The Ultimate Dating Guide for Women 45+: Relationship Experts’ Top Tips for Captivating Quality Men Online

Congrats! You’ve mustered the courage to start your online dating journey. With your well-written, confident and fabulous profile -- plus 4 - 6 attractive photos -- you’re ready to roll. Maximize your chances of success with Innovative Match’s (IM) “Ultimate Dating Guide for Women 45+”! Be sure to read all of the linked articles, carefully curated by the IM Social Media team. 1. Take Control You’re 45+ and crazy busy, so mastering the online time management game is key! Take 5 minutes to read Bonny Alba’s “Making Time for Love” and map out a plan. To “outsource” some of the process, explore reputable relationship coaches or matchmaking firms such as IM.

2. Commit to the Process

Online dating is a marathon, not a sprint. Log on to your online dating accounts (recall, we recommend at least 2) several times a week to check profile views, likes, winks, evaluate matches, respond and prospect.

3. Make the First Move

Jane Austen would have contacted men, and so should you! IM, relationship experts and matchmakers agree that outreach is an essential (and empowering) tactic! Narrow your criteria to those whom you will realistically complement, but don’t be overly selective. Online dating is a numbers game; contact at least 12+ men a week in addition to responding to those who email you. Adjust your goals as you begin to date.

4. Be Compelling

Online introductions and language are as important as meeting in person. Review OK Cupid’s tutorial to capture interest and perfect your early communications etiquette.

5. Opt for Old School

Someone can articulate their personality beautifully online, but if you sense potential match magic, get to the phone. No need to chat for hours; 20 minutes can reveal hobbies, backgrounds, common interests and goals. People are often reluctant to share their number for security reasons, but modern technology offers numbers that are private or untraceable.

6. Avoid “Email-Phone Date” Quicksand Is your goal to meet “Mr. Right” or “Mr. Right Now”? Assuming it’s the former, meet ASAP. If he doesn’t beat you to the punch, one approach is to end your call with a breezy (no pressure, please), “Well, it’s been great chatting; I’ve got to call my [father, friend, sibling etc. - he/she needs some help/advice], but I’d love to make a plan to get together and continue the conversation.”  If he feels the same, he’ll respond on the spot or shortly thereafter.  If he doesn’t, it may be time to move on.

7. Google and Gut Check

Think Nancy Drew. In addition to phone speak, be an Internet detective.  Often, the info you need is just a few keystrokes away. If you're still uncomfortable with the prospect of meeting someone, don't. You have zero obligations to meet people who make you feel “iffy.”

8. Hold Fast to Power and Self-Esteem Online dating can take a toll; work to maintain your confidence and resilience. Identify those in your network who can be wingmen or supportive. Keep your sense of humor and fun in tact; smiling and laughter are great mood lifters! Finally, be mindful of your schedule and state of mind in order to avoid dating burn out.

Now that your inbox is filling up, lean back, breathe and celebrate your grand adventure. You’ll learn about yourself, encounter new people and experiences, and with time and effort, likely meet the love of your life.  

Think of us as a dating GPS and check back for more tips and directions along the way.

Happy Travels!

The 45+ Woman’s Ultimate Dating Profile Guide: How to Turbocharge Your Launch or Re-Launch

For those launching their online dating adventure or re-launching their profile, this Innovative Match (IM) guide is for YOU! 45+ online daters often proclaim:

“This isn’t working.  I’m not getting the right activity.”

“The men I contact aren’t responding!” 

or “I’m not getting emails from the right demographic.”

Think of posting your dating profile as you would listing your home. Optimize your property and its positioning to attract the maximum number of qualified parties. One of the single fastest ways to increase your dating activity is a profile re-launch following these steps:

 

1. TAKE STOCK Would you want to date yourself?  Is your profile (including photos) optimized for results? Are you on the right sites? Are your expectations realistic? Are you reaching out to new men regularly? If the answers are “Yes!” and you’ve been on a site for more than 6 months with dwindling activity, it’s time for a change. Opt for a new online dating site and/or re-launch your profile. Revamping your data can result in significantly more activity, with more suitable potential partners to boot!

