How to Handle Your Partner’s Jealousy in a Relationship

Jealousy in a relationship is a complex and often intense emotional response that arises for a variety of reasons. It can occur because one partner perceives a threat to the relationship, feels insecure about their partner’s attention or affection, fears losing the person they love, or suffers from an intrinsic sense of inadequacy when comparing themselves to the person they are jealous of. Jealousy can also be triggered by instances of micro-cheating, spending time with family and friends, a successful career, past experiences of betrayal, low self-esteem, and attachment style.

A small amount of jealousy in a relationship is healthy, as the non-jealous partner can take it as a sign of caring. Jealousy is a natural human emotion. It can arise in any relationship, whether you have gone on one date or been together for 60 years. It can manifest in various ways, such as suspicion, possessiveness, insecurity, and anger. However, an excessive amount of jealousy, or irrational jealousy, can be detrimental to a relationship, as it can harm the health and well-being of both partners in a relationship.

If your partner is always jealous, addressing the issues causing their behavior is critical to maintaining the health of your relationship or deciding to leave. Below are several steps you can take to address your partner’s jealousy in your relationship.

Acknowledge your partner’s feelings.

From your perspective, it might seem like your partner’s jealousy is completely unfounded and irrational because you know yourself to be trustworthy and believe there is nothing for them to worry about. However, it is important to understand that jealousy is a real emotional response. Not only that, your partner could be experiencing it for justifiable reasons, ones you might not have even recognized as triggers.

For example, your partner could be jealous because they perceive that you are attracted to one of your friends or that one of your friends is attracted to you, despite you not even noticing or their perceptions being unfounded. Your partner could be struggling with insecurity that has nothing to do with you or the way you conduct yourself in platonic relationships and more to do with them and their history. Or perhaps you have cheated or otherwise violated their boundaries in the past, and because of that, your partner has good reason to be suspicious.

Regardless of the reason underlying your partner’s jealousy, it is important that you acknowledge their feelings. They are real to them.

Engage in open and honest communication.

You can never fully understand your partner’s feelings without an open and honest conversation. While jealousy can be an awkward or difficult conversation topic, if it is creating issues in your relationship, then a conversation is necessary.

To set the stage, create a safe space for open dialogue where both partners can express their fears and insecurities without judgment. Encourage your partner to communicate their feelings with you by practicing active listening. To ensure a safe space, avoid becoming defensive or dismissive of their feelings. If you fear for your physical safety, schedule the conversation to take place in a public place.

Offer your partner reassurance and validation.

Now that you have heard and listened to your partner’s concerns, the next step is to reassure them that you deeply care about them, that their needs are important to you, and their fears are unfounded. You tell them (and mean it) that you love and are loyal and committed to them.

You let them know you appreciate that they came forward, opening their heart to you to have that difficult conversation. Finally, you emphasize the importance of trust in a healthy relationship and offer them the same.

Set healthy boundaries.

Next, you and your partner require a game plan. To that end, clearly define and communicate what the boundaries are and will continue to be in your relationship. Which behaviors are acceptable? Which ones are not? Once you reach an agreement, you and your partner should both feel safer and more secure in your relationship.

However, be careful to balance your partner’s needs with your own. For instance, if your partner is jealous of a particular friendship you have and forbids you from talking to anyone of that gender or otherwise isolates you from the rest of your friends, then communicate that such a boundary is unhealthy. Or, if your partner wants your location at all times to ensure you are not cheating and you have no history of infidelity, communicate that this type of demand violates your boundaries.

Build trust.

A common source of jealousy in a relationship is insecurity and a lack of trust. Therefore, it is important for your relationship to take measures to strengthen trust in your relationship, like demonstrating consistency, reliability, and honesty. Furthermore, take care to avoid certain activities that could make your partner jealous, such as flirting with other people, being secretive about your whereabouts, or engaging in other activities that aren’t quite cheating but could be seen as violating healthy boundaries in a relationship (i.e., sparking or continuing to engage in a deep emotionally intimate friendship with someone of the opposite gender).

Encourage personal growth and high self-esteem.

If your partner is experiencing jealousy due to their own self-esteem, as their partner, you can help them by working on their sense of self-worth. Encourage them to pursue personal interests, hobbies, and other activities to boost their confidence, such as eating well, getting enough sleep, and hitting the gym.

Urge them to have their own support system outside of your relationship. They should cultivate a network of friends so they are not entirely dependent on you for plans. When their life feels more balanced and fulfilled, they are less likely to feel jealous.

Seek professional help if needed.

