The holidays are over, and you’re easing into the new year, easing being a euphemism. How you’re really feeling, like many people are but don’t want to admit, is exhausted, especially where your dating life is concerned.
You keep telling yourself that you did everything you could think of to meet your person: went on lots of first dates, dove into your career and your hobbies, engaged in self-care. Yet, here you are, again, a year later, and still single. But this go around, you’re feeling even worse for the wear.
Is all hope lost? Meaning, is there anything you can do bring new energy to your dating life this year? After redirecting singles feeling the New Year’s blues for more than three decades, here are my tried and true tips for getting yourself excited about the possibilities ahead.
Edit Your Dating App Profile With a Pair of Fresh Eyes
If you haven’t been getting a lot of likes lately from your dating profile, I would venture to say that it has less to do with the fact that it was just the holidays and people were busy and more to do with the fact your dating profile is probably stale.
You can begin freshening it up by shuffling your photos around. This will kickstart the algorithm and let it know you’re alive and well. Then, with a scrutinizing eye, replace those photos that haven’t been getting a lot of attention with one that’s more recent, not to mention conversation-worthy. It could be you on vacation or in an action shot, maybe playing pickleball. If you’re not sure, run your options by someone before posting. Don’t be afraid to edit again from there if you’re still not getting the results you want in a few weeks.
Next, re-read what you wrote on your profile. Not just your write-up but also your responses to the questions you chose to answer on the app if that’s a feature. Pictures are important, but believe it or not, people still are interested in what you have to say beyond them. Again, if you’re not sure, ask a friend, or better yet, a professional.
Use Your Time and Energy More Intentionally
January tends to be a busy month workwise, with many people hitting the ground running their first day back. In other words, your time may become more limited than it has been recently, which means you have to get better at managing it.
The best way to master time management is to schedule everything important to you so that (a) priorities don’t fall through the cracks or (b) distract you from other important tasks to the point you’re not doing any of them well, including dating.
To prevent that from happening, put time on your calendar to swipe and time on your calendar to answer messages. These are two separate tasks. On another note, only go on dates with people you’ve vetted and who interest you. Quantity matters in dating, but juggling too many people and failing to use your time strategically can hamper your efforts.
Get Clear Change on Who You Say Yes or No To
How wisely you give your time to others when dating is strongly dictated by how strong your “picker” is, the criteria by which you choose who you go out with and who you don’t. If your picker hasn’t been serving you, it’s a sign for you to strengthen it. This is easily accomplished by making a list of all the characteristics you would like in a partner and how important each one is.
People’s lists will vary, but elements that might be a dealbreaker for you, such as religion or whether someone wants to be a parent one day, should be at the top. Once you’re clear on your list, saying yes or no before investing too much time becomes a whole lot more straightforward.
Change Where and How You Meet People
While dating apps are valuable tools for finding people to date, they are not the be-all and end-all for meeting eligible matches. Your results will be much more promising when you supplement your swiping with in-person activities designed for singles.
Think running clubs, pickleball leagues, and cocktail hours/dinner parties specifically choreographed for singles in your area. These groups may be further curated by age range, religion, or anything else the organizers decide on.
Digging in even further, let everyone in your professional and social circles know you’re single and available. There’s nothing like being set up and avoiding the irritations of online dating. Adding a matchmaker to the equation for dating advice, plus access to their experienced picker, means you’ve got all of your bases covered to maximize the ways in which your person can find you.
Date With Less Pressure and Fewer Expectations
Even with all this, there will inevitably be uncomfortable moments and disappointments coming your way. Such is the nature of dating and, for that matter, life. There’s no getting around it, which means there’s also no reason to place such intense pressure on yourself or expect so much out of every single encounter. Yes, all you need is one person, but it may take meeting a bunch before you get to them. So …
Don’t Give Up!
There’s still work to be done, improvements to make, and, most importantly, fun to be had — in dating and in everything you do around it. As I always say, the more interesting you are, the more interested in you someone else will be.