Singles with disabilities can face unique challenges when searching for a partner. This is especially true when utilizing online dating to facilitate their search due to limited writing space on certain platforms and dating apps and an emphasis on photos. The process can feel superficial, frustrating, and, at times, disheartening.
However, it’s important for anyone, including those dating with a disability, to go into the process with a keen sense of self-worth and an understanding that everyone deserves companionship and love. People come in all shapes and sizes with their own challenges, which aren’t always visible. Many people don’t know this about me; I’m hard of hearing and deaf in one ear.
If you’re dating with a disability, there are steps you can take to make your search more efficient, pointed, and likely to get you your desired results. This is what you can do.
1. Be open and honest about your disability.
Though you won’t necessarily have a lot of room in your dating profile to write about it, you do have enough space to say something. Then there are your pictures. As we all know, pictures can speak a thousand words.
If someone isn’t inclined to date you because of your disability, this gives them the power to swipe left on you without you ever having to know and feel rejected by them. That said, there will be those people who, as described in this New York Times Modern Love essay, will not pay much attention to what’s in your profile. That’s unfortunate, but also, unfortunately, one of the pitfalls of dating.
2. Choose the right online dating site.
Mainstream sites like Match.com and OkCupid are exactly that — mainstream. Everyone and their mother is on there, which can be an advantage by offering you the most opportunities. Mainstream sites can also put you at a disadvantage by offering you too many opportunities. Niche sites, however, present you with matches who, by virtue of them being there, might be more open-minded about meeting you.
There are numerous dating sites devoted to those with a specific disability. A drawback to narrow dating sites, however, is that there’s a more limited pool to choose from. Dateability, however, according to this article in Forbes, doesn’t cater to one type of disability; instead, it’s the shared experience of living with a disability that’s the focus.
3. Set and enforce your boundaries and advocate for yourself.
Go into dating knowing generally what and who you’re looking for in a match and what your dealbreakers are. Communicate your needs freely and without fear that if you do, someone else won’t like you. If that’s the case, you shouldn’t want them anyway. Express what your specific needs are in terms of accessibility as well before a date to ensure you’re comfortable and safe.
4. Prioritize your safety at all times.
Speaking of safety, discuss any potential safety concerns you might have with your date before meeting one another and how you both can address those concerns so that you’re safe. As in any new dating situation, let someone know who you’re going to see, when, and where. Always meet somewhere public.
5. Know your worth.
Your disability doesn’t define you. It’s not your identity, and if someone’s treating you like it is, their treatment of you should be an automatic disqualifier. If you’re not feeling good about yourself due to internal issues, think about putting dating on the back burner for a while until you do.
In the meantime, focus on yourself. If you think it could help, consider enlisting the support of a mental health professional along with a dating coach to assist you when the time comes to get back out there. Your therapist should have experience counseling those living with a disability.
6. Seek out communities and support groups.
There are many benefits of connecting with others who share similar experiences. With this in mind, seek out support and interest groups where you’ll have a safe space to discuss issues relating to dating with a disability. Who knows, you could also meet other eligible singles there.
7. Stay positive and be patient.
Dating presents challenges no matter what your experience is, so stay as positive about the process as you can. Having a positive mindset is a wonderful way to attract others who are positive. Remember, it works the other way, too, with negativity attracting negativity.
8. Educate your potential partner about your disability.
Be open to educating a potential partner about your disability. However, what you don’t need to do is entertain rude or intrusive questions. Again, this should be a signal that someone isn’t a match.
Keep in mind that questions are par for the course in dating; it’s how singles learn about each other and form attraction. Which is, after all, the reason for dating in the first place.