Dating can be exciting, challenging, fun, and confusing, sometimes all at once. Whatever the emotions involved, two fundamental principles must guide every dating experience. They are consent and respect.
When working together, these two principles should form the basis of a healthy, meaningful, and fulfilling relationship for both partners. Unfortunately, the concepts are often confused and, worse still, ignored. This can range from unhappiness to a violation of the law.
Consequently, anyone who’s dating must understand what these two words mean, how they differ, and, most importantly, how they relate to one another. A more detailed discussion of these concepts and how they apply to dating and contribute to relationship success follows.
Understanding Consent
Consent describes an explicit agreement made without coercion or pressure between all parties involved. For a healthy relationship to exist, there must be consent from everyone.
When someone consents, they willingly, voluntarily, and enthusiastically (a newer concept describing the positive expression of consent) agree to engage in a specific activity, be it physical, emotional, or intimate. Consent can be verbal or non-verbal (e.g., through body language).
That said, the highest form of consent is to say yes rather than not saying no. Consent can also be legal and depend on age, which may vary from place to place, as well as on the mental competency of the person giving consent.
Not surprisingly, implicit in consent is communication, making open and honest discussions about each other’s boundaries and comfort zones critical in both giving and obtaining consent. The same applies to withdrawing consent, which can occur at any time. Listening skills are, therefore, also of paramount importance.
Respect in Dating
Respect goes hand in hand with consent and is likewise necessary to have a healthy dating dynamic. What does respect look like? Simple (or at least it should be): consideration of your partner’s feelings, needs, and boundaries. Like consent, respect is a cornerstone of any healthy, meaningful relationship.
How adept partners are at commanding respect and demonstrating respect matters. Doing both engenders trust, emotional safety, and mutual understanding between partners. Doing one or neither compromises everything.
Noticeable signs of respect include active, engaged listening, valuing your partner’s opinions, and showing empathy. Well-recognized signs of disrespect include manipulation, disregard for boundaries, and abuse (verbal, emotional, or physical).
Less obvious signs of disrespect include talking over someone, walking ahead of them, and gaslighting. Though some of these signs can be difficult to recognize in the moment or when they occur in isolation, taken together, they tell a very different story about the quality of a relationship.
Where Consent and Respect Converge in Dating
When consent and respect guide a relationship, it’s a sign that both partners are operating on the same page. More specifically, it shows they each understand what’s acceptable and what’s not for one another. The result is that they can coexist in a safe, trusting environment where they feel free to grow not just as a couple but as individuals.
While protecting the sanctity of a couple should always be a priority, it should be equally important to protect each member of a couple so they don’t lose themselves in the relationship. The presence of consent and respect helps to ensure that each person’s voice is heard and considered.
Final thoughts …
Consent and respect are not buzzwords but rather principles that should direct you in how you behave in every aspect of your dating life. Meaning, these principles should be continuously practiced and revisited.
As any relationship evolves, so, too, may the boundaries and preferences of the people involved. Therefore, periodic conversations about consent and respect can go a long way toward keeping you and your partner comfortable. And more importantly, happy and contented in a relationship that you continue to create from your shared vision.