The Ultimate Holiday Romance Guide: 8 Strategies for a Season of Success

The holidays can be a joyous time but also a stressful one.  With the right attitude and advice, you can enter 2015 more confident and ready for romance than ever. The Innovative Match (IM) matchmakers have compiled a list of first-class recommendations to get you through the season with your head high and a positive mindset. 1. The Holidays Are About LoveHowever, love does not require being in a relationship. Take moments to remember and appreciate the amazing parts of your life. If you are single, make the holidays about self-love, not about wishing you were with someone.

2. Relish Freedom Being unattached allows you to set your own holiday schedule and take charge of your plans. Make appointments for pampering dates with yourself. Check out eHarmony’s article “5 Great Reasons To Be Single During the Holidays.” Focus on being the best version of you and a holiday glow will radiate in your everyday life.

3. Steer Clear of Holiday Blues A positive attitude is key to acceleration on the Romance Highway. If you take charge and keep your eyes on your goals, stress and negativity will be left in the dust. This may mean abstaining from checking your online dating accounts too frequently. Reflect on what is best for you this season and stay focused.

 4. Opportunities Are Knocking – Answer the Door It’s a festive, ideal time to reconnect with old friends and meet new people. Have a few minutes of down time? Call or email someone you’ve lost touch with and wish them happy holidays. Browse your online dating matches and send messages. A seasonal greeting may lead to a great connection!

5. Become a Holiday Party Pro Hit the holiday party circuit beaming! If you’re single, these events land you in a social setting where potential partners can find you. Follow these IM tips on how to look fabulous and make an unforgettable impression. Ask the host to introduce you to whoever catches your eye. Check out these great tips for solo party goers from Part 4 of bestselling author Leila Lowndes’ book How to Instantly Connect with Anyone!. Leverage party pointers from Midsummer’s Eve (the UK and Ireland's award-winning dating site) and you may leave with a new first date on your schedule!

6. In a New Relationship? Holiday Nourish It! This winter season presents phenomenal opportunities to pursue fun with a new companion; suggest dinner and the theater or holiday shopping with a date. AskMen provides novel seasonal ideas for making romance magic.

7. Look Fabulous for the Holidays An easy trap to fall into is over eating and a lack of exercise. Check out this must read article from the great Huffington Post editorial team: “Holiday Survival Guide: 8 Strategies to Avoid Overeating”.

 8. Start Your New Year’s Dating Resolutions Now Consider New Year’s resolutions that can help you to achieve your romantic goals. If you haven’t dated online, start now. If you’re on a site, join one or two more. It’s a “numbers” game; to be selective you need a large pool of potential candidates. Maybe your online profile needs a tweak – or a makeover. IM clients have seen results double and their quality of matches dramatically improve by changing screen names, updating photos and profiles. Also, take stock and reassess the many other options for maximizing dating opportunities.

 

 

This season revolves largely around gratitude, connecting with others, reflection and new beginnings - an ideal climate in which to celebrate yourself, those you love, and your romance journey. Happy Holidays from the entire IM team!

 

IM Recognition #14 - Debunking the Biggest Myths of Dating Over 40

“Debunking the Biggest Myths of Dating Over 40” receives this week’s Innovative Match (IM) Recognition Award! Recommended by the IM Editorial Team, this eHarmony article by Bobbi Palmer wins our nod of approval for the valuable message it promotes. We hope you’ll enjoy this informative read as you continue your journey on the Romance Highway.

 

Debunking the Biggest Myths of Dating Over 40 by Bobbi Palmer

Boost Fall & Holiday Dating Confidence & Calm: New Body Language Research Revealed

For singles, the fall and holiday months can rank high on the “stress-o-meter.” Not only is it dating high season, but also travel, social activities and family events abound! Although it’s an ideal time to meet “the one,” romance fatigue can occur.  One way to rejuvenate, particularly for the 45+ set, is to employ body language mastery along with techniques to avoid dating burnout.

For insights on two-minute confidence strategies, enjoy the latest article about Harvard professor Amy Cuddy - an Innovative Match (IM) favorite! Tap into Cuddy’s no pill, no therapy bill, instant self-assurance poses that have rocketed her to the top of the TED talk charts. Featured in last month’s New York Times, she commands the attention of celebrities, Fortune 100 officers, and politicians. Best yet, you can apply these methods not only to dating but also to other endeavors and potentially change the trajectories within your life.