If your partner’s jealousy becomes excessive, uncontrollable, or begins to harm your relationship, you might need to seek, as a couple and individually, the assistance of a mental health professional, such as a therapist or relationship coach, to help you and your partner work through the jealousy and those issues giving rise to it. A mental health professional would evaluate the relationship from an objective, third-party perspective and offer additional insight into how to manage jealousy and improve communication in your relationship.

Like handling most other issues in a relationship, managing jealousy should be a team effort. Both partners must be willing to work on themselves and the relationship. Your best bet is to address the issue of jealousy early on before it gets out of hand and goes on to cause further hardship in your relationship and harm to you individually and as a couple.

Why Did My Ex Block Me on Social Media?

When you first connect with the person you’re dating on social media, you don’t typically think about what you’ll do about your digital connections should you break up. But it can be a genuine concern if you and your partner eventually go your separate ways. More than that, you each might have different opinions on the subject of whether to disconnect with someone you’re no longer dating — right after the breakup and as time passes. 

In an effort to look cool or mature, you might decide to let your social media connections be. Or agree to stay friends and keep in touch, which would implicitly include staying connected on social media. But then, one day, lo and behold, you find yourself blocked and can’t help but wonder why. After all, you (probably) didn’t do anything to provoke them. So what gives? 

Below are possible reasons your ex suddenly blocked you on social media and maybe elsewhere, too. And what you should (or shouldn’t) do about it.

Your ex wants distance. 

Even if you’re not actively reaching out to your ex, social media algorithms can make it so that your face will regularly pop up in your ex’s feed. Even if they’re not actively seeking your profile out, their day can be derailed every time you post photos. 

Seeing what you’re up to on social media might make them uncomfortable, potentially awakening old feelings they once had. Or cause them to have the heebie-jeebies. They might have needed to take matters into their own hands by blocking you.

Your ex is trying to move on.

Even if you’re not regularly posting on social media, your ex might still be stalking your page — checking regularly to see if you’re online, who’s following you, or what else you’re up to. They might not want to know what’s happening in your life and could be struggling with the temptation to check your page and keep tabs on you. 

Eventually, they might decide that enough is enough, and it’s time for them to move on. So they block you to prevent themselves from checking up on you.

Your ex doesn’t want to see you enjoying life without them.

When going through a breakup after a relationship, some people like to think they’re so unique that it would be impossible for their former partner’s life to go on without them. However, that’s not true. The sun rises the next day after a breakup, and eventually, everyone moves on (hopefully). 

The idea is to regroup following a breakup and come to enjoy life without your ex in it, just as you did before you met them. However, your ability to move on can harm your ex’s ego. They might not wish to see you living the good life without them, so they block you.

Your ex is trying to protect themselves from your toxic behavior.

Have you been regularly contacting your ex? Whether it’s drunk texts, simple “Hey, how have you been?” texts now and then, or even shady subtweets, your cycling in and out of your ex’s digital life after a breakup could be harmful to their mental health. Because of this hot and cold behavior, your ex might find themselves struggling to move on and block you as a means of self-preservation.

Your ex thinks you’ve moved on.

Everyone knows that social media can be misleading. When online, we portray the very best version of ourselves. After a breakup, you might post that you’ve been hitting the gym, started taking pottery classes, or went on a trip to Europe, even though, in reality, you sob into your pillow every night because you miss your ex. 

Your ex, however, only sees what you post. Therefore, it might seem to your ex that you’ve moved on from the relationship, despite you missing them terribly. As a result, your ex might want to move on, too, which could start by blocking you.

Your ex has moved on.

This reason is the one that everyone pining over an ex following a breakup fears, so it’s worth discussing. Maybe your breakup was amicable, and you agreed to remain friends and keep in touch. However, as time passed, your ex’s feelings about keeping in touch changed, and they decided they wanted to break off contact completely instead, despite your previous agreement. The result is that they blocked you. 

Alternatively, after your breakup, your ex might not have gotten around to removing you from social media and recently started seeing someone new. In this case, they might want their privacy or not want to hurt your feelings, so they blocked you from their social media profiles before you could see any pictures they’ve begun posting of their new person.

In the same vein, they might have blocked your number. This way, you couldn’t text and potentially cause trouble for them in their new relationship. 

Should you contact your ex if they block you?

No. Your ex blocked you because they don’t want to hear from you, not because they do. So don’t try to get around their blocking you by reaching out through other platforms, friends, or by using a different phone number if they blocked you over text. Doing so would violate their boundaries and potentially push them further away. 

