With unemployment rates on the rise, chances are that if you’re single, you’ll come across a dating prospect who’s unemployed and question whether you should date this person. Given how our livelihoods can affect our emotions, self-esteem, and anxiety levels, not to mention our bottom lines, it’s not a stretch to say that a person’s employment status can influence a relationship and its potential.
That said, the analysis doesn’t have to be so cut and dry when deciding whether it’s worth pursuing a relationship with someone who’s unemployed. In other words, you don’t necessarily have to dismiss this person as undateable because they’re currently out of a job.
However, you should assess whether this person is worth your time and efforts as they present themselves to you today — unemployed and otherwise. Here are some issues to think about as you formulate your decision.
Understanding Unemployment
According to the Bureau of Labor and Statistics, unemployment refers, quite simply, to someone who doesn’t have a job. People with jobs are employed. The labor force is made up of people who are both employed and unemployed. Those who are neither aren’t counted as part of the labor force. Additionally, there’s both temporary unemployment and chronic unemployment, where a person, for whatever reason, demonstrates an inability to hold down a job or secure long(er)-term, more stable forms of employment.
There are many reasons why someone might be unemployed, which could affect your decision to date them. Those reasons include layoffs, economic conditions such as a recession or depression, automation, AI, outsourcing to foreign countries, and personal choice. The reasons why someone’s unemployed might also impact their attitude. Not only about their unemployment but also about their dateability and if they believe they’re in the right place now to be a good partner.
Pros of Dating Someone Unemployed
Though not usually opportune, there can be a few silver linings to starting your relationship with someone who’s unemployed. For starters, they might be more available than they ordinarily would be if they were employed and can be more flexible with their time.
Given their current situation, this person might also be better able to display empathy toward you should you find yourself in a similar situation one day. Unemployment can be a humbling experience.
Given the economic challenges that can come with unemployment, including tightening the belt, it could become the inspiration for focusing on those non-material aspects of your relationship. It could also translate to finding more creative, albeit less expensive, ideas for dates.
Thinking longer term, someone more permanently unemployed might find a caregiving role at home with children more appealing. Such an arrangement, when coordinated by two partners who respect one another and commit to honoring gender equality in the household, can be especially helpful where one partner has a demanding career outside the home.
Cons of Dating Someone Unemployed
On the flip side, dating someone who’s unemployed could translate to financial instability, which could, in turn, strain a new relationship. Where there’s an economic imbalance, it could mean that one partner would have to shoulder more of the financial responsibility in the relationship, in which case you would need that person’s buy-in (no pun intended). If the employed partner isn’t willing to shoulder those financial responsibilities, it could limit a couple’s activities, negatively impacting their lifestyle when together.
The psychological effects can likewise be potentially problematic for those who haven’t chosen to be unemployed. For example, temporary or chronic unemployment can bring about stress, anxiety, and depression, each of which can impact a relationship. Unemployment and its effects can happen at any stage of a relationship, but when a relationship is just beginning, there’s less incentive to ride it out.
Other Considerations When Contemplating Dating Someone Who’s Unemployed
There’s an adage in dating: Don’t bank on potential. When dating someone who’s unemployed, you’re essentially doing that, at least where earning potential’s involved. It’s, therefore, best to assess whether this person is actively seeking employment (if that’s their goal), has other plans for spending their time while unemployed, and has long-term ambitions.
It could be that an individual sees unemployment as an opportunity to explore their creative side and engage in personal development. Due to their track record of working and saving, their finances might afford them those opportunities. This time could very well be something they’ve worked hard to achieve.
Regardless of what your potential partner wants, it’s your life; therefore, what you want matters more when deciding to date them. If, based on your personal values or socio-economic background, you don’t feel you can be supportive of such a hiatus from gainful employment, then by all means, don’t. But don’t date this person either. Guaranteed, they’ll find someone who will be supportive, and they deserve that, too.
Tips for Dating Someone Who’s Unemployed
If you decide to move forward with someone who’s unemployed, it will require your best efforts to apply healthy relational skills to your interactions. So get ready to be open and expect the same from the other person. Discuss finances, plans for the future, and how the two affect each other.
Be there for each other. Make sure you’re prepared to be supportive, aren’t afraid to be honest, and are comfortable encouraging the person you’re dating to pursue their goals. But do set boundaries for yourself and them; you’re a relationship partner, not a business partner or a coach. There are people for that, and though you can touch on these topics, they shouldn’t form the foundation for why you’re together. That foundation should be mutual like and, if all goes well, love, respect, friendship, and companionship.
Final thoughts …
Though dating someone who’s unemployed might not be what you had envisioned, a relationship need not be off the table. However, before embarking on one, you have to decide if the reasons for your potential partner’s unemployment bode well for your future as a couple. If you decide they do, by focusing on communication, understanding, and empathy, as you would in any relationship you value and want to endure, you can more proactively work toward building a future you envision — together.