Dating is a complex and multi-layered experience that can be exciting or challenging or both. Regardless, two fundamental principles should always guide your dating adventures. They are consent and respect.
When working together, these two principles form the foundation of a healthy, meaningful, and fulfilling relationship. Unfortunately, the concepts are often confused and, worse still, ignored. Therefore, anyone dating must understand what these two words mean, how they differ, and, most importantly, how they relate.
Understanding Consent
Consent describes an explicit agreement made without coercion or pressure between all parties involved. For any healthy relationship to exist, there must be consent from everyone.
When someone consents, they willingly, voluntarily, and enthusiastically (a newer concept describing the positive expression of consent) agree to engage in a specific activity, be it physical, emotional, or intimate. Consent can be verbal or non-verbal (such as with body language). That said, the highest form of consent is to say yes rather than not saying no. Consent can also be legal and depend on age, which may vary from place to place, and mental competency.
Based on the above definitions, implicit in consent is communication. Open and honest discussions about boundaries and comfort zones are critical in giving and obtaining consent. The same holds for withdrawing consent, which can happen at any time. Listening skills are, therefore, of paramount importance.
Respect in Dating
Respect goes hand in hand with consent and is equally essential in dating. Respect refers to consideration of your partner's feelings, needs, and boundaries. Like consent, respect is a cornerstone of a healthy, meaningful relationship.
How adept partners are at demanding as well as demonstrating respect matters in a relationship. Doing both fosters trust, emotional safety, and mutual understanding between partners. Noticeable signs of respect include active, engaged listening, valuing your partner’s opinions, and showing empathy.
There are also obvious signs of disrespect, including manipulation, disregard for boundaries, and verbal abuse. Less obvious signs of disrespect include talking over someone, walking ahead of them, and gaslighting. These signs can be more difficult to detect but, when taken together, tell a much different story about the quality of a relationship.
The Intersection of Consent and Respect in Dating
To have a healthy, fulfilling relationship, consent and respect are each necessary. When both are present, there generally exists an environment characterized by trust and mutual understanding.
As mentioned earlier, both consent and respect in dating are premised on open and honest communication between partners. Respect demands actively listening to your partner, valuing their opinions, and considering their feelings and boundaries in decision-making. Conversely, consent relies on clear and ongoing communication about desires, boundaries, and comfort levels. Together, each indicates relationship partners are on the same page regarding what’s acceptable and what’s not.
In other words, a safe and trusting environment is necessary for the intersection of consent and respect to flourish. Respect is about creating a space where your partner feels secure, valued, and free to express their boundaries without fear of blowback. An environment of trust encourages the open expression of consent and the establishment of mutually agreed-upon boundaries.
Personal boundaries are central to the intersection of consent and respect. Respect involves acknowledging and valuing your partner’s comfort zones and limits and refraining from any actions that go against their wishes. Consent involves discussing and negotiating these boundaries so both individuals feel comfortable with the activities and intimacy levels within the relationship.
Based on this interplay, intrinsic to consent and respect is the capacity to respond appropriately to your partner’s needs, boundaries, and preferences at every juncture. Your responsiveness demonstrates a genuine commitment to respecting your partner’s autonomy and choices, contributing to a healthy dating relationship, one you and your partner can both enjoy.
Final thoughts …
Consent and respect are not mere buzzwords but principles that should guide you in your dating life. Obtaining consent and demonstrating respect are ongoing acts, not one-time events. In the context of dating especially, this means that these principles should be continuously practiced and revisited.
As your relationship evolves, so may the boundaries and preferences of you and your partner. Therefore, frequent conversations about consent and respect can help keep your relationship grounded in these principles. The result should be a relationship characterized by trust, emotional safety, and mutual understanding. All of which are precursors to relationship success.