So often, the conversation among singles revolves around men moving too fast, meaning asking for sex on or before the first date. Or on the second or the third, way before many women find themselves ready.
But there’s a flip side to this, which is making women uncomfortable as well: when a guy is moving too slow, as in he hasn’t made his move, even leaning in for a kiss, a couple of months in. The question thus emerges: Is he not interested? Here’s what to consider when answering this question for yourself.
Have you forgotten what it means to have a man respect you?
When a guy is moving slowly, it can feel like rejection in disguise. But a slow pace doesn’t automatically translate to disinterest. It might mean he’s trying to be cautious or unsure how you feel.
Ask yourself this: Are you interpreting his patience as a lack of desire because you’re used to being pressured? Some women confuse respect with distance, particularly if they’re used to men pushing physical boundaries early on.
You can appreciate someone taking their time without jumping to conclusions. And it might be worth exploring whether the discomfort comes from him or an old pattern that makes you question your worth when things aren’t moving faster.
Has he demonstrated through his actions that he’s interested in you romantically?
Is he calling or texting regularly? Does he ask how your day was, and remember little things you’ve said? Does he make plans in advance? These are the signs that someone’s interested, so if the answer is yes, that is a kind of intimacy. Just because it hasn’t turned physical doesn’t mean he doesn’t want it to with you.
If you’re not getting any of that, it’s worth considering whether his slowness is rooted in a lack of desire or effort. People show interest in different ways, but it’s pretty clear when someone puts energy into building a connection.
When a man keeps things vague, is only available on his terms, or if every interaction leaves you reading between the lines, you should take it as he’s not interested. Though you don’t need grand, romantic gestures, consistency and care count for a lot. If you’re left guessing rather than feeling chosen, his slow pace might be about his priorities, of which you’re not one.
Have you brought up the subject of sex?
It’s completely fine to talk about sex before you have it. If he hasn’t brought it up and you’re wondering where he stands, you don’t need to wait for him to make the first move. You can open that door.
The way someone reacts to that conversation will tell you a lot. Does he shut down or get awkward? Or is he open and responsive?
You also don’t have to lead with “Why haven’t you kissed me?” But you can say, “I’ve noticed we haven’t talked about physical stuff yet, and I’m curious how you’re thinking about it.”
That’s not pressure. It’s communication. If you’re both adults and getting to know each other with the hope of a real relationship, conversations like this should feel normal and not scary. Bottom line: Don’t assume silence means he’s not into it. He might just be waiting for a signal that you’re open to the topic.
Have you discussed exclusivity and commitment around sex?
This is an important factor. Some people don’t like to mix physical intimacy with uncertainty. If he’s taking his time, it could be because he wants to know where things are going before taking that step. Yes, men can think like this, too. It’s a sign of emotional maturity.
Or he could be dating multiple people and isn’t ready to cross that line with anyone yet. Here’s the thing: You don’t have to guess. Ask.
You’re allowed to want transparency about what sex means in the context of a relationship. If you’re a person who wants exclusivity before becoming physical, this is an excellent opportunity to say that out loud. See how he responds.
When a guy shares a similar view or respects yours, that should tell you something about his values. Should he dodge the issue or cause you to feel awkward about bringing it up, that’s also telling. Either way, you get information to move forward without blinders on.
Are you ready to ask him to test for STIs, and you to do the same?
This topic’s talked about less often, but it matters greatly. Before your relationship turns physical, you should feel safe having this conversation. If you’re hesitating to ask him about testing or to offer to do it yourself, ask why.
Is it because you’re unsure of how he’ll react? Is it too soon, or are you not feeling close enough with him to have this conversation yet? Being ready for sex means being prepared to talk about health and safety, too. You don’t need to make the conversation heavy. You can say, “When the time comes, I’d want us both to get tested. That’s part of how I take care of myself.” If you’re uncomfortable saying that to him, maybe it’s not the right time to be physical.
Final Thoughts
Sex is one way to deepen your connection, and should not revolve around anyone’s timeline except your own. If you can’t talk about it, don’t do it. If you can, then you’re likely in a healthier spot to determine whether this is someone you want to have sex with for all the reasons that feel right to you.