It’s a “Tale as old as time/Song as old as rhyme/Beauty and the …” liar? Wait. Wasn’t it supposed to be “The Golden Bacheor” Gerry Turner’s first dip, maybe not at the ball, but in the dating pool since his wife passed away from an infection in 2017?
Seems not, according to the Daily Mail and, apparently, the rest of the internet. An old girlfriend, Carolyn, came forward recently claiming she not only dated the coveted 72-year-old cad but was living with him at his lake house before he gave her walking papers for gaining a whopping 10 lbs.
There were other allegations from this once unknown ex, too: As she was packing to leave the love shack, Carolyn claims to have accidentally fallen down the stairs but says her former roomie was not very sympathetic, accusing her of using the fall, which necessitated surgery, as an excuse to stay in the house longer than the Januar 1 deadline he gave her to get out.
The icing on the cake? Carolyn claims Gerry was cheap.
Mic drop.
Despite him wanting to focus only on the “positive things that are going on” now, which include his upcoming televised wedding on January 4, 2024, with winner Theresa Nist, 70, and as other chatter about “a number of women” emerges, Gerry has admitted there might be some truth in the claims. Which raises a big question:
What should you do if you learn your partner lied to you?
Here are a few ideas.
Remain calm.
It can be difficult to discover something you were told isn’t true, especially if what you were told came from someone you trust and love. Difficult can often translate to maddening.
As much as you may want to yell and scream, maybe throw something, don’t. It’s not a good look and it won’t do anything, anything positive that is, for the current state of your relationship.
However, that doesn’t mean you should ignore what’s happened either. For the sake of your sanity, let your partner know you want to …
Have a conversation.
When you are able, when you can be calm, sit down with your partner and clarify what they have told you in the past versus what the truth really is just to make sure you have your facts straight. Then ask them any questions you have, such as why they lied and whether they would go about the situation the same way if they had to do it all over again.
Be sure to allow your partner enough time to talk and listen attentively as they do. Then …
Establish rules around truth-telling.
Even if you are not yet sure about what the future holds for you as a couple, let your partner know that you believed they were honest because you expected them to be. Let them know you expect the truth from them from this point on.
This rule would apply whether you decide to stay with your partner or the lie they told makes that impossible. Even if you end your relationship and interact later as friends or acquaintances, remind them that your standards for truth-telling will always be the same.
Make a decision about the future.
Once you’ve gathered all your facts and considered your relationship in light of them, make a decision about your future together. If you feel your partner wants to make the situation right, and you are up for giving your relationship another go, commit as a couple to repairing the damage that has been done by the lying. Reminder: You both have to be committed since it takes two people to make a healthy relationship.
Rebuild trust.
Once you and your partner have (re)committed to your relationship and working on the issues around the lie your partner told (there are always other issues since nothing happens in a vacuum), the first step will be to rebuild trust between you. Be aware that rebuilding trust, if it can be rebuilt, is a long process requiring patience on both your parts. You may find that you need support in this area.
Seek counseling.
Relationship counseling can be helpful when trying to rebuild trust in a relationship where it has been undermined or lost. But again, both partners have to be willing to participate for it to be effective. Individual counseling can also be beneficial in conjunction with couples counseling.
Trust but verify.
If after doing the work you feel you can trust your partner again, don’t keep bringing up the past. Move forward and continue living your lives as a couple and individually.
That said, every experience comes with its lessons, and you don’t need to forget those you’ve learned. And while it’s good to trust, it’s also good to verify. What do you think, Theresa?