 

Other IM community body language recommendations include the Forbes classic “10 Ways Body Language Can Help You Be More Powerful” and, especially for our male readers, “Top 10: Ways to Show Confidence With Body Language” posted by AskMen.com’s editorial team.

Fall Into Romance: Peak Dating Season Has Arrived!

1. The Best Months for Dating Online dating experts agree; winter is a peak dating period. Singles are spending more time indoors, which inevitably leads to more conversation, sharing and intimacy. Enjoy this quick read about romance in the winter months.

Match.com, one of the largest online dating communities, reported a 25-30% boost in traffic between December 25th and February 14th, its “peak season,” with January 5th being its busiest day of the year!

Innovative Match (IM) reports record activity in the weeks leading up to December as singles move into the peak season. Dating activity swells and singles are highly motivated to sign up for online sites, take new photos, redo profiles, approach potential matches, engage matchmakers, or prepare for other romance avenues for the first time.

This is the prime time to assess or re-assess your dating perspectives and strategies.

2. Don’t Let Peak Period Pass You By: Overcome Procrastination

Many people procrastinate when approaching new and seemingly daunting tasks. Breeze through this five minute read on procrastination. You’re likely to come out on the other side ready to press the pedal to the medal in dating and other areas of your life. For further encouragement, see our IM Recognition award about rethinking your resistance to online dating.

3. “Just Do It”: 10 Best Dating Tips for Men

Hats off to the editors at eHarmony. Get great insights from a fresh and funny photo journey through their top 10 favorite tips for men!

4. Ultimate Dating Guide for 45+ Women

Expertly crafted, “The Ultimate Dating Guide for Women 45+” provides top tips from Cass and the IM team as well as a compilation of the web’s most hard hitting dating gems mined by IM’s social team.

So fall into romance by putting the pedal to the medal now!

IM Recognition #13 - 7 Rules For Online Dating Profile Pix That Get You Noticed

"7 Rules For Online Dating Profile Pix That Get You Noticed" receives this week’s Innovative Match (IM) Recognition Award! Recommended by the IM Editorial Team, this Huffington Post article by Lisa Copeland reinforces the idea that strong profile pictures are a great way to leave a perfect first impression at the electronic cocktail party. We hope you’ll enjoy this informative read as you continue your journey on the Romance Highway.

 

7 Rules For Online Dating Profile Pix That Get You Noticed by Lisa Copeland

IM Recognition #12 - Online Dating: Don't Give Up

"Online Dating: Don't Give Up" receives this week's Innovative Match (IM) Recognition Award! Dating burnout is common among singles. Discouraged and disheartened, nearly 50% of adults who contact IM report that they’ve tried online dating sites and are met with little to no success. However, persistence, open mindedness and a strategic approach can quickly reverse the tide and produce strong results. Enjoy and leverage the results-oriented tips in this hands on Match.com read as you continue on your Romance Highway journey.

Online Dating: Don't Give Up by Theo Pauline Nestor

"Ask Cass" Nominated for The Forbes List of 100 Best Websites for Women 2014

The "Ask Cass" Editorial Team thanks our readers for their tweets and endorsements over the past few weeks in response to our nomination for The Forbes List of 100 Best Websites for Women 2014. We're honored to be considered for this prestigious list and grateful to Forbes for the exceptional content and community building they provide for women. Finally, we extend our deep appreciation to the growing Innovative-Match.com and "Ask Cass" community for its vibrant and thoughtful contributions and engagement.

IM Recognition #11 - Relationship Communication: How to Talk So That Your Partner Will Listen

“Relationship Communication: How to Talk So That Your Partner Will Listen” receives this week’s Innovative Match (IM) Recognition Award! Recommended by the IM Editorial Team, this Huffington Post article by Robert Leahy, Ph.D. wins our nod of approval for the valuable message it promotes. We hope you’ll enjoy this informative read as you continue your journey on the Romance Highway.  

Relationship Communication: How to Talk So That Your Partner Will Listen by Robert Leahy, Ph.D.