2. COMPEL WITH THE COVER PHOTO

As in real estate, if people don’t stop to look at a “property,” they’ll never see the wonderful world within!  Author Malcolm Gladwell introduced the important concept of “thin slicing” in his best seller “Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking.” First impressions count far more than most realize, with decisions occurring in two seconds.

Thus, the cover photo counts. Review carefully our IM blog on first dates and impressions before photo shoots and selecting that crucial cover photo. Need help distinguishing hot from not? Show your photo options to a few trustworthy male friends.

3. REVITALIZE THE VISUALS

Sight is our most influential sense; pictures have 60,000x more impact than text. It is a widely accepted fact that men are more visual than women when it comes to initially assessing a potential partner or date. Thus, choose your photos wisely!

Four to six current photos are ideal. The first should be a glamour shot of you at your best, professionally photographed, if possible. A full body shot in special occasion attire helps a man visualize what you'd look like on a date, at a party or at a business function. A casual, fun shot and a picture of you with friends or family can show your social circle and reveal your lighter side. Activity shots (e.g. yoga, tennis, water sports) show off your fun, athletic side. Partners want to know you will have time to spend with them and that you are versatile. Show you know how to let your hair down after a long work week! Lastly, include a corporate shot if appropriate.

Finally, prepare heavily for professional shoots as well as the taking of casual shots. This effort will yield dividends. Before you begin, read Huffington Post’s compendium of profile tips and WikiHow’s “How to be More Attractive to Men.”

4. DAZZLE WITH YOUR DESCRIPTION Ask friends for ten adjectives that describe you. Two to three well-written, compelling paragraphs are best for your profile. Check out other singles’ dating profiles for inspiration.  Show your diversity and incorporate both fun and sophisticated aspects of yourself, particularly in travel and vacation sections. Balance writing about work with info about your values, hobbies, and social activities. Include what you can provide and seek in a prospective partner.

5. EXCITE and STAND OUT

Share passions to discover common ground. For example, “I’ve never golfed before, but I’m a great athlete and would love to play (particularly with a partner),” or “I’m very athletic and pick things up fast, so I want to learn to ski.” Such statements show potential partners that you are receptive to new things and will introduce them to new experiences as well.

6. CHOOSE A WINNING “LISTING” STRATEGY

Just as you would weigh all options for listing your home, e.g. which broker(s), websites, strategies, time of year, etc., so too should you strategize about your dating launch or re-launch. Participating in 2+ sites doubles your chance for success. Join a large community (such as Match.com or eHarmony) as well as a niche site, e.g. JDate or Ivy Date, targeted towards singles with like religions, hobbies or backgrounds.

Alternate your photos periodically and reconsider your sites if traffic starts to slow.

Pursue listings in different cities if you travel regularly and are open to distance relationships or relocation. Experiment and determine what works best for attracting digital attention.

7. SEARCH, SEARCH and SEARCH SOME MORE

Many women wait for others to reach out. Search often and contact potential partners. No, you won’t appear desperate and you’ll likely be pleasantly surprised at the number of responses you receive.

8.LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION

Be easy to find.  Explore all features of your online dating community that can push you to the top in search results e.g. Match.com’s “Top Spot” feature.

Online dating provides more opportunities to meet men than does any other venue. Don't short sell your own success.

People invest thousands in education, homes, travel, and more. Time spent optimizing your digital real estate could result in the introduction to the love of your life and years of happiness.

IM Recognition #4 – Why You Should Rethink Your Resistance to Online Dating

"Why You Should Rethink Your Resistance to Online Dating" receives this week's IM Recognition Award! Recommended by the Innovative Match Editorial Team, this eHarmony article wins our nod of approval for the valuable message it promotes. We hope you'll enjoy this informative read as you continue your journey on the Romance Highway.

