Being in recovery from alcohol or drugs is an accomplishment worthy of celebration. The road to get there was undoubtedly difficult for the person who traversed it, and it is never far from their mind.
As someone who has not been on this path, dating an individual who has may cause you to wonder if you should get involved with them. After all, as an outsider, there’s no way for you to fully know or understand what challenges getting to that place of recovery entailed or the challenges they face every day to stay there.
With these considerations in mind, should you give someone in recovery a chance as a relationship partner? Here are a few questions you may want to consider.
Are you understanding of addiction as a disease?
Addiction is a disease. A chronic disease. As a chronic disease, it’s possible to get it under control so that its ill effects never resurface, but if the conditions are right, it’s best to remember that it could. And if it does, it can dismantle the life the person in recovery has worked hard to create, as well as dismantle the lives of those around them.
For those who’ve been around addiction, they’ve seen and, therefore, know what addiction can look like in its worst moments. For those who haven’t, it can be a struggle to comprehend how a relapse can happen and what it takes to recover from it, which will invariably include the support of the people in that person’s life. Support that they may or may not be willing to admit they need or accept readily.
This all can be a jolt for someone unfamiliar with addiction. That said, it doesn’t mean you can’t become more literate on the subject.
Are you interested in learning more about addiction?
If you are up for learning more about addiction because you want to support a partner, there’s much to learn. Though you may never understand completely what it’s like to be addicted to alcohol or drugs if that hasn’t been your life experience, there are copious resources available to become more fluent in addiction. Learning more can help you not only decide whether you want to be in a relationship with someone in recovery but also what your relationship could look like on its worst days.
Informed decisions are usually the ones you won’t regret later. Not to mention, there are no guarantees with anything in life, including that someone who’s never been addicted will develop addiction later.
Are you in a position to be supportive of a partner who’s in recovery?
When considering dating someone in recovery, it’s helpful not only to think about what could happen if that person relapses and what your role in that situation would be, but also to imagine what your support would require when they’re doing well and at their strongest. Here’s why.
Being in recovery requires an ongoing commitment from the individual who has the disease. It stands to reason that they shouldn’t be with someone who won’t be tolerant of their need to not be in situations that could compromise their well-being. Are you in a place in your life where you are willing to make your partner part of your decision-making for the choices you make for yourself?
If having a cocktail, for example, is something you enjoy and are not willing to give up, it’s helpful to be honest with yourself and your potential partner early on. It may not bother them at all. But in all fairness, they, too, should know more about your likes and habits before they decide to date you. A real relationship requires commitment from both partners to succeed.
Are you willing to love someone for who they are?
Someone who has an addiction in their past may have moments behind them as well that they aren’t proud of or wish didn’t happen. This, of course, goes for anyone, but for someone who’s dealt with an addiction, those feelings can be more pronounced.
The last thing an individual in recovery will need in their life is a partner who holds their past against them. More than that, like you, they will need someone to love them for who they are. Ask yourself honestly: Are you capable of being that person for them?
Final Thoughts
People everywhere, especially as we age, can suffer from a chronic illness. Addiction is just one of these diseases. However, like every disease, it has its unique characteristics, making it wise to familiarize yourself with them before taking on the role of partner.
Genuine partnerships involve good days, bad days, and monotonous days. That’s life. And in life, we all have choices, including whether we are up for the job of being the strong and devoted partner someone else deserves.