Thinking of Dating Again? How to Start Doing & Stop Thinking

  “Dating After Divorce” receives this week’s Innovative Match (IM) Recognition Award! Recommended by Cassie & the IM Editorial Team, this article covers David A. Anderson, Ph.D.’s personal research, along with others’ work, on how individuals recovering from a long-term relationship can get back into “dating mode” and expand their social circle.

             Anderson describes the ritual of dating as “daunting” for those who have lost a loved one, gone through a divorce, or who simply need to get back out there and find the right person. Divorce, among other bad experiences, can leave your self-esteem, self-value and “social price” damaged. This makes it all too easy for people to fall back into old dating patterns and partners. What many find most disconcerting is that the singles’ arena looks like a droplet compared to the ocean available during their younger years.

Cassie agrees psychology plays a big role. However, the biggest hurdle is knowing how to date and what to do to get back out in the arena. Here the IM Matchmakers discuss the best advice to help you stop thinking and go start dating again.

 

1. Personal Tree of Life

Have you ever noticed how certain people seem to radiate happiness and attract others? This is because positive people attract other positive people.

In the Personal Tree of Life, you are the tree and your life is comprised of branches. Where do your branches lead you? You need to feed your tree with sunlight and water to help your branches grow because branches reach out into the unknown. By building a strong foundation of roots, you’ll be able to take on changes which help you grow and nurture yourself. Feel rooted in the decisions you make. Trust that where you are in life is where you a supposed to be.

In other words, do you feel good enough about yourself to date? This is a vital first step that requires you to be honest with yourself. Think of positive aspects in your life that you can improve; get in shape, be satisfied and happy with your career, family and friends.

In Anderson’s article he describes assessing your self worth: “People with low self-esteem tend to create relationships with others who evaluate them negatively. If you're suffering from a negative self-image, it's vital you take steps to create a positive, healthy self-concept.”

2.“I don’t know how to date.”

The first step to dating is feeling good. To help recognize your good traits, write a list of positive affirmations about yourself and keep them posted somewhere you can see them. This will help you manage self-doubt by accepting who you are today. It’s important to honor yourself in the present so you can kick start goals to get you moving - mentally and physically - in the right direction.

Motivational speaker, self-help author and life coach Tony Robbins discusses the challenge of taking negative thinking and making it useful to you:

“Decide to develop the habit of focusing on what is right in your world instead of what is wrong. Make it a habit to focus on what you do have, instead of what you don’t have in life. As basic as this is and as well as you already know it, you’ve got to start creating a habit because this habit forms the chain of your ultimate character - of who you become and how you end up living your life.”

The next time you find yourself thinking, “I don’t know how to date,” remind yourself not to let your own self-doubt and fear hold you back. Set the stage and put your life in motion.

3.“What do I do?”

This is a methodical process. Think about your comfort level and assess your fears. Don’t jump or force yourself into anything. If you are a widow or divorcee it’s important to remind yourself that you’ve already been through the hard parts of life and that you can do this.

Take active steps. You won’t find a new partner or friend by sitting around the house. Anderson advises you make a list of 20 activities you would enjoy doing with the perfect partner. This will help motivate you to be active and not feel like your whole life is on pause.

Look around at online dating websites. If you feel uncomfortable or are worried about an ex seeing you online, make the choice to start off small. You don’t have to post a profile picture. You can still interact with others and look around to get yourself familiar with online dating practices.

‘Start off small’ can also mean visiting smaller dating sites. Large communities like Match.com and eHarmony can be unnerving. Try choosing a small dating website so it’s not as intimidating and full of people. Some of these sites are better at finding you a new partner who shares your common interests or values. The Huffington Post article,  “5 Reasons to Go Niche When Looking for Love Online” by Laurie Davis, is full of practical reasons why you may want to start out in a smaller dating space. Davis suggests websites like ALikeWise.com, ChristianMingle.com, Cupidtino.com, and JDate.com as good sites to consider.

4. Open Your Network

Making new friends and opening your self up to new relationships can seem challenging. It is important to open up your world because you never know whom you’ll meet at any given time.

 

Consider hobbies you enjoy or activities your former self used to love. Maybe you played a lot of tennis in college. Get back into it! Join a tennis group or clinic.  Who knows, your next doubles partner could be the love of your life. Pursuing interests will put you back in the people arena. Making new friends and expanding your social network will give you a new support system and help grow your self-confidence.

