More often than not, breakups take time to get over, even if the split was calm and without a cataclysmic event to drive it to its end. What can be disruptive, however, is the silence, you alone with your memories — and the mementos you collected with them along the way.
Relationship mementos can take many forms, including gifts, photos, and writings. What most people think of first is jewelry, that watch you got from her, that necklace you got from him. But when you scratch the surface, there really can be a lot, from favorite coffee mugs to text messages numbering in the thousands.
Following a breakup, the question of what mementos to purge can be as overwhelming as the number of mementos themselves. Here are a few ideas about how to go about it.
Give Yourself Time to Grieve the Relationship With Your Mementos Accessible to You
Going through mementos from a relationship can be part of the healing process after a breakup. Doing a quick, thorough purge would keep you from having the option to reread old conversations and relive your experiences by looking through old photos.
This is why, when the breakup is still fresh, it’s probably best to do nothing. That is, except get yourself into a place where you feel your decision-making won’t be clouded by emotions, which, following a breakup, can change from moment to moment. Also, quick decisions that are not well thought out can lead to regret later.
Create Categories to Begin Your Purge
Once you are in the right headspace to begin your purge, create categories as you would when cleaning out your closet, so you can decide what to do with your mementos. There should be four categories: Keep, Donate, Throw Away, and Not Sure Yet.
Now, obviously, with smartphones, most of your photos will likely be digital. We will get to those later. But if you were in a relationship, chances are, you had a few framed pictures around your home. You need to decide what to do with them.
Unless children are involved, it can be a good idea to clear photographs of the two of you together from your living space, so you don’t have to see your ex’s face every day as you heal. If you have children together, or your children were very close to this individual, you should be sensitive to that. Keeping photos of your ex only in their space, such as a bedroom or playroom, can be an effective way to preserve your boundaries while honoring this individual’s presence for your children.
Then think about the rest of your relationship mementos in terms of the categories above. As you handle each object, ask yourself one operative question: If I never saw this item again, would I care? If you can’t affirmatively say no, then it’s fit for the Not Sure Yet box.
Let Your Relationship Mementos Live in Their Respective Boxes Temporarily
Once you get through your purge, which may take some time depending on how many items there are, how much time you have, and how you feel, let them live in their boxes temporarily. You are doing this just in case you decide to shift around what ended up where. You are allowed to change your mind.
When you are confident in what you're donating and throwing away, go for it. Most people feel lighter after taking this step. As for what’s remaining, the maybes and what you want to keep, you need to now find a place for both to live.
Choose a Place to Store the Relationship Memorabilia You Want to Keep or Aren’t Sure About
Where you store items after your purge is important. Mementos are physical representations of memories, and you don’t want them weighing you down or keeping you rooted in the past. Therefore, they should be out of your way, yet accessible for when you want to reminisce or pare them down further.
As for digital files, photos, emails, and texts, you may want to consider removing them from your phone entirely and storing them somewhere else digitally, where they won’t be in your immediate view or pop up when you least expect. This can be a process, as our digital lives are pervasive and extend across many devices and social media platforms.
Decide What to Do About the People Who Are Also Mementos of Your Relationship
This can be a tricky one, as you probably have met people you would not have met if we were not in your relationship. Are you supposed to just delete them from your life? Again, that depends on how you feel about seeing them, whether in real life or on social media.
If you don’t care, and it has no effect on you, leave your relationship with these individuals at the level it is. If seeing them bothers you, you have two choices: either unfriend or simply unfollow.
The latter is less severe but allows you to mute them from your everyday engagement. Of course, if someone is actively bothering you by reaching out to you, or you need to draw a boundary for yourself, you can always block that person. The point is that you have options. And, like what you do with your physical mementos, you can change your mind.
Final Thoughts About What to Do with Relationship Mementos
Though you may not believe it now, there will come a time when your relationship will bring up less emotion for you, positive or negative. There may similarly come a time when you want to purge what you saved or more of what you weren’t sure whether you should keep.
But whatever you decide to do with your relationship mementos, it should always be done with your self-care in mind. There are no hard-and-fast rules, and everyone says goodbye to a relationship in their own way.
When you are ready to move on, date, and begin a relationship with someone else, those mementos may yet take on a different meaning than they ever have before. Everyone has a past, and that past is important because it shapes who you are today. Someone to love and be loved.