Why You Should Rethink Your Resistance to Online Dating by Rachel Dack

The Women’s Ultimate Day to Eve Guide: Wow Your Date Every Time

Innovative Match (IM) clients are ultimate professionals – successful, driven, intelligent, and charismatic. But dating can be a second career. Below is our compendium of top tips for flowing from a high-powered workday to a relaxed and romantic evening out.

1. MENTALLY CLOCK OUT:

Schedule 30 minutes post-work and pre-date for personal time. Find a quiet space where you can wind down with calm music and deep breathing exercises. Embrace power poses from Harvard’s Amy Cuddy to boost your confidence. Envision a successful date.

2. YOU ARE NOT YOUR CAREER – DON’T WEAR IT:

20-30 minutes is all it takes to transform your appearance.  Changing out of corporate wear works wonders in switching your focus from the afternoon’s conference call to date-night anticipation. No need to rush home either! Cashmere dresses under blazers are suitable for the office yet still soft and feminine; alternately, pack an extra blouse and employ statement jewelry to glam your look. Don’t forget, a nylon run is a fashion disaster easily beat; always keep a pair of fresh sheers in your bag. Need outfit inspiration? The IM stylist team has cultivated the freshest looks on Pinterest.

3. STAND TALL:

Date night is the perfect time to flaunt your favorite heels! Huffington Post cites a study, from the journal Evolution and Human Behavior, which concludes “both males and females judged high heels to be more attractive than flat shoes.” Many women are uncomfortable in heels - wedges and platforms are glam shoes that give height but also a comfy dream evening. Check out our Pinterest for sophisticated styles from Stuart Weitzman, Cole Haan and more, as well as helpful products to keep you dancing the night away.

4. HAIR IS AN ASSET:

Embrace simple solutions such as a classic bun or experiment with quick yet beautiful styles. Extensions are a popular fix for execs crunched on time. Pieces by Ken Paves, Raquel Welch, and many other fabulous companies are worth the investment. IM clients on the go also report success with Joan Rivers’ Great Hair Day Fill In Powder for quick root touch ups. Consult a stylist for help shaping and placing extensions and to see which color, length, shape and care regimen are best for you.

 

5. SPARKLE: 

While subtle works for the office, an evening out is an opportunity to elevate your makeup.  Switch lipstick from work to play and apply it correctly. YouTube has expert tutorials on quick smoky eyes and eyebrow shaping as well as facial contouring, which can alleviate self-consciousness around fine lines or extra weight. Take advantage of Wayne Goss’ videos tailored for the 45+ set. Our stellar clients report great success with facial exercises from folks like Cynthia Rowland, creator of QVC bestseller Facial Magic. Embrace something new like false eyelashes to brighten tired eyes after back-to-back meetings. Above all, people remember a confident smile – prep lips, teeth and breath to make a great impression.

6. SCENT PLAYS A MAJOR ROLE IN THE BIOLOGY OF ATTRACTION:

A memorable scent is the way to your date’s heart and will keep you lingering in his or her mind long after you’ve parted for the evening. Samples are easily transported to work in your makeup bag. Wearing a lighter scent is appropriate for work but opt for a heavier perfume in the evening.

7. POLISH YOUR PRESENTATION:

When we look our best, we act our best. Men tune into details such as:

1. Hair

2. Lipstick

3. Accessories

4. Confidence

5. Smile

6. Energy

7. Hands

Ladies often ignore un-manicured hands even though it’s easy to travel with a polish in your purse or invest in a gel manicure that can last for weeks with the right care.

Putting your best self forward is worth the time and energy.  Look at your days ahead of you. Will you have your best date or a stressful date if you meet someone this week? Reschedule to a less hectic week if necessary.

8. COLOR COUNTS:

Wardrobe color can effect how you are perceived. Check out these must-read articles to discover what colors in your wardrobe are the most attractive.

9. WEAR YOUR BEST ATTITUDE:

When it comes to securing a second date invitation, a positive attitude is key. Nobody wants to date someone from the office according to New York Times bestselling author Rachel Greenwald. Remember who you are, what you want to portray and what you want to achieve.