 

Yolanda, from Anderson’s article, discusses the benefits of opening herself up after divorce. “My divorce split our extended families and friends," she says of her and her ex-husband. "But my new friends had a fresh perspective that helped my self-esteem. Those who were single had confidence that was contagious; that really helped me when I started going out again as a single person. And sometimes they offered good advice."

5.  Nervous about First Dates? 

Ushering in a whole new set of hang-ups, a first date can be tough. The following reading list for men and women is packed with advice on how to dress, appropriate first date topics, things to avoid saying and much more:

6.  The First Date

         You’ve jumped over the hurdle of fear & uncertainty and gotten yourself a first date! Now you need to figure out what to do and what to say. The most important thing to remember is not to overschedule yourself on the day of your date. Avoid scheduling dates right after work when you’re flustered, feel and look disheveled from the day and need to unwind. Cassie & the IM editorial team offer this set of first date guidelines before you start planning: “Your Ultimate Guide to Successful First Dates”

 

IM Recognition #10 - Forbes' Top Cities for Single Men and Women to Live In

Forbes receives this week's Innovative Match (IM) Recognition Award for its articles on the top cities for single men and women to live in! Recommended by the IM Editorial Team, these Rent.com articles win our nod of approval. We hope you'll enjoy these informative reads as you continue your journey on the Romance Highway.

Top Cities for Single Women

Top Cities for Single Men

 

IM Recognition #9 - Getting Married: The Strategic Approach

“Getting Married: The Strategic Approach” receives this week’s IM Recognition Award! Recommended by the Innovative Match Editorial Team, this Oprah article with advice from Rachel Greenwald wins our nod of approval for the valuable message it promotes. We hope you’ll enjoy this informative read as you continue your journey on the Romance Highway.

 

Getting Married: The Strategic Approach by Michelle Burford

Finding Your Partner When Over 50: Committing to Now

This week Innovative Match is proud to share a guest post from author Galen Fultz. Galen illuminates new techniques for inviting "the One" into your life now.   The world of 50+ dating is extremely different when compared to the dating experiences of 20 or 30-somethings.

Words like 'baggage, divorce, emotionally available' commonly surface in dating profiles.

Depending on your relationship history, you are likely looking for a special someone to spend a long time or even a lifetime with. Someone with whom you can connect in every way: physically, emotionally, intellectually, mentally, spiritually and someone who has a great sense of humor to go along with these chosen words.

To manifest change in your life you need to make space for it to happen.

In the pursuit of a relationship, you need to make the space in your daily life to meet someone. Taking time to get online, write a profile, search profiles, email, talk on the phone, and arrange the first meeting is logistically challenging and takes a lot of planning and energy. From the time you take these active steps to the time you finally meet someone who ‘it’ actually clicks with - it all takes up space. It is up to you to make this space to start spending time with people you are interested in.

When I think of 'making space’, I picture clearing something out so something new can come in. It’s as simple as a glass full of water. None can be added until some water has been drunk or poured out. You are the glass. Within us we hold our thoughts, feelings, desires and impressions of the world outside of us.

Here is an exercise to get you considering the space that is needed to begin a new romantic relationship. Go into your home closet and make room for someone else to keep some of their clothes in it - making just enough space for someone who will only stay for a few days. Do the same in your drawers. It all sounds simple, but for some making this space may prove quite challenging.

While doing this exercise you might say to yourself, "I don't have time to do that right now," "Where am I going to put the displaced stuff?” or “I don't want to get rid of anything."

Time. It's tough to make and hard to find.

We all lead busy lives. Rushing from work to the gym or off to see friends and other daily chores fill our hectic days. A good way to create time in your life is to set an evening aside during the week just for you to unwind. You could have dinner and watch a movie, for example. In this very simple way you are opening up and setting aside time for a special person, or for someone to be in your life. Regardless of whether you are using this as a relationship builder, it is also great practice in self-care which is something everyone needs to make more time for.

Ask yourself,  “Am I ready and willing to create space and let a loving relationship flow into my life?”

Making space gets a lot trickier when you are trying to make room for emotional space. Some good questions to think about and ask yourself are:

“Am I over my past relationship?”

