An interfaith marriage describes two people from different religions who have come together in matrimony. According to research from Pew in 2015, about four out of 10 Americans who married since 2010, or 39 percent, have a spouse belonging to a religion other than their own. This is in contrast to those who wed before 1960, where only 19 reported being part of an interfaith marriage. Though interfaith marriage has become more common, is it or interfaith relationship right for you? Here are a few issues to consider as part of your decision-making.
Benefits of Interfaith Relationships
Embarking on an interfaith marriage or relationship can go a long way toward strengthening religious and cultural understanding. The idea is that the more we learn about each other as a society, the fewer barriers we’ll have between us.
In place of barriers can come flexibility, open-mindedness, and tolerance. And, of course, more opportunities to celebrate them — on holidays and at other milestone events.
Challenges Faced by Interfaith Couples
No marriage or relationship, including an interfaith one, is without its challenges. Differing beliefs and religious practices, such as dietary restrictions, observance of holidays, and other faith-based rituals, can become the source of conflict due to unfamiliarity or agreement on specific practices. On a deeper level, there can be differences in values and beliefs.
The decision to raise children in an interfaith relationship or marriage can raise further causes and concerns, beginning with what religion, if any, the child will follow as part of their upbringing. Though a couple can each honor their partner’s religion, it doesn’t have to mean they’ll adopt their partner’s beliefs instead of their own. However, parents might have difficulty agreeing which religion their child will practice and which celebrations, rites of passage, and ceremonies they’ll participate in.
But suppose a particular set of parents does agree and lays out a plan for themselves and their children. It still doesn’t have to mean that the couple’s families will honor and respect their relligious choices, not to mention other members of their community, even society. Though your life is your own, navigating judgments from outsiders and societal pressures can take its toll.
One solution for interfaith couples facing opposition from their inner circle is to embrace inclusivity, especially during religious ceremonies such as marriage. Deciding in advance on which aspects of each religion will be involved in a particular ceremony and perhaps involving a religious leader from each partner’s faith can go a long way toward making everyone feel welcome and honored.
Before Making a Decision to Enter an Interfaith Marriage (or Relationship)
Entering an interfaith marriage or relationship isn’t a decision to take lightly. Before doing so, you should evaluate your ability and level of comfort communicating with your partner and theirs with you. Given the challenges of an interfaith marriage or relationship, your problem-solving skills, which are founded on healthy communication practices, could be tested. So, no matter how much faith you have, being prepared can’t hurt.
If you feel your and or your partner’s communication skills are limited, take steps to rectify this as soon as you can with a counselor, together and individually. In your sessions, discuss your values around religion, religious beliefs, and practices and how you plan to honor them. Once you do, set specific boundaries with your partner and communicate your expectations to them around these issues. Be sure to listen to your partner’s concerns as well.
To further help with your objectives, consider enrolling in educational programs as a couple and on your own, in addition to counseling, that can facilitate your interactions further. The classes you enroll in, including workshops and seminars, and the counselors you work with should all focus on interfaith marriages and relationships specifically as interfaith marriages and relationships come with their own unique issues.
Discuss with your partner privately your vision for the near future as well as what you both expect from your relationship down the road. Do the same as you’re seeking professional guidance to gather more objective opinions. Pinpoint existing and potential challenges and discuss how you might resolve them. Have a unified vision for what a future together could look like, including how children (if a consideration) will factor into that future.
Finally, begin engaging with your respective religious communities as a couple, making sure you find groups that are welcoming to you and your partner and respectful of your relationship. Once you find a place of comfort, solidify your position by building a support system for yourselves as individuals and as a couple within those communities.
Final thoughts …
In any relationship where two people come together as one, differences should be expected and considered the norm. In an interfaith marriage or relationship, that difference just happens to be religion.
Religion can be a significant difference between partners. However, by demonstrating understanding, mutual respect, and a readiness to compromise, both you and your partner can transform this difference into a strong foundation for your shared life. A life you can both place your faith in.