Nonverbal communication is an important part of dating. While words are crucial, body language also plays a significant role in conveying emotions and intentions. Though a dating prospect or relationship partner can say all the right things, if they’re communicating something different through nonverbal cues, the message will still come across loud and clear.
It can work the other way, too. Someone can flub their words, yet their body language tells a whole other story. The question is, are you paying attention and listening to your gut? It may just be nonverbal communication providing you with all the information you need about the person you’re with and your prospect of a future with them.
The Silent Language of Attraction
Much of why we’re attracted to someone comes from nonverbal cues. Common nonverbal cues indicating interest include eye contact, subtle touching, and proximity, such as how close someone sits or stands near you or leans into you while you’re conversing together. Of course, too much of a good thing doesn’t bode well for attraction either. Your date is also not the only one in the hot seat.
It’s important when dating to pay attention to not only the nonverbal cues of the person you’re with but also you’re own. Though you may not realize it, the slightest gesture you make can send a signal you don’t intend to send. So, if you like your date, let them know through your facial expressions and body anguage. Smile, don’t cross your arms, and look at them while you — and they — are speaking.
Signs of Disinterest and Red Flags
Though disinterest and red flags aren’t the same thing, they both can be rooted in nonverbal communication. Based on body language, it’s possible to discern that the person you’re with isn’t interested in you, at least romantically. For example, they avoid making eye contact, have a closed-off posture, and make defensive gestures, such as brushing your hand away.
Depending on the degree to which someone exhibits body language that in ordinary situations would be considered appropriate, it could be cause for concern. Though eye contact is generally considered a sign of interest, too much of it, including staring, can make your hair stand on end. This is one of those times to listen to your gut. If you’re feeling uncomfortable, you’re probably not wrong. At which point, you should safely disassociate with this person as soon as possible.
Nonverbal Communication in Online Dating
Face-to-face communications aren’t the only times when nonverbal communication plays a role. The nonverbal cues you display online matter, too, from your online dating profile pics to those images you message through dating apps or by text. The same holds for video chatting.
Whatever the medium, your body language should convey your ability to be open, friendly, and kind. If something about a dating prospect’s images gives you the heebie-jeebies, or their appearance over vide chat, take those feelings to heart and move on swiftly.
When using digital platforms to communicate, apply the same rules you would for communicating in person to convey interest, aside from physically touching the other person, obviously. And remember to be empathetic should you decide to move on due to someone else’s nonverbal cues not being appealing to you in one way or another. Everyone’s built differently, and some individuals may simply have difficulty expressing themselves, which is why it’s important to be respectful.
Improving Your Nonverbal Communication
If you believe you’re one of those people who just can’t seem to get it right in social settings, feel awkward or self-conscious, or are shy, understand that practice can help, and there are professionals to support you, such as a relationship coach. A relationship coach can give you pointers as well as set up mock dates with you to critique your nonverbal cues and help you adjust certain mannerisms you may not be aware of.
After that, you can practice with friends until you feel comfortable enough to try your new skill set out on a real-life date. Though it may be uncomfortable to hear this kind of criticism, it’s important to be self-aware. This is the best way to improve your dating skills.
Final thoughts …
There’s much that goes into attraction. The combination of verbal and nonverbal cues dictating your attraction and attractiveness will thus vary by person and relationship. Therefore, not only will dating more often help you build your verbal and nonverbal communication skills, but you will likewise have a better chance at finding someone you mesh well with in both ways. And begin speaking a love language you and your partner can both understand.