The significance and etiquette surrounding engagement rings has slowly evolved. Traditionally, engagement rings symbolized a promise of commitment between two individuals planning to marry. For many, this still rings true (no pun intended). However, there are also those who choose to get engaged solely as a show of commitment without ever intending to marry.
Along with the evolution in societal norms and relationship dynamics, engagement ring etiquette has changed as well. In today’s world, where second, third, fourth, or subsequent marriages have become common, the etiquette around engagement rings has become more flexible and, as a result, varied. These days, engagement ring etiquette takes into account differing perspectives on love, commitment, and relationships.
So, if you’re thinking of getting engaged and wonder what’s “right” as far as significance and etiquette go, you may be in for a few surprises. Here’s what you should know.
Honoring Your Journey
Given how second, third, or fourth marriages are not unusual, the traditional notion of engagement ring etiquette may not always apply. Therefore, when entering a marriage after your first, it’s helpful to recognize and honor the journey you share with your new partner. This notion should apply whether you’re the giver of the engagement ring or the receiver.
Many couples in marriages that come after their first choose to forgo the traditional engagement ring altogether. For example, if you're embarking on a new marriage, you might decide on a different type of jewelry, like a necklace, bracelet, or earrings. Or you could celebrate your love with a joint tattoo representing your bond, such as the date you met. Or you and your partner could choose to commemorate your engagement with a long-awaited trip.
Whatever you decide, the important thing is to consider your unique circumstances and discuss with your partner how you envision representing your love and commitment to each other. By prioritizing your journey, you can create an engagement tradition that feels true to your relationship, values, and the life you want to build.
Transparency and Communication
Transparency and communication are major aspects of engagement ring etiquette for subsequent marriages. If you and your partner decide that an engagement ring is still the right choice, it can be beneficial in selecting one to have an open and honest discussion about your expectations. Depending on how well you handle your exchanges, the process of choosing the ring can become a memorable bonding experience for you and your partner.
For starters, your discussion should include the budget for the ring. While financial matters can be hard to discuss, setting clear boundaries and expectations is critical to avoid misunderstandings and disappointment.
Conversely, in many second marriages or those that follow, individuals are more financially established and, therefore, are often better positioned to contribute money toward purchasing the engagement ring. Instead of adhering to traditional guidelines, some couples choose to pool their resources.
Other considerations worth discussing include the style of the ring, where the ring will be purchased, and what material the ring will be made from. Depending on how detailed you and your partner want to get before the purchase, your conversations can likewise involve the four Cs and which of them you want to prioritize in your decision-making if you choose a diamond.
Creativity in Ring Selection
Engagement ring etiquette for subsequent marriages invites creativity, meaning you are always free to pick a ring with special significance for you and your partner. To that end, consider vintage rings, family heirlooms, or custom-designed pieces to reflect your individual or shared tastes. But regardless, the ring should celebrate your union by telling your shared story.
A more recent trend for couples in subsequent marriages, in addition to those embarking on first marriages, is to opt for rings with alternative gemstones. Utilizing stones other than diamonds is yet another way to infuse personality into your ring while adding personal significance, such as with a birthstone. Ultimately, your engagement ring should be reflective of you and your romance.
Social Expectations
While the significance of the engagement ring may vary from couple to couple, it’s still widely recognized as a symbol of commitment. That means not everyone will be as gung ho about your choice to deviate from tradition if you decide to.
Depending on how important popular opinion is to you, including the opinions of friends and family, you might want to consider social expectations when choosing an engagement ring. But be sure to do so while still maintaining your authenticity. After all, it’s your ring, your relationship, and, after the wedding, your marriage. Better to set your boundaries early.
Final thoughts …
Engagement ring etiquette for second marriages and beyond has come a long way and can still go further. At the end of the day, though, what matters most is not the engagement ring itself but what it represents. And that is honesty, trust, and love. In other words, everything that can make you sparkle far more than any ring ever could.