You’re probably familiar with the phrase “You are what you eat.” If you are health-conscious, you’ve probably also realized there’s much truth to it. Well, there’s another phrase I like to use that I also find to be true, and that is “You are who you date.”
While you may want to argue with me that this statement is not true since you and your love interests are different people who don’t necessarily have the same goals and aspirations, not to mention that you both have unique life histories, I argue that the people you date speak to who you are and where you are in your life. With this in mind, here’s what your dating choices say about you.
Your dating choices speak to how you feel about your appearance.
When you date someone who is trying to improve the way you look — the way you dress, the way you wear your makeup or hair, the color nail polish you choose, and your weight, among other characteristics — and you stay with them once you realize what they’re doing, it’s time to look in the mirror. But not to verify that what they’re saying is true. No. It’s to tell yourself that you don’t need someone to direct you in your life.
If you were good with how you looked before them and now find yourself questioning your appearance because of what the person you’re dating is saying to you about it, you are not living your life for you. It’s one thing if you want to change certain aspects of your appearance, and another if someone else is telling you that they should so you’ll be more attractive to them.
Your dating choices speak to how secure you feel in your finances.
Ask any financial expert, and they’ll probably tell you that financial literacy is correlated with financial independence, and financial independence is correlated with financial security and confidence. They’ll probably also tell you this doesn’t mean you must earn or have saved a lot. You may, but it doesn’t have to. Yes, wealthy people can overspend and find themselves in debt, while middle-class people can enjoy peacefulness in their lives, at least where having adequate means to care for themselves and their family is concerned.
Why does understanding these relationships matter? If you’re dating someone who’s a financial mess, who doesn’t pay their bills on time, who has bill collectors calling, who spends without considering whether they have the means to, and doesn’t prioritize saving for the future or a rainy day, their lifestyle will inevitably impact yours.
At a minimum, they will be nervous or stressed about their finances, or you will be nervous or stressed that they’re not. More importantly, they have already signaled to you that they are not a viable partner.
Hook up with them, and they will drag you down into a financial rabbit hole that could negatively affect your bottom line. When you choose to stay with such a person, you are casting a vote for your future that doesn’t speak highly of the one you’re willing to settle for.
Your dating choices speak to how you feel about your career
When you date someone and they reveal they don’t respect your career path, again, it’s time to reevaluate. If they’re constantly urging you to do something else, step it up a notch, or shift gears in some way because what you do doesn’t make them feel happy or satisfied, you’re effectively letting them take from you.
It’s one thing to ask for guidance and to be on the receiving end of constructive advice that is offered with love, care, and your well-being in mind. It’s another to be on the receiving end of advice given because it would somehow benefit them, whether financially or in how they would look to others.
Stay with this individual, you’re effectively saying that the career you’ve been pouring your heart into doesn’t actually mean that much to you. Is this true?
Your dating choices speak to your ability to take care of your children
If you are a parent, you are dating both for yourself and them. Even if you aren’t looking to get married, being in a long-term relationship with someone means their presence will seep into your relationships with your family, particularly your children.
When a partner is not parent material in your mind, based on how they parent their children or how they behave otherwise, you are making a statement about your ability to protect your family, not to mention yourself. Even if this person has little to no contact with your kids, if they’re not treating their own the right way, if you fundamentally disagree with their parenting choices or life choices, it will cause dissension for you, and maybe arguments with them. Is this what you need to feel secure in your relationship today and the future?
Your dating choices speak to how you feel about your attractiveness level in general
Should you experience some or all of the above with the person you’re dating, deep down, you already know you have no future with them. So, it’s time to ask yourself: Why are they still in your life?
The people you date should like you for you. You are not someone’s pet project. You are not here for someone else to turn you into what you want. That’s not how dating or life, for that matter, should work.
When you stay with someone who makes you feel “less than,” you are making a statement about your level of attractiveness overall, specifically that you’re not attractive as a partner. Without knowing you, I already know that’s not true.
We all have parts of ourselves and parts of our lives that we’d like to improve on. This is a good thing. It means we’re still living and growing as human beings.
You want to find a partner who feels the same positivity about themselves and their lives. The best relationships come about when two people who are strong, independent, and confident in their growth merge their lives so they can continue to be strong independently and even stronger as a couple.