A great car is made of many parts – a smooth exterior, a beautiful interior, and a reliable engine. On the Romance Highway, flaunt all of your amazing aspects to make a memorable impression and leave your date wanting more.

Innovative Match Enjoys An Elegant Evening Of Philanthropy For St. Jude

On March 15th, Cassie Zampa-Keim, Innovative Match, LLC (IM) CEO & author of “Ask Cass,” joined fellow IM supporters on the red carpet for the 5th Annual Stars & Crescent Evening for St. Jude Children's Research Hospital. A lifelong entrepreneur and philanthropist of the San Francisco Bay/Silicon Valley area, Cassie and her family have been longtime contributors to St. Jude, whose mission is to advance cures and means of prevention for pediatric catastrophic diseases through research and treatment. Consistent with the vision of founder Danny Thomas, no child is denied treatment based on race, religion or a family's ability to pay. This year’s Stars & Crescent event afforded Cassie the perfect opportunity to continue support of St. Jude and also broaden her charitable reach to the east coast, building a philanthropic partnership between IM and New York City’s brightest young philanthropists.

 

IM CEO Cassie Zampa-Keim with Stars & Crescent Co-Chair Miranda Payan and IM supporters

The Stars & Crescent Evening is hosted each year by the women of Delta Delta Delta, a body of upwardly mobile New Yorkers giving their hearts and souls to this important cause. Delta Delta Delta, whose membership includes almost 200,000 living alumnae, has had a national partnership with St. Jude since 1999, raising more than 27 million dollars. In its 5th year since inception, the Stars & Crescent Evening has become a banner event for the sorority, attracting hundreds of guests who celebrated the evening with light hors d’oeuvres, complimentary cocktails and champagne as well as a silent auction and raffle to benefit St. Jude. Cassie and her IM team joined in the festivities held at the Bowery Hotel, once located at the heart of old “Skid Row” – home of the Bowery Boys. Since its opening in spring 2007, the ultra chic venue has been attracting a host of celebrities and entertainers.

Cassie and IM sponsored a VIP services package for the highly-anticipated auction, joining the ranks of other generous donors including Katie’s Couric’s The Katie Show, Rent the Runway, Kate Spade, Vince Camuto, Exhale and more. Thanks to generous benefactors, the evening was a great success, generating over $50,000 for this important cause.

 

2014 New York City Delta Delta Delta Stars & Crescent Committee Members

Cassie commented, "It was inspiring to see such young women dedicating their efforts to the cause. I was deeply touched by their selflessness. Putting others first is not something that everyone can do, especially at an age when you may not have your own family or children. Yet these women accomplished something tremendous for St. Jude."

Cassie's passion for this special organization has deeply resonated in her life as well as in her business. Cassie was diagnosed with cancer at age 20. "We received the news in December; the doctors told my parents it would be my last Christmas if we didn't act aggressively" says Cassie.  "During my year of intensive treatment, I saw many children suffering from cancer.  It affected me deeply - some of those children made it, some did not.  I felt so grateful to be a survivor that I knew I wanted to help children with cancer.  Helping St. Jude is one way that I can make a difference."

When Cassie turned thirty, she became a monthly donor to St. Jude. “After I had my children, I asked each of my two daughters and my son to write a Christmas card every year to a cancer patient at St. Jude.”

Then when Cassie was 39, she was diagnosed with a benign brain tumor as a result of the massive amount of radiation treatment she’d received.  “I went through the gamma knife to shrink the tumor.  Unfortunately it damaged nerves in my left year, which resulted in permanent hearing loss.  When I was working with my audiologist I learned that his assistant was a patient at St. Jude when she was diagnosed with brain cancer at the age of two.  I met her when she was 26. She told me what her parents shared with her about the experience.  They remembered positivity, incredible doctors, and the amazing place that is St. Jude.  It was fate that we met.”

