It is widely accepted that strong personal connections are a predictor of physical and mental health and happiness long term. Indeed, a recent article in the Wall Street Journal detailing the findings of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, which, since 1938, has tracked (and continues to do so today) 724 men and their now 1300 plus male and female descendants, notes that the common factor for health and happiness is good relationships.
This finding should come as no surprise; humans are social creatures, continuously seeking both fulfilling relationships and a strong sense of community. It is why it can feel so overwhelmingly negative when you don’t feel like you share these deeper bonds with others. Fortunately, there are specific actions you can take to strengthen your relationships so that they are more meaningful and long-lasting.
Understand the difference between communal and exchange relationships and how your relationship operates.
If you are focused on having a long, successful relationship, it is important to know the varying ways in which relationships can be interpreted so you may understand common patterns better. An indicator that has been found to predict the success of long-term romantic relationships is the categorization of communal versus exchange relationships.
Communal relationships are those in which partners pay less attention to exchange and equity in favor of supporting their partner’s needs without consideration of the cost to themselves. In exchange relationships, on the other hand, each partner tracks their contributions to the relationship in order to maintain strict equity.
Subconsciously, many couples in long-term relationships pay attention to equity in order to ensure they are being treated fairly. However, in successful relationships, partners often grant periods of time in which one person is in need of more support without this inequity damaging the relationship.
Surround yourself with positive influences.
It makes sense that we become similar to the people around us. The best and worst of others’ personalities can rub off on us, which is why it is so important that our relationships are with those who inspire us to be better. The concept comes down to this: If you have a friend who engages in a positive behavior you would like to attempt — having a steady workout routine or being great at small talk, for example — and you witness how these actions make their life better, you may be more likely to try these behaviors out yourself.
Of course, this doesn’t mean you should enter relationships for the sole purpose of what you can gain. Rather, you should look at how you can complement someone and enhance someone else’s life, too. Hopefully, over time you will come to function as an inspiration to them in the same way they are to you.
Explore and invest in healthy communication.
Everyone communicates with each other, but learning how to communicate with others, particularly your romantic partner, in a healthy manner is one of the most important ways you can be successful in maintaining a relationship long-term. Learning about the different communication styles people use can help you understand how someone expresses themself, as well as how you choose to communicate in response.
The five most basic communication styles are passive, aggressive, passive-aggressive, assertive, and manipulative. Generally, it is believed that we should all strive to be assertive communicators in our relationships, as this helps individuals advocate for themselves without violating the rights of those with whom they are involved. Of course, not everyone is naturally an assertive communicator, which is why paying attention to your responses — both verbal and nonverbal — in conversations can tell you a lot about yourself as a partner.
Some basic ways to improve your communication with your partner include practicing the golden rule, letting go of blame, and focusing on what you can control. Communication is an imperfect art that you develop with your partner through trial and error, but regardless, finding ways to communicate openly and honestly is vital to the health of your relationship.
Prioritize your relationships.
The advice to prioritize your relationships sounds simple enough, but as you enter various phases of life regarding your career or personal interests, it can become difficult to consistently respond to friends reaching out or trying to establish a deeper romantic relationship. Placing emphasis on the stable relationships you want to invest your time and effort into can, therefore, be helpful.
This intention can be expressed in many ways, whether by scheduling a longstanding date night or regularly texting friends who don’t live nearby. The important takeaway is to show up consistently and give the relationship you value your all.
For those relationships primarily limited to online interactions, it can be difficult to feel connected. However, if you set your mind to it, there are always ways to remind those you care about that you love and support them.
Final thoughts …
Investing in your healthy and mutually beneficial relationships can only add to your sense of belonging and serve to diminish feelings of loneliness that can come up. Once you master the communication styles in your various relationships, your bond with those individuals will likely grow stronger.
The best part? You will probably begin showing up for yourself and others in ways you never have before due to the joy these strong relationships bring to your life. A life you couldn’t imagine living without these special individuals— the ones you chose and who chose you — in it.