“Am I closing my heart off because it has been broken and I am afraid to love again?”

“Do I fantasize or feel emotionally tied to an old lover?”

“Am I angry with a former spouse, lover, or partner from a divorce or break-up?”

These are all things that take up emotional space. You need to be able to release and make space to allow a new love into your heart and life. It’s like a computer. It is not just enough to put an old file in the trash can. You have to empty the trash to free up more space on the hard drive. Taking time to heal old wounds and emotions will make you happier, more attractive and put you in a better position to create the relationship you want.

Time certainly helps heal wounds, but sometimes you need professional help to get through more difficult things. One shouldn’t feel that there is any stigma attached to seeing a professional counselor or self-help group to work out mental aches and pains.

I myself have benefited enormously from the extensive time I spent with a psychotherapist. I attribute my success in relationships to having been helped by personal therapy.

Mental space is something that requires careful, thoughtful self-examination. Someone who thinks they know it all and have it all figured out lacks open mental space and is not perceived as attractive by most people. Maintaining a closed mind to new ideas, things and people limits your experience of life. When you place boundaries on your life, you limit your ability to be transformed by it.

I believe we are constantly evolving, here to be awed by the mystery of all that is around us and really become the love that we long for. When you go around thinking you know about something or someone before you really do, you can really risk missing out. This applies to meeting a new person, which requires openness to find out who they are and what they may have to share with you.

Creating space in your life gives room for new things to come into it. Self-care is essential to this process for a variety of reasons. If your life is too busy and you are suffering, you need to make the time to enjoy life by finding a balance between work and pleasure. Try something easy like yoga or just walking for 20 minutes everyday.

Creating this small amount of space will help you collect your thoughts, stay fit and feel more positive. New, open space will allow you to build a relationship filled with pleasure.

I think you will agree that the kind of person you want to attract into your life is emotionally clear, happy and mature. Most people by now have had enough drama in earlier marriages and relationships to last a lifetime. I firmly believe that the best way to attract the relationship you want is to embody the clear, happy person whom you wish to draw into your life.

Galen Fultz is a landscape designer living and working in Marin County, California. Like everyone else there, he is working on a screenplay and a novel. He met his last 3 significant relationships on Match.com and has considerable experience in online dating. He is presently in a relationship.

A portfolio of his landscape design projects can be seen at www.houzz.com/pro/plantspirit/avant-garden

Your Ultimate Guide to Successful First Dates

Ever wonder why you can’t get past the first date? Cass and the Innovative Match (IM) team have spoken to thousands of men after first dates over the course of 3 decades. Last week’s “first date” IM Recognition Award prompted great attention, so this week the team is expanding the discussion to reveal the IM Matchmakers’ best advice to master first dates every time. 1. KNOW WHY MEN DON’T CALL YOU BACK Review relationship expert Rachel Greenwald’s excellent studies covering the top First Date Breakers and Makers for men. Self-assess and make behavioral changes.

2. PRACTICE PLUS PLANNING MAKES PERFECT Preparation can help ease fear about unfamiliar situations, e.g. first dates. Do your homework and brainstorm conversation topics that will be mutually engaging.  Contemplate follow up questions for your date. Make an easy practice of conversing with strangers when running errands, at the gym, etc.! Keep up with current events and stay plugged into the world; you’ll feel great and be comfortable conversing with anyone.

3. GET MOVING, GET CONFIDENT Physical activity naturally triggers positive hormones and suppresses negative thoughts. Plus, it contributes to overall self-care and love.  Play your favorite music as you work out to beat tension and as you get ready to foster happy energy. In your final pre-date minutes, try deep breathing exercises and recite positive affirmations such as “I am strong and confident” or “Tonight will be fun!” Match.com also has terrific advice on countering the "fight or flight" response and focusing on the positive.

4. SET YOURSELF UP FOR SUCCESS Wear attire that makes you feel like a star.  Check out Rent the Runway if you need an ultra quick wardrobe boost with minimal investment.  Shoo away negative thoughts with these 5 surefire tips for beating first date jitters.  Rock power poses to raise confidence by 20%! This favorite IM technique can also be used during dates to reduce nerves - simply go to the ladies’ room and work that pose!

