When you’re in a relationship, sometimes you do things you would never have expected yourself to do. This includes sharing sexually explicit pictures of yourself with a partner.
You take comfort in the idea that this exchange is something you are doing together, for one another’s eyes only. Or, you reluctantly agree at your partner’s urging to take said photos, despite being uncomfortable, since “this is what couples do,” and no one but the two of you will see them.
Unfortunately, not everyone stands by their word. Relationships can sour, rendering these pictures valuable for someone intent on seeking revenge or blackmailing you.
Even if your relationship hasn’t ended, your partner can turn out to be someone far different from the person you thought they were and violate your trust. After a breakup or a fight, or because they have no integrity, they could share images of you without your knowledge with others or post them on social media with the intent of strongarming you into doing something you don’t want to do.
Regardless of the circumstances, you discover what they’ve done or intend to do and panic. What should you do next?
Gather as much information as you can
The first thing you’ll want to do, especially if the lines of communication between you and your partner/former partner are still open, is to find out what exactly they shared or posted and with whom. Sometimes the best answer is the most obvious one, meaning they might just tell you, either to rub your face in it, because they’re remorseful, or they’re now scared about what they’ve done.
Stay calm no matter what they say, and gather your facts, including the names and contact information for witnesses, as in the people who may have first alerted you that your partner shared your images. Document everything in a place where your partner doesn’t have shared access.
Contact the police and a lawyer
Contact the police to report the incident. How revenge porn will be addressed criminially is left to the states, with most states having laws on the books mentioning it. There is a commonality: In every state, it is illegal to share sexual images or video of someone under the age of 18. However, presently, no federal laws exist that address revenge porn.
Next, speak with an attorney who has experience with revenge porn cases. Depending on your case's jurisdiction and unique facts, you may have a criminal or civil case you can pursue.
Report the images if you can
This is a tricky one, since the Communications Decency Act of 1996, which regulates internet porn, states that websites and internet providers aren’t legally responsible for what their users post on their sites. Unless the images break copyright or federal criminal laws, they are not obligated to take the pictures down.
Some platforms may remove the photos if they determine that publishing them has violated their user guidelines. It doesn’t hurt to ask; it may be your most straightforward path.
Hire an expert to remove the images
There are people for hire who specialize in removing unwanted images from the internet, known as takedown or reputation repair services. While this can be effective, it isn’t easy, nor will it necessarily be 100% effective.
You can also request that the person you were involved with, who originally posted the image or images, remove what of them they can. Though this can help your objectives, it likely won’t be fully effective since the internet has a far reach and a long memory.
Call on a mental health professional for support
Knowing that intimate images of you are in the hands of those who don’t have your best interests at heart can be distressing, to say the least. And that’s if you’re lucky not to suffer further repercussions, such as job loss or having it complicate your ongoing divorce.
The mental effect, including being violated by someone you trusted, can be reason enough to call in a mental health professional. Don’t wait. You deserve to feel supported.
Think twice about sharing sensitive images
Whether you’ve shared compromising images with a partner before and would do it again, or have thought about doing it for the first time if the opportunity presented itself, consider how you would feel if the rest of the world were privy to what you shared.
Not sure? Here’s the litmus test: “How would I feel if …” Then complete the sentence with … “if my boss, mother, sister, child, or anyone I didn’t know saw them,” and act accordingly.
Though you can do damage control afterward, being your own advocate is much easier. Someone who protects their peace as if the quality of their life depends on it. Because it does.
For informational purposes only. This article does not constitute legal advice.