He was really great! We sat six feet apart on a park bench in Washington Square Park, drinking our coffees and eating our blueberry muffins. He loves blueberries, just like I do.
We spoke for almost two hours about where we had traveled, our kids, and exchanged our favorite book titles. We even talked about this farm in Pennsylvania that he knew of where we could pick blueberries. I was super excited.
A little while later, we stood up to say goodbye, and it just got all weird. He gave me some awkward wave and said, "This was fun. I'll talk to you soon." He had his mask on, and I couldn't see his face. I totally thought he was into me during the date, but now I'm not so sure.
It's an all too familiar assessment these days and, after nearly three decades as a matchmaker, no surprise to me. Parting ways on a first date presents a critical moment, even in "normal," pre-COVID times. If a date seemed to have gone well, both participants would then have a small window of opportunity before saying goodbye to either express their interest in seeing each other again or signal that they had reached the end of the road.
Of course, as anyone who's ever been out on a date before or seen a rom-com knows, there's also that nagging third scenario, the one the current pandemic has caused to become more exaggerated. It's where you both want to put another date on the calendar, but because of some barrier to communication, you leave feeling confused and unsure how the other person feels.
That barrier can be shyness, insecurity, or something more tangible like, say, a mask, which may be the precise culprit for confusing our Washington Square dater above. And if someone (whether me or you) doesn't jump in fast to keep her head in the game, the off-putting feeling she got post-date may turn into the death knell of an otherwise promising connection, with one or neither of them reaching out to the other afterward.
But first, let me make it clear: I'm all for wearing a mask on a date, obviously unless you're drinking or eating. Wearing a mask is a necessary precaution to keep coronavirus from spreading, so if you choose to leave it on during the entire date or distance yourself enough to feel comfortable taking it off, the right answer is always protecting yourself and those around you.
That said, in this new reality of mask-wearing, you will have to make adjustments about how you present social clues to others, especially to someone who doesn't know you well or is meeting you for the first time. Wearing a mask while saying goodbye on a date can make an already potentially awkward situation more awkward. It's why I tell my clients to say goodbye before getting up to leave, especially if they aren't wearing a mask during the date.
Human beings are social creatures. We use more than just words to show our interest and to read whether someone is interested in us. A big part of this is our facial expressions, most of which remain hidden under a mask. So if you're having a great time and sense that the end of the date is near, throw out the question you may have asked on the way to the car or under the porch light: Would you like to go out with me again? Because I'm betting your date will be more open to accepting that invitation if it comes with a smile instead of an elbow bump.
And by chance, if your date still ends on a strange note as it did for our New York City couple, you may want to consider cutting each other a little more slack than you would ordinarily. We still have a lot to learn about COVID, including how to date in its midst — safely and successfully.