These days, it can feel weird to encounter someone without a social media profile — none, nada, zilch. But it's bound to happen if you’ve been dating long enough.
You’d be right for it to make you wonder whether this person is for real and whether you should avoid them. However, that isn’t necessary. Yet, that is. Not before you ask them the following questions.
Is there a reason why you’re not on social media?
Age can affect a person’s answer. They may not be comfortable with it if they’re “older” and didn’t grow up around social media. Not everyone is tech-savvy.
If the person is of the age where you’d expect them to have a social media profile, wait for a reason that would justify them not having one, other than they don’t like it, which, mind you, is still a valid reason.
Have you ever had a social media profile?
Sometimes, people are on social media but decide to go off it. This isn’t uncommon, even if it’s temporary. The critical piece of information you want to learn from them is why.
Are they going through a divorce, and their lawyer told them to stay off social media? Have they had a bad experience with social media in the past? Is someone monitoring them and their behavior, like an ex, so they decided to go off to protect their privacy?
Your job is to listen — with your ears and your gut.
Have I researched enough to know that they’re not on social media?
This question is not for them; it’s for you. That’s because nothing’s more important than protecting yourself, physically and emotionally.
Though an effective way to meet potential matches, online dating sites are also replete with those looking for extracurricular activities away from their partner or spouse. Lacking a social media profile or saying you aren’t on social media is one way cheaters can keep two (or more) worlds from colliding.
Because you don’t want to be involved in a “collision,” it’s best to do some digging yourself first. This is true whether you’re skeptical that what they’re saying is true or you’re downright suspicious of them. You owe it to yourself to be thorough.
A few strategic Google searches can give you all the information you need. That being said, if Google searches don’t turn up anything, there are services online you can pay for that can access what you can’t. It can be a small price to pay to protect yourself.
Is there a way I can verify who you say you are and that you’re single?
If you come up dry after you’re own investigation, but you’re not ready to send them packing and, instead, would like to date them, ask them if there’s a way they could verify who they say they are and that they’re single.
You will be able to glean a lot from their answer alone. If they react poorly, saying you should trust them, it’s a signal to part ways. Not because they’re necessarily lying (they may not be), but because they’re unwilling to do the bare minimum to make you comfortable.
If they are happy to offer you a way to verify them, proceed cautiously. Unfortunately, it’s very easy for someone to find a friend to “vouch” for them or create the image of someone who’s single but is not. Again, you must listen with your ears and gut, preferably your gut.
Do I have enough intel to make an informed decision?
Once you’ve gone through the questions above, ask yourself if you have enough intel to decide whether to move forward with this person for a date or move on from them. If you don’t feel you have enough information and aren’t comfortable, you should move on. Your health and well-being must always remain paramount, no matter how desirable someone is to you at the moment.
If you have enough positive information in your pocket to set up a date, remain cautious at all times, regardless. Remember, though, that while it’s OK to be on the lookout for red flags, you don’t want to walk around so distrustful that you’re paralyzed with fear. Trust is built in small moments over time, so take your time getting to know someone.
Final Thoughts
There are no guarantees in dating — not that someone is telling the truth now or will continue to do so if they are. But without some risk, there can be no reward, at least when it comes to love. The point is to calculate those risks first. You’re worth it. And the right person will treat you as you are.