Dating is not an exact science. It's probably why so many of my clients come to me asking when they should delete their online dating profile after meeting someone they like. My answer is always the same: it depends.
Every relationship is different. Both partners come into it with their own history and expectations. Then there's the chemistry factor; either it's there, or it's not. Sometimes chemistry is there for one person and not for the other. And other times, love and attraction grow as people get to know each other.
So, where does that leave you if you're deciding whether or not to take down your online dating profile? Or ask the person you're dating to take down theirs?
It leaves you in the position of having to have a thoughtful conversation — with yourself and the person you're dating. Here's what you should consider.
How You Feel About the Person That You're Dating
Have you been single for a while, and this is the first person you've recently dated that you like? If so, good for you!
But now ask yourself in an honest way why you like this person. Is it because you're tired of being alone? Or is this person someone whose company you actually enjoy and you feel comfortable around?
The person you become exclusive with is someone you see possibilities of a future with because taking yourself offline makes you unavailable to others. You should only limit your options if you truly believe the person you're dating fits that criteria.
Of course, there are no guarantees your relationship will last even if you get into an exclusive one. But, at a minimum, you should be able to envision what a future together could look like if it did last.
The Length of Time You've Been Together
This is a tricky one because people love to mark relationships according to milestones and what should happen at each one.
"It's our one-month anniversary, so we should be exclusive by now."
"We've been dating for three months, so I should meet his parents, right?"
"We've been together six months, but I still haven't met her kids. Something's wrong."
For those looking for a definitive answer as to what should happen in your relationship at specific points in time, unfortunately, there's none. Again, every relationship is different. It's why you need to evaluate the level of your and your partner's involvement in each other's lives according to what's going on in your lives.
Sometimes involvement and commitment are quick. Other times, both can take some time, which may or may not be a reflection of the depth of your relationship and prospect for a future together.
If, for example, one of you has just come out of a marriage and the children are young and still adjusting to the divorce, you'll probably want to wait longer to introduce a love interest than you would if you were divorced for years.
The same is true if one of your spouses passed away. Your partner's hesitation likely has nothing to do with how they feel about you.
That said, at some point, you'll have to determine whether you're comfortable continuing your relationship in a holding pattern. Only you can know the answer to that, and after doing some soul-searching, your intuition should tell you.
This is true of any situation, not just introducing kids. If you're uncomfortable with how your relationship is progressing after a certain amount of time, you need to initiate a conversation with your partner. Their response will tell you all you need to know.
Why You Want To Become Exclusive
By removing your online dating profiles or taking down your dating apps, what are you hoping to achieve? Your answer should have something to do with you and your partner wanting to focus on each other without distraction. Or a show to each other that you're both committed enough to explore the possibility of a deeper relationship.
What removing online dating profiles should not have to do with is one of you trying to control the other. If you're doing it because you're feeling possessive of the other person, check yourself. Healthy relationships involve both partners having space to live their lives.
Whether There's Mutual Agreement
If you've gone through your analysis and you've decided you want to become exclusive with the person you're dating for all of the "right" reasons, and taking your online dating profile down makes perfect sense to you, you're halfway there. Congratulations!
Now, all you need to figure out is whether your partner is on the same page as you. Because if they aren't, you really need to rethink your decision.
Taking down your profile from an online dating site or app should be a mutual decision between both of you. It's a decision that demonstrates a willingness to give your relationship a more serious look.
If one of you isn't willing to make that showing, for whatever reason, you need to evaluate whether you're OK with this imbalance. I personally don't recommend taking yourself out of circulation if the person you're dating won't do the same.
As Maya Angelou famously said, "Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option." I must say, I agree.
How You Want To Proceed Now That You've Communicated With Each Other
Deciding what to do next is by far the most important consideration. If you've communicated with your partner openly and honestly about your intentions and have given serious thought about your reasons for or against taking down your online dating profile or deleting your apps, you're in a solid position to make an informed decision about your future.
The purpose of being in a relationship is to feel good in it and with the person that you're dating. If someone tells you they're not ready to go to the next level, you need to check in with yourself about how that makes you feel.
If you're satisfied with your partner's reasons for not wanting to go offline just yet, or they're satisfied with yours, and you want to table the issue, for now, I recommend putting a date on the calendar to check back with each other about how your relationship is going.
Everyone has goals about what they hope to achieve from their relationship, whether it's companionship, partnership, marriage, or children. You should never feel you have to sacrifice what you want in your life to be in the company of someone who may or may not be sure about you.
Remember, even though it may feel like someone else is calling the shots, you're always in charge of your own love life. And your happiness.