When you're just starting out in a new relationship, Valentine's Day can feel uncertain. The holiday of love and romance can represent a level of intimacy that you and your new(ish) partner may have simply not achieved yet.
Perhaps you've only been dating for a couple of months or have only been on a few dates. Or maybe you're not exclusive yet, or haven't talked about where you stand. Should you celebrate Valentine's Day? Should you ignore it altogether? The questions can be anxiety-ridden.
As a professional matchmaker, I recognize that, as my clients begin new relationships, the topic of commitment surrounding Valentine's Day can be tricky. So, I urge them to understand their relationship and utilize communication to work at their own pace.
Below are my suggestions for how to navigate a new relationship on Valentine's Day.
Talk about Valentine's Day with the person you're dating beforehand.
It may seem daunting to bring up Valentine's Day because it feels awkward and potentially ushers in the dreaded "What (or where) are we?" conversation, but, as I always emphasize, open communication is necessary for any relationship to succeed. And if Valentine's Day presents enough of a conflict or sense of uncertainty for you and your relationship, then it's something you should talk about with your new partner.
That said, you don't need to make a big deal of Valentine's Day either. Gauge your partner's interest in the holiday. Perhaps they despise it, referring to it as a "Hallmark holiday," and don't want to celebrate it at all. Or maybe they think celebrating Valentine's Day is a huge step in a relationship, signifying a serious, committed relationship, and leave the conversation at that.
Either way, you won't know how your partner feels about Valentine's Day until you talk about it with them. But when you do, keep the conversation light — and the bunnies in the garden (not in a pot of water) where they belong.
Do something low key for Valentine's Day.
When you're dating someone new, it's important to be able to pace your relationship comfortably. You don't want to get serious too fast, but you don't want to stagnate either. Valentine's Day can serve as a balancing act for the growth of your relationship. Maybe you and your partner have built enough of a bond that you want to spend Valentine's Day together, but you don't want to be serious about it or your relationship quite yet.
Planning a date for Valentine's Day commensurate with your level of intimacy can result in a successful and, just as important, fun night. There's no need to pressure yourselves into booking an expensive dinner and eating a meal surrounded by "serious" couples giving each other lovey-dovey looks, or even proposing! Not to mention we're still in the throes of a global pandemic, making traditional celebration options a little more complicated, which may be a silver lining in this particular situation.
So why not do something more low key such as cooking together at home and then cuddling up on the couch together with some hot cocoa while watching a movie? Or schedule a romantic walk or hike. Or maybe plan a casual celebration with a small group, virtually or in-person and socially distant, and ask your current love interest to join.
How creative you and your partner get will speak volumes about how romantic — and interested — you both are. Keep an open mind and be realistic about the time you've spent together thus far, so you don't set yourself up for disappointment. A little effort can still mean a lot given where you are in your relationship.
Discuss whether you want to exchange gifts for Valentine's Day.
Another topic you should talk about with your partner beforehand: gifts. Gift-giving can be tricky and likely awkward because, in a way, gifts can signify the level of commitment you and your partner feel toward each other. A costly gift, for instance, can suggest a serious relationship. So if you're just starting out with a new partner, perhaps save the jewelry for a future Valentine's Day.
Without proper communication beforehand, one person will inevitably show up with a more expensive gift than the other, leaving both of you feeling weird about the situation. So consider agreeing on a price limit or not give anything to avoid any awkwardness.
Don't celebrate Valentine's Day at all.
There's no written rule saying you must celebrate Valentine's Day together. February 14th is merely another day on the calendar; it doesn't have to be Valentine's Day per se. However, there's no reason you have to be apart on this particular Day either and not see each other.
Why not schedule a regular date for Valentine's Day? You don't have to go all out with romance; just continue along the current trajectory with your new partner.
Again, a discussion beforehand can play an important role in keeping everyone's expectations in check and not having an elephant in the room during your non-valentine Valentine's Day date. No one likes a third wheel.
Make other plans for Valentine's Day instead.
Avoid the conflict altogether by doing something else on Valentine's Day, and no, I don't mean by going on a date with someone new. I'm thinking something more along the lines of planning to hang out (virtually or in a small group) with your friends instead.
Making alternative plans eases the pressure of what to do on Valentine's Day quickly with your new partner. Even if the question comes up and one or both of you don't feel ready to share the day, you can't meet up anyway because you're already busy. Who knows, that new boo of yours — or you — may have a change of heart tomorrow.