In every relationship, there comes a time when we have a difference of opinion or someone makes a mistake, which is inevitable because we’re all human and flawed. As a result, the art of conflict resolution is a critical skill we must master to maintain a healthy and successful partnership. With this in mind, below are seven ways to master conflict resolution in your relationship for a happier partnership.
1. Engage in effective communication practices.
Whether your argument started over text, you used words that could be misconstrued, or you talked to someone outside your relationship about your conflict instead of your partner, thereby violating trust, it’s very likely a communication breakdown has contributed to it, even exacerbated it. Or perhaps you didn’t talk about your conflict at all and let it fester, negatively affecting your relationship in other ways.
Regardless of the circumstances leading up to the conflict, it’s critical to establish open and honest communication as the foundation for your relationship. You can promote healthy communication practices in your relationship by actively listening to better understand your partner’s perspective and feelings before responding. Be sure to use “I” versus “you” statements to avoid making your partner feel as if they’re being attacked or accused.
2. Choose the right time and place to have important discussions.
An overlooked aspect of conflict resolution is timing. If tensions are running high and you haven’t had time to process your argument thoroughly, it’s unlikely you will have a productive conversation. Instead, wait until you’re in a more neutral and calm setting to attempt to resolve your conflict. Also, remember that you won’t typically be able to resolve your conflict quickly. It usually takes some time and effort.
When you do choose to resolve your conflict, be sure to allow yourself ample time to talk issues through. Don’t attempt conflict resolution when you or your partner are hurrying to get somewhere or feeling tired or stressed.
3. Keep your emotions in check.
When working toward conflict resolution, be sure to manage your emotions. In the heat of the moment, we can be dramatic or make nasty remarks intended to hurt our partner. These actions can only worsen an existing conflict, potentially creating a new one. Therefore, resist the urge to be impulsive and say whatever comes to mind. Likewise, avoid becoming defensive or aggressive or gaslighting your partner.
Pro tip: Take deep breaths or count to 10 to calm down, or, if necessary, take short breaks by leaving the room to compose yourself further.
4. Be empathetic.
We experience the world from our own perspective with a given set of facts, assumptions, and beliefs. Because of this, we might believe that other people operate using the same paradigms as we do. This isn’t actually the case.
Everyone leads a unique life and has individual experiences that impart knowledge to them about the world. So instead of assuming your partner’s perspective is wrong and yours is right, strive to understand why they think the way they do. Then do your best to empathize.
When you can empathize, you can better see a situation holistically and what elements are important to you and what are not. In this way, you can make specific concessions, demonstrating to your partner that you see them. Feeling seen can go a long way toward alleviating tension.
5. Find common ground.
Ask yourself what your partner’s motive might be in your conflict. Recategorize your conflict as one that’s not an “us versus them” situation but one where you and your partner are working as a team with the united goal of preserving your relationship. Next, ask yourself why you love your partner.
Remind each other of your love and desire to build the strongest possible relationship for yourselves, which means working together to identify areas where you can each improve. Remember, the big picture isn’t necessarily about winning this particular argument but focusing on the long-term betterment of your relationship.
6. Practice forgiveness.
Problem-solving isn’t just about finding practical solutions; it’s also about addressing hurt feelings. Sometimes, we make mistakes and say or do the wrong things because we behaved insensitively and not because of any malicious intent.
For conflict resolution, learn to forgive and let go of past grievances. When you hold a grudge, it becomes harder to resolve conflicts, which can further damage your relationship. When you practice forgiveness, on the other hand, you and your partner can move forward and begin rebuilding trust.
7. Actively problem-solve.
After identifying the conflict, the question becomes how to fix it. Beyond saying, “I’ll be better,” what practical steps can you and your partner implement to not only resolve your conflict but keep another one from starting?
This is where compromise comes into play. Collaboratively brainstorm potential solutions to your problem and evaluate them objectively on the grounds of how effectively they would resolve your conflict in the short term, as well as how sustainable those solutions will be over time. Be as flexible as you can.
Final thoughts …
If you and your partner find you still cannot come up with a solution for your conflict, or you do come up with a solution but discover that your problem has still not been resolved, it might be time for you to consider professional help. Help can come from an individual therapist and/or marriage or relationship counselor.
Such professionals can provide guidance and tools to improve your conflict resolution skills, so you can go on to enjoy a relationship free of your existing conflict and have the wherewithal to resolve new ones that will inevitably arise. All the while understanding that the best relationships aren’t conflict-free but free of unhealthy patterns for conflict resolution.