Platonic friendships are directly linked to health and well-being, specifically the notion that people who have close friends are less likely to suffer from depression. Despite their health benefits and the integral role our confidants play in our lives, it sometimes happens that when a friend begins a new romantic relationship, they prioritize time with their partner over their friends, even their best friend, causing a once close friendship to take a back seat.
If the distance becomes too great, persists for too long a time, or a jilted friend decides to sever the connection prematurely out of anger or frustration (e.g., by taking steps to exclude that person from plans with the rest of the friend group), the friendship ends. This can be jarring for both individuals, but especially for the friend who’s still single. If you find yourself in this situation, you’re not alone, as it happens more often than you might think. Here’s how to move forward.
Talk to Your Friend Who’s Hurt You About How You’re Feeling
Before reacting and taking drastic measure to end the friendship unilaterally, approach your friend with a conversation about how you’re feeling. Let them know you miss them, would like to catch up, or are hurt or angry for how they haven’t considered your feelings.
The idea is to be honest as well as open to an explanation. If the friendship means something to you, you’ll listen to what they have to say. In turn, if the friendship means something to them, they will not only hear you out but take affirmative steps to restore the friendship you share.
Understand That Some Friendships Are Just for a Season
You may find, to your amazement and disappointment, that yes, they are deliberately prioritizing their relationship above your friendship. Their reasons could be rooted in various things: how much time they have, their other priorities, religion (some religions explicitly advise putting your spouse before all others, even children), or that they just are kind of done.
This last one may sting, but it’s important to understand that some friendships come into our lives for a season. And that’s OK. Friendships are based on factors such as proximity and where someone is in their life mentally.
The friendship may have also served its purpose for what that person needed and when and has run its course. As for being the one who’s been left behind, this reality can be hard to face but dealing with it head-on can go a long way toward helping you grieve the relationship and move on with your own life.
Remind Yourself That You Don’t Know What Other Factors Are at Play in Your Friend’s Life
Things aren’t always as they seem. Where you might be attributing your friend’s distance to their new relationship, it may actually have nothing to do with it. Financial stressors, illness in their family or with them that you don’t know about, and psychological reasons can all play a part in why a friendship is stagnating for a time.
Your options are to inquire and, even if you aren’t satisfied with your friend’s explanation, to be patient and just see what happens. Sometimes, that’s what being a good friend is — extending your friendship despite the fact that what you’re receiving back doesn’t seem balanced. Regardless of which route you choose, taking care of yourself and your needs should become your priority.
Immerse Yourself in Other Endeavors and Friendships
If you’re feeling isolated or alone because of the loss of a good friend, temporary or permanent, it’s your signal to immerse yourself in other endeavors and to focus on other friendships. That means making plans to engage in activities: trying a new restaurant, getting tickets for the theater, a show, or a movie, playing pickleball, going to the gym, making plans with other friends, and putting yourself in the position to meet new people, include a romatic interest of your own. In other words, your opportunities are many.
Final Thoughts
More often than not, a friend drifting out of your life has more, a lot more, to do with them than it does with you. Which means you shouldn’t take it personally or be a person who weighs themselves down with what you cannot control.
No one is responsible for your happiness except for you. So, if you were relying on your friend’s presence in your life for that, or you are unhappy due to their absence or the limited time they have for you, it’s time to reevaluate what brings you joy and why. And become the best friend to yourself that you deserve.