Dating when you and the person you’re seeing have children or one of you does raises a host of issues. When a child with special needs is in the picture, the issues typically involved are amplified.
But that doesn’t mean you won’t be up for it or that you won’t enjoy the relationship as much as you would in a situation where there isn’t a child with special needs. You may, in fact, enjoy the relationship more because parents of special needs children tend to possess a specific set of characteristics that can be appealing. Plus, you may get the benefit of falling in love with their child in addition to them.
However, you do need to be aware that such a scenario will likely require you to be more understanding of certain circumstances in your partner’s life. Parents of special needs children tend to have their own challenges to contend with and deserve to have a partner who’s supportive and enhances their life, not detracts from it. With that in mind, if you’re deciding whether to date someone with a special needs child, here’s what you should consider.
Parents of a special needs child may have a stronger than average bond with their child’s other parent.
Raising a special needs child can take a great deal of mental and perhaps physical stamina. It’s a role filled with inherent pressures, more so than parents who are not raising a child with special needs may face. Often, parents of a special needs child, despite not being together as a couple, will maintain a close bond in the interest of ensuring their child gets the love, care, and attention they deserve.
If you’re the jealous type and suspect such a close relationship between the person you’re dating and their ex will affect you negatively, then dating a parent of a special needs child who maintains close ties with their child’s other parent probably isn’t for you. The dynamic won’t be for everyone, and it’s better to be honest with yourself and bow out sooner rather than later.
Parents of a special needs child may have additional concerns or worries.
Special needs can mean a lot of things, and no two children or their challenges will be the same. What the person you’re dating faces on a daily basis due to their child’s challenges could be a source of constant concern and worry for them. People who live with constant stress can experience a range of emotions like anyone else, but theirs may be more amplified and occur more frequently.
This individual deserves a supportive partner, even if they’re doing just fine on their own. What they don’t need is someone who lacks patience or isn’t understanding of what they, their child, and their other family members are going through daily. Again, if this doesn’t sound like an environment you can not only survive in but also thrive in as an individual and partner, look for a relationship elsewhere.
Parents of a special needs child will usually drop everything for them.
Prioritizing the needs of your child when you’re a parent comes with the territory. When you’re the parent of a special needs child, you may want and have to take that responsibility even more seriously.
Whether warranted or not, a parent of a special needs child will usually drop what they’re doing (as much as they can) for their child if the child needs them. Last-minute cancellations, running late, and interruptions may be par for the course when dating the parent of a special needs child. So, if you’re a stickler for anything, it may be a good idea to stick yourself somewhere else.
Parents of a special needs child may be more overprotective of them.
Many parents find themselves being overprotective of their children, given their age and maturity. Children aging is as much a rite of passage for the child as it is for the parent, who must learn to loosen the reigns.
A parent of a special needs child may find themselves more protective of them than they would another child of the same age or maturity level due to the challenges the child faces. Again, if you struggle with jealousy and not being the center of attention will bother you, and you believe you will feel that you’re competing with a special needs child for their parent’s attention, then this type of situation probably isn’t for you.
Parents of a special needs child may take longer to invite you into their life.
Related to the last point, a parent of a special needs child may take longer to invite you into their everyday life. But who could blame them? They probably have more going on than most, requiring a lot of them, and don’t have the time or inclination to deal with shenanigans.
If you’re still interested in dating that special someone that you have your eye on, and they’re interested in dating you, and they just happen to also be the parent of a special needs child, demonstrate with your actions, little by little and over time, that you’re serious about your intentions. Understanding all the while that a parent of a special needs child may, by virtue of the unique person they are, be well worth the wait.