When you think you might be in a dead-end relationship, you don’t wonder where your relationship is going but whether “this” is all there is, and if your relationship is one you can see yourself continuing in until you grow old. But before you make any life-changing decisions, you’ll want to first take a step back to see if your relationship bears the hallmarks of a dead-end relationship or if you and your partner are just going through a phase. Here’s what you should look for.
You and your partner don’t communicate well.
It’s no secret that communication is the foundation of any healthy relationship. So, if communication with your partner is consistently strained, ineffective, or non-existent, it may indicate your relationship has met a dead end.
You and your partner can’t seem to resolve your issues.
Repeated arguments about the same conflicts that never seem to get resolved can create a toxic environment and indicate a lack of growth or progress. Like a hamster on a wheel, you and your partner are going nowhere fast.
There’s emotional distance between you and your partner.
If either you are your partner, or both of you, are emotionally withdrawn, and it’s not episodic, it may be a sign that the connection you share is weakening. It may not be something you can quantify, and you or your partner may be experts at denying it when questioned, but it’s definitely something you can feel.
Your relationship lacks intimacy.
How’s your sex life? Not so hot? A significant decrease in physical or emotional intimacy may indicate a deeper issue, not that you’ve just been busy. Intimacy is integral to a healthy relationship, and its absence or drastic reduction can signal a dead-end.
You and your partner have different goals.
If you and your partner have fundamentally different long-term goals, such as whether you want to get married, become parents, where you want to live, or what you envision your careers to be, it can signal you’ve reached a roadblock in your relationship.
One or both of you are unhappy.
If one or both of you feel unhappy (and, let’s face it, one of you feeling this way is enough), unfulfilled, or stagnant in your relationship pretty much all of the time, it’s time to evaluate whether the relationship is where you need to be in your life.
Your relationship is plagued with trust issues.
Trust is vital for any relationship to endure. If there’s a lack of trust due to past betrayals such as infidelity, dishonesty, or the telling of “white lies,” or suspicion in general, it can hinder the growth of the relationship. More than that, it can kill it.
One or both of you have stopped making an effort.
A healthy relationship requires effort from both partners. If one person is consistently putting in more than the other, it may lead to resentment and dissatisfaction. Even contempt. Speaking of which …
You and your partner feel contempt for one other.
Contempt can rear its ugly head in many ways. If one or both of you display a consistent pattern of disrespect, it can chip away at the foundation of your relationship pretty fast. Or it may already have.
One or both of you aren’t willing to do the work to improve your situation.
If you and your partner are not on board with changing yourselves (because that’s all any of us really have the power to change), are resistant to personal growth, or find yourselves unable or unwilling to adapt to new circumstances, it will stagnate your relationship.
Both of you need to commit to improving your situation before it becomes a way of life or the end of the life you share. Neither one of you can do it alone.
One or both of you feel unappreciated.
If you always feel unvalued, unappreciated, or ignored by your partner, it’s a clear sign that your relationship in its current state is not providing you with the emotional support you need. Everyone needs emotional support, and the first person you should expect it from (yes, I said expect) is your partner in love and life.
You and your partner repeatedly break up and reconcile.
If you and your partner break up and reconcile often, threaten to, or if you’re married, throw around the “D” word, you’ve got some unresolved issues that need addressing. If you can’t or are unwilling to address them (see above), it’s time to move forward independently once and for all.
Final thoughts …
Not every relationship is built to last. If you aren’t sure if yours is, enlisting the assistance of a third party, such as a relationship coach or mental health professional, can be helpful to either assist you in improving your current situation or exit it with respect and dignity. As much as dead ends can be cause for sadness, they can signal new beginnings that eventually give way to happiness.