5. BULLETPROOF LOGISTICS Opt for a meet-and-greet drink or coffee instead of a long meal to avoid unnecessary pressure on a first meeting.

6. BE PRESENT You never know where this meeting may lead, romantically or otherwise! Make pleasant conversation and get to know your date. Learn! Your date’s life will be rich with his or her experiences and points of view.  Interact with the wait staff and other patrons or even people watch together.

7. KNOW YOUR EXIT STRATEGY Prolonging unhappy early dates can have a negative impact on your energy and dating mindset. Have a plan to leave gracefully - a corporate or family commitment if needed.  Once you've completed your beverage, express your thanks and depart. If asked about a second date, offer to check your schedule and reconnect.  On a first date, everyone is nervous so try to give people an opportunity.  However, take care of yourself first and be mindful of your own well-being.

8. RELEASE FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN Remember, this is just a date!  Forget worst-case scenarios and enjoy the excitement of being on the Romance Highway. Being vulnerable and allowing everything to unfold exhibits your confidence (and helps make you irresistible to men)!

Above all, pat yourself on the back!  Your goal has already been achieved just by “putting yourself out there”; embrace the excitement of new experiences, networking and learning. Cherish and celebrate the journey with the right attitude and your ending will be even sweeter.  Happy dating!

Best Summer 2014 Dating Reads & Resources: Creating the Ultimate Romance Highway Vacation

Beach days, vacations, and outdoor activities -- summer is upon us and with the higher temps comes our favorite season for romance and fun. For those in a relationship, now is the time for trips and exploring with partners while singles can use the slower pace to brush up dating profiles, travel, and meet new people. The Ask Cass Editorial Team is also ready for a road trip; we’ll be traveling the globe and cyberspace to develop new initiatives, resources, and services for our readers to enjoy. Be on the lookout for our “Summer Dating Research Series,” prepped with the best data to optimize your relationship approach and experience! To get the season rolling, we’re excited to share some of our Innovative Match (IM) summer favorites. First, here is our top 10 must read list for romantic enlightenment and inspiration. Soak up some fabulous dating know-how while relaxing in the sunshine:

  • Have Him at Hello: An IM favorite, Rachel Greenwald’s classic (geared towards our female readers) will equip daters with tried and true tips from a 10-year dating study.
  • How Not to Look Old: Fast and Effortless Ways to Look 10 Years Younger, 10 Pounds Lighter, 10 Times Better: Charla Krupp’s New York Times bestseller is an expert, easy-to-follow guide for looking your best.
  • The Art of the Approach: The A Game Guide to Meeting Beautiful Women: Logan Edwards targets male readers, sharing advice on being your best self as well as communication strategies for dating success.
  • How to Talk to Anyone: Leil Lowndes’ guide is a must-read, presenting proven communication techniques for any encounter. Put these tips into practice this summer and be ready to transform your professional and social life.
  • Ladder of Years: O magazine’s own book reviewer, Leigh Haber, recommends this summer read by Anne Tyler. Revel in the journey of a middle-aged woman’s reinvention from an ever-shrinking identity to independence and self-reliance.
  • I’ve Got You Under My Skin: New York Times bestselling author Mary Higgins Clark offers another page-turner, perfect company for mystery lovers while traveling or enjoying a staycation.
  • Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking: Malcolm Gladwell’s bestseller navigates how we think without thinking and choices that seem to be made in the blink of an eye. Blink is especially applicable in the game of love, offering valuable insight on our everyday interactions.
  • Mars and Venus on a Date: Bringing to light the differences between men and women, this fun guide offers perspective that will help you navigate the dating maze and find that special person you've been waiting for.
  • Stop Getting Dumped!: Lisa Daily tells all in this practical and hilarious guide to beating the "dating slump" and meeting (and keeping!) the kind of partner we all dream about.
  • Find a Husband After 35: (Using What I Learned at Harvard Business School): Another favorite title from dating coach Rachel Greenwald, targeting singles 35-95. Here is her 15-step action program based on simple marketing tactics she learned at Harvard Business School.