Such experiences continue to resonate deeply with Cassie, instilling her with a sense of personal resilience and responsibility, which spurred her to get a degree in life coaching and give back. “I am passionate about helping St. Jude in any way I can,” says Cassie who donates a portion of IM proceeds to the hospital.  “It is a driving force to build my company so that I can help children beat cancer.” IM is Cassie’s personal testament. She infuses her clients and team with the same resilient spirit seen in patients and families of families, helping people create lasting love in their lives.

 

Learn more about St. Jude at www.stjude.org or by visiting Stars & Crescent Evening for St. Jude, featuring an ongoing Gifts that Give campaign. To be involved in the 2015 Stars & Crescent event, please contact co-chair Miranda Payan at mirandapayan@gmail.com.

IM Recognition #2 - Body Language Is Still Important In Dating Over 50

"Body Language Is Still Important In Dating Over 50" receives this week's IM Recognition Award! Recommended by the Innovative Match Editorial Team, this Huffington Post article wins our nod of approval for the valuable message it promotes. We hope you'll enjoy this informative read as you continue your journey on the Romance Highway.

 

Body Language Is Still Important In Dating Over 50 by Anthonia Akitunde

The Roadmap to Resilience: Dating for Singles 45+

A positive attitude is your fuel on the Romance Highway, but do you often feel like you’re running out of gas? Don’t stall just yet! Here are expert tips for filling your tank so you don’t miss out on finding “the one.” 1. VISUALIZE YOUR DESTINATION

Just as you would plan a road trip, spend time mapping your future. Be clear on what you are looking for in a partner. Do you like to travel or go hiking on weekends?  Steer towards someone who shares your passions.  Look at where you are today, and lean towards a partner who compliments you.

2. EMBRACE EACH DETOUR

Every awkward date or heartbreak is a lesson. Of course, it isn’t easy to examine initially, but don’t let your wisdom go to waste. Emotions can be quicksand; don’t let them pull you down. Instead, date forward! Each experience is a chance to correct your path towards a greater match.

3. GRAB THE WHEEL

Be your own champion and GPS! Reaching your destination isn’t feasible from the backseat. Making progress on your own behalf breeds both confidence and change. Getting online is just an initial step. Search members, post new photos, and update your profile. The more you give, the more you shall receive.

4.TUNE YOUR ENGINE

Self-care is an extension of self-confidence.  Exercise daily to trigger happy chemicals in your brain. Use positive words in your vocabulary. Employ meditation exercises to soothe your mind. Practice power poses to optimize body language and release stress fast. Carve out personal time, just as you would an oil change, to extend your journey on the Romance Highway.

5. FUN FOLLOWS FUN When you’re in play mode, you feel carefree and confident. Everybody wants to get to know people who enjoy themselves; fun is contagious!  Plan “gal pal” junkets like weekend trips, supper clubs, new sports activities, art classes, etc. Seek out fun for yourself and a fun dating experience will soon follow.

6. EXPLORE NEW ROUTES

Maximize your dating channels: join a co-ed workout class, volunteer on a committee at your church, or go to university alumni events.  Bring work to a restaurant and challenge yourself to sit solo at the bar.  Dating is a numbers game, and sustaining an ongoing flow of new opportunities is key.

7. DITCH THE BAGGAGE

Huffington Post offers great tips on leading a focused life. Don’t let other people’s opinions or fear weigh you down. Check the rear view mirror periodically to remember what you’ve conquered, but keep your gaze on the road ahead. The lighter you travel, the more room there will be for hope, faith, and optimism.

Above all, choose to make the best of your journey. Start your drive energized, with a clear mind and a positive demeanor. Get on the road with a nice cup of coffee on a sunny day. Integrate these tools on the Romance Highway and you’ll set yourself up for a successful trip. You’ll be at your destination before you know it.

Need help navigating the Romance Highway? Contact us today to learn about our customized services and strategies for relationship success.  Our team takes great pride in the personal relationship fostered with each client and feels privileged to accompany you on your journey to lifelong happiness. We look forward to hearing from you!

