4. Take a look at the reasons why each relationship ended and search for a common denominator – what theme did each break up have in common?
  5. If you’ve been with the same partner for many years, and are newly single, make two columns -- one to identify the aspects of the relationship that were empowering, that you liked the most and one for those that you would like to change with future partners.

Clients often come to IM exhausted from staying in the wrong relationships for months or years and discouraged by meeting and remaining with people who were not ideal fits for them. By recognizing habits and patterns, you can start the process of finding your match.

3. Qualify Like a Pro: Know When to Move On

A key to finding the right relationship is deciding early on whether or not to continue dating someone. This requires looking past initial fireworks and delving deeper to determine long term compatibility. Humans are creatures of habit, but with determination and motivation, you can stop dating people who may not be optimal matches and make room for healthy relationships.

4. Be Your Own Coach and Recruiter

If you have the resources, consider working with professionals such as a relationship coach or mental health professional. Hiring a matchmaker to find new prospects is also an alternative, but don’t feel obliged to limit yourself to that one option. Remember that a matchmaker may require large emotional and financial investments, but their candidate pools can be small. Actions such as joining online dating sites can expose you to thousands of new people.

Embrace the adventure of becoming your own relationship “head hunter.” Buddy up with other single friends who can serve as sounding boards and cheerleaders. You can always turn to books and loved ones to work on these issues as well. Join online dating sites and craft a stellar online dating profile to maximize your results. If you enjoy reading books but can’t find a book club, start one. Join a gym, class or sports club. Go to a restaurant alone, dine at the bar and expose yourself to new faces. Finally, ensure that friends and loved ones know that you’re actively looking. Often, they will be on alert for potential candidates, as well as for places and activities where you might meet like-minded singles.

5. Maintain a Resilience Regimen

 and date smart. Pause and reflect on the experiences you have had thus far. Learning from your past can be a critical first step to being the best version of yourself while searching for romance. Don’t hesitate to get started after you’ve reflected. Once you have put yourself in a position to meet new people, have fun. The final step is to believe that you can find the right partner. We can give you the tools and advice, but resilience will carry you to success on the Romance Highway.