There are different approaches to dating, some of which tend to cause more confusion than others. One of the questions often debated by singles, maybe even you, is whether to date multiple people in the early stages of dating or devote your attention to one person at a time. As a matchmaker who, after over 30 years in the business, has lived through more dating trends than I can count, dating multiple people in the early stages of dating is not only fair game, but also smart. Here’s why.
It Increases Your Odds of Finding a Match
While 42% of the U.S. population is unpartnered, amounting to millions of people to choose from theoretically, most of the people you encounter will be a “not for me.” The same goes for the people you date, who will likely feel the same way:
Not everyone will want to start a relationship with you on your timeline or at all. Fair enough. Everyone’s looking for something different. Factor in chemistry, which, when absent, can nix even the most seemingly perfect person on paper, and the pool has just gotten smaller.
However, when you talk to and date multiple people at once during the early stages of dating, you are casting a wider net than you would if you were engaging with one person at a time. Annoying, I get it. And time-consuming. But in the long run, approaching dating this way actually prevents you from wasting valuable time with the wrong people.
It Prevents You From Becoming Too Invested Too Fast
When dating, it’s tempting to try to fit a round peg in a square hole. Meaning, trying to find characteristics in the person you’re seeing that could fit your list of must-haves in order for a relationship to work for you.
If you are talking to and dating more than one person, however, it becomes a lot easier to be discerning. To say to yourself that this situation doesn’t feel right, and not become invested too fast in someone with whom a relationship, or the relationship you want, won’t be possible.
It Allows You to Make Comparisons
Unfortunately, it’s not always easy to identify right off the bat if someone has the qualities you want in a partner. But when you’re seeing several people at the outset, you are better positioned to make comparisons between them.
Is this person communicating with you regularly? Is this person treating you with respect? Is this person someone whose company you enjoy? When you have multiple people to compare, these questions become a lot easier to answer. Someone’s usually in the lead.
It Enables You to Move On Without Second-Guessing
Related to the above, if someone you’re dating is clearly in the lead for you, it makes it so much easier to say goodbye to the other people you’re talking to or dating. Mind you, there may be no one in the lead; they may all be equally incompatible.
In this case, you still have the information you need to move forward and start from scratch by talking to new people and setting up dates with them. As you repeat this process, the odds stay in your favor that you’ll come across someone you want to date on repeat and who wants to date you.
It Keeps You in the Mix
It’s safe to say that not every date will lead to a relationship. That being said, a relationship that’s going nowhere could lead to a relationship with someone else that will go somewhere. Somewhere good. Let me explain.
When you meet someone you like but with whom you are not compatible, and they feel the same about you, they may know someone to set you up with. Happens all the time, which is why it’s best to be in the mix of singles in your area. When you’re talking to multiple people, you’re in the mix.
Not to mention, you can be the one to connect people you meet on dates if they’re not your match. Sending out positive vibes into the universe is never a bad thing.
It Makes You More Desirable
Demonstrating that you are in demand and being consistently praised by those you’ve dated in the past makes you desirable. That’s just human nature.
Keep in mind, though, that you want to be desired in the right way. So, treat people well. More importantly, treat yourself well, with dignity and respect, and maintain high standards. Always.
It Keeps the Playing Field Level
Most people talk to and date multiple people at once until they commit to being not only monogamous but also in an exclusive and committed relationship with only each other. By talking to and going on dates with multiple people until both of these things happen, you are keeping the playing field level since the people you are dealing with are likely doing the same.
Don’t give anyone the girlfriend or boyfriend experience unless they’re doing the same for you. You’re worth waiting for, and the right person will wait for you.