Our favorite tip for spicing up those summer nights? Amp up your vacation wardrobe and evenings on the town with Rent the Runway! Our Ask Cass Editorial Team can’t recommend this A-list service enough, which delivers the designer experience right to your door. With a collection of dresses and accessories ranging from Hervé Léger and Badgley Mischka to Carolina Herrera and Versace, the expert Rent the Runway stylists will transform your date look with effortless class and style.

Now that you’re well equipped with our summer faves, ready yourself for the best season yet! Remember to embrace adventure and keep an open mind to new paths. Here’s our favorite mantra from Eric Schmidt:

“Find a way to say yes to things. Say yes to invitations to a new country, say yes to meet new friends, say yes to learn something new. Yes is how you get your first job, and your next job, and your spouse, and even your kids. Even if it's a bit edgy, a bit out of your comfort zone, saying yes means that you will do something new, meet someone new, and make a difference. Yes lets you stand out in a crowd, be the optimist, see the glass full, be the one everyone comes to. Yes is what keeps us all young.”

Here’s to your amazing summer road trip on the Romance Highway, filled with exciting new destinations, people, and experiences!

 

 

 

The Ultimate Dating Guide for Women 45+: Relationship Experts’ Top Tips for Captivating Quality Men Online

Congrats! You’ve mustered the courage to start your online dating journey. With your well-written, confident and fabulous profile -- plus 4 - 6 attractive photos -- you’re ready to roll. Maximize your chances of success with Innovative Match’s (IM) “Ultimate Dating Guide for Women 45+”! Be sure to read all of the linked articles, carefully curated by the IM Social Media team. 1. Take Control You’re 45+ and crazy busy, so mastering the online time management game is key! Take 5 minutes to read Bonny Alba’s “Making Time for Love” and map out a plan. To “outsource” some of the process, explore reputable relationship coaches or matchmaking firms such as IM.

2. Commit to the Process

Online dating is a marathon, not a sprint. Log on to your online dating accounts (recall, we recommend at least 2) several times a week to check profile views, likes, winks, evaluate matches, respond and prospect.

3. Make the First Move

Jane Austen would have contacted men, and so should you! IM, relationship experts and matchmakers agree that outreach is an essential (and empowering) tactic! Narrow your criteria to those whom you will realistically complement, but don’t be overly selective. Online dating is a numbers game; contact at least 12+ men a week in addition to responding to those who email you. Adjust your goals as you begin to date.

4. Be Compelling

Online introductions and language are as important as meeting in person. Review OK Cupid’s tutorial to capture interest and perfect your early communications etiquette.

5. Opt for Old School

Someone can articulate their personality beautifully online, but if you sense potential match magic, get to the phone. No need to chat for hours; 20 minutes can reveal hobbies, backgrounds, common interests and goals. People are often reluctant to share their number for security reasons, but modern technology offers numbers that are private or untraceable.

6. Avoid “Email-Phone Date” Quicksand Is your goal to meet “Mr. Right” or “Mr. Right Now”? Assuming it’s the former, meet ASAP. If he doesn’t beat you to the punch, one approach is to end your call with a breezy (no pressure, please), “Well, it’s been great chatting; I’ve got to call my [father, friend, sibling etc. - he/she needs some help/advice], but I’d love to make a plan to get together and continue the conversation.”  If he feels the same, he’ll respond on the spot or shortly thereafter.  If he doesn’t, it may be time to move on.

7. Google and Gut Check

Think Nancy Drew. In addition to phone speak, be an Internet detective.  Often, the info you need is just a few keystrokes away. If you're still uncomfortable with the prospect of meeting someone, don't. You have zero obligations to meet people who make you feel “iffy.”

8. Hold Fast to Power and Self-Esteem Online dating can take a toll; work to maintain your confidence and resilience. Identify those in your network who can be wingmen or supportive. Keep your sense of humor and fun in tact; smiling and laughter are great mood lifters! Finally, be mindful of your schedule and state of mind in order to avoid dating burn out.

Now that your inbox is filling up, lean back, breathe and celebrate your grand adventure. You’ll learn about yourself, encounter new people and experiences, and with time and effort, likely meet the love of your life.  

Think of us as a dating GPS and check back for more tips and directions along the way.

Happy Travels!

The 45+ Woman’s Ultimate Dating Profile Guide: How to Turbocharge Your Launch or Re-Launch

For those launching their online dating adventure or re-launching their profile, this Innovative Match (IM) guide is for YOU! 45+ online daters often proclaim:

“This isn’t working.  I’m not getting the right activity.”