IM Recognition #1 - How to Have a Year That Counts

The Ask Cass Editorial Team continually mines the web for the best content for singles over 45. Each month, we will feature two must-read articles here on our blog.  

On the Romance Highway, are you opting to accelerate confidently forward, stay in neutral, or go in reverse? To ensure that you're on track, we're awarding our first IM Recognition to "How to Have a Year That Counts," one of Harvard Business Review's top blogs of 2014. Gain fresh insight about ways to meet and exceed your 2014 goals. Think bigger, take risks, increase your resilience and power through fear in order to reach your destination with the perfect match in your passenger seat.

How to Have a Year That Counts by Umair Haque

What Everybody Over 45 Needs to Know About Finding Their Ideal Mate

Welcome to the inaugural Ask Cass blog! Innovative Match is excited to shed light on an area that is often neglected - online dating over 45. In this post, we address the top misconceptions that can derail a successful online dating experience.

Myth #1:  The guys I like are NOT on online dating sites!

Think again. 40 million people (40% of the single American population) use online dating services and that number is growing daily!  Almost 20% of people who married in the last two years reported that they met online.  But it’s not just for Generation Y. The age groups of who use online dating are changing. The over 45 set represents the fastest growing segment of this community.

Why would a successful, intelligent, motivated person use online dating?

Because they are successful, intelligent, and motivated! Online dating is the new trend and the best way to meet like-minded singles. Successful online daters are confident, goal-oriented and won't let what other people think get in their way.

There are at least a few hundred, if not thousands, of people out there who will be right for you!

Myth #2: My profile is perfect

You have one shot with the people who come across your profile online.

Either they will be amazed or they will move on to the thousands of other candidates vying for their attention. Ask yourself - are you someone whom you would want to go on a first date with?

Ask your friends to describe your best traits to aid in building the ultimate online profile.

Most importantly, being your best self online involves liking who you are today. For example, don’t put up photos from 10 years ago.

Myth #3: I'll look desperate

YOU ARE NOT DESPERATE.

Since when did being proactive become confused with being desperate?

One of the biggest challenges people face when beginning to online date is feeling uncomfortable with what others will think.

When you go out for a cocktail with a friend one evening, do you hide if someone beautiful or handsome approaching you?  Likely not. It is human nature (and very socially acceptable) to desire companionship. There is no shame in meeting people at the electronic cocktail party either.

Myth #4: I'm the CEO of [Insert Fortune 500 Company Here] and my reputation will be ruined

There are many solutions to the “professional reputation” concern:

1. Hide your profile or pictures so that only people you are interested in can see who you are

2. Use tools to verify who your matches are

3. Revisit your concern.  To maximize your potential, be visible so that you appear in searches. Recognize that attending the electronic cocktail party is not something that should be viewed as a flaw, but should be applauded and thought of as the norm.

Myth #5: I've been trying forever and have found no one

Re-evaluate how you have been "trying." Have you invested in fabulous photos that reflect your best current self?  Have you written the “Ultimate Dating profile”?

Do you scroll through profiles and never show interest? Do you ignore messages always finding something wrong with the person? Are you on websites that cater to the specific group you're interested in?

Recognize that online dating is a journey. Approach it with a positive attitude. Be open, and know that that person is out there.  Persistence is key.

Remember, it only takes one match to change your life.

Myth #6: It’s just not the right time for me to get involved

We procrastinate because we fear risk and rejection. Address procrastination head on.

It is always the right time to meet the person you might spend the rest of your life with. Make time to meet new people wherever you are in life. Saying yes is the first step to your happiness.

Don’t look at dating as a one-way street to a set destination.  View the search for love as wide freeway full of options. Online dating is just another exit, another avenue of opportunity to meet someone. You may still meet someone via a fix up or at an event.  However, when one is over 45 the dating world shrinks. Why cut yourself off from the abundance of online opportunities to not only meet romantic prospects, but also potentially new contacts, friends, and business partners?

Consider this blog to be a resource as you journey down the romance highway. We'll see you next week for the top ways to have the best attitude towards online dating!