“The men I contact aren’t responding!” 

or “I’m not getting emails from the right demographic.”

Think of posting your dating profile as you would listing your home. Optimize your property and its positioning to attract the maximum number of qualified parties. One of the single fastest ways to increase your dating activity is a profile re-launch following these steps:

 

1. TAKE STOCK Would you want to date yourself?  Is your profile (including photos) optimized for results? Are you on the right sites? Are your expectations realistic? Are you reaching out to new men regularly? If the answers are “Yes!” and you’ve been on a site for more than 6 months with dwindling activity, it’s time for a change. Opt for a new online dating site and/or re-launch your profile. Revamping your data can result in significantly more activity, with more suitable potential partners to boot!

2. COMPEL WITH THE COVER PHOTO

As in real estate, if people don’t stop to look at a “property,” they’ll never see the wonderful world within!  Author Malcolm Gladwell introduced the important concept of “thin slicing” in his best seller “Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking.” First impressions count far more than most realize, with decisions occurring in two seconds.

Thus, the cover photo counts. Review carefully our IM blog on first dates and impressions before photo shoots and selecting that crucial cover photo. Need help distinguishing hot from not? Show your photo options to a few trustworthy male friends.

3. REVITALIZE THE VISUALS

Sight is our most influential sense; pictures have 60,000x more impact than text. It is a widely accepted fact that men are more visual than women when it comes to initially assessing a potential partner or date. Thus, choose your photos wisely!

Four to six current photos are ideal. The first should be a glamour shot of you at your best, professionally photographed, if possible. A full body shot in special occasion attire helps a man visualize what you'd look like on a date, at a party or at a business function. A casual, fun shot and a picture of you with friends or family can show your social circle and reveal your lighter side. Activity shots (e.g. yoga, tennis, water sports) show off your fun, athletic side. Partners want to know you will have time to spend with them and that you are versatile. Show you know how to let your hair down after a long work week! Lastly, include a corporate shot if appropriate.

Finally, prepare heavily for professional shoots as well as the taking of casual shots. This effort will yield dividends. Before you begin, read Huffington Post’s compendium of profile tips and WikiHow’s “How to be More Attractive to Men.”

4. DAZZLE WITH YOUR DESCRIPTION Ask friends for ten adjectives that describe you. Two to three well-written, compelling paragraphs are best for your profile. Check out other singles’ dating profiles for inspiration.  Show your diversity and incorporate both fun and sophisticated aspects of yourself, particularly in travel and vacation sections. Balance writing about work with info about your values, hobbies, and social activities. Include what you can provide and seek in a prospective partner.

5. EXCITE and STAND OUT

Share passions to discover common ground. For example, “I’ve never golfed before, but I’m a great athlete and would love to play (particularly with a partner),” or “I’m very athletic and pick things up fast, so I want to learn to ski.” Such statements show potential partners that you are receptive to new things and will introduce them to new experiences as well.

6. CHOOSE A WINNING “LISTING” STRATEGY

Just as you would weigh all options for listing your home, e.g. which broker(s), websites, strategies, time of year, etc., so too should you strategize about your dating launch or re-launch. Participating in 2+ sites doubles your chance for success. Join a large community (such as Match.com or eHarmony) as well as a niche site, e.g. JDate or Ivy Date, targeted towards singles with like religions, hobbies or backgrounds.

Alternate your photos periodically and reconsider your sites if traffic starts to slow.

Pursue listings in different cities if you travel regularly and are open to distance relationships or relocation. Experiment and determine what works best for attracting digital attention.

7. SEARCH, SEARCH and SEARCH SOME MORE

Many women wait for others to reach out. Search often and contact potential partners. No, you won’t appear desperate and you’ll likely be pleasantly surprised at the number of responses you receive.

8.LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION

Be easy to find.  Explore all features of your online dating community that can push you to the top in search results e.g. Match.com’s “Top Spot” feature.

Online dating provides more opportunities to meet men than does any other venue. Don't short sell your own success.

People invest thousands in education, homes, travel, and more. Time spent optimizing your digital real estate could result in the introduction to the love of your life and years of happiness.