Even on the off chance they blocked you because they’re trying to use “no contact” as a way to get you back, to get a reaction out of you, or for any other manipulative reason such as purely trying to be dramatic, then the act of blocking suggests emotional immaturity. In this case, you shouldn’t want this person in your life anyway and, consequently, shouldn’t reach out. 

Final thoughts …

Rejection hurts. But as you practice self-care and respect your ex’s decision to move on, you’ll find that the pain of them blocking you should lessen over time. If it doesn’t, consider speaking with a mental health professional who can provide extra support to help get you through this difficult time. 

Until you let your ex go and stop holding space for them in your life, the only person you’ll continue to block is someone who wants to be there. Someone you probably haven’t met yet. 

Do People Who Ghost Ever Feel Guilty About Ghosting?

At one point or another, we’ve all been ghosted, as in had a person in our lives seem to vanish into thin air. Whether the culprit was the HR person at a company after three rounds of interviews, that one friend who’s impossible to tie down for plans but pops up now and again asking to get together, or the romantic interest who you were sure was “the one,” ghosting seems to have become an inevitable part of life. 

Whatever the situation, the common denominator is wondering why someone would ghost in the first place and whether we, the ghostee, did something to cause it. Delving deeper, there’s yet another layer to ghosting that victims of it often ponder: whether the person who ghosted felt guilty about it. Research says yes, but perhaps not for the reasons you might think — or hope.   

Are there guilty ghosters?

In a 2021 article, researchers Gili Freedman, Darcey N. Powell, Benjamin Le, and Kipling D. Williams extensively explored the reasons for and impacts of ghosting on ghosters and ghostees. The article revealed that many people choose to ghost because it appears to be a less confrontational approach to ending a relationship. 

Ghosters and ghostees agreed that ghosting might spare the ghostee’s feelings. However, the study also found that individuals who are ghosted often experience distress, decreased self-esteem, and feeling out of control in their relationships. Other findings suggest that ghostees might develop mistrust in future relationships due to internalizing the negative feelings that arise when one is ghosted.

Moreover, the researchers found that ghosters were likelier to express negative emotions like guilt as opposed to the hurt and sadness ghostees felt. Some ghosters felt relief depending on the kind of relationship they were in and their reasons for breaking it off. But many ghosters felt guilty for doing so, too, both at the time of ghosting and when the study was conducted (after they had ghosted the person in question). Evidently, guilt does factor into some ghosters’ reflections on ghosting.

In another 2021 study conducted by Jhanelle Oneika Thomas and Royette Tavernier Dubar, researchers found that, while guilt was fleeting for some, others felt guilt more often when they had a close relationship with the ghostee, particularly when they were required to be in close physical proximity with the person. 

However, they also found that the guilt only lasted so long for the ghosters; eventually, it was “out of sight, out of mind” for them. Bottom line: Some ghosters feel guilt about their actions, but research suggests that they typically move on from the guilt once they no longer have contact with the ghostee.

Does gender affect feelings of remorse toward ghosting?

Though safety was a major reason cited for respondents who ghosted, it was unclear the extent that gender played in influencing them to make that choice. Women tend to perceive more risk in relationships than men due to gender violence. These perceptions can affect women’s choices in dating and sexual encounters. Still, research on ghosting was not conclusive on whether gender was a determining factor for ghosting or feelings toward it.

Generally speaking, concerns about violence — including gender violence — and safety can lead people to ghost partners if they perceive them as violent or threatening. In these cases, the ghoster generally does not feel guilty and is instead interested in avoiding toxic or harmful situations. There was less guilt in these circumstances, as the ends — keeping oneself from a perceived threat — justified their means. In a nutshell, the research suggests that ghosting is more appealing when safety is at risk but that the role of gender in this preference remains unclear.

Health and seriousness of the relationship

The health and seriousness of the relationship also affected how guilty a ghoster felt after ghosting. For instance, respondents reported a general lack of interest as a significant perceived reason someone might ghost. This reaction was often within the context of casual dating or hookups. For more casual relationships, there was less concern for the ghostee. Some people had no desire to re-initiate a relationship, so ghosting was the easiest option.

For more serious relationships, ghosters felt that ghosting would not be appropriate. Researchers found that a “personal” discussion was significantly less favorable for a casual relationship than avoidance strategies like ghosting. Ghosters had no guilt over ghosting in these circumstances.

The health of the relationship was also an integral factor that influenced guilt. If a relationship was toxic, or respondents wanted to disengage from “unpleasant,” “uncomfortable,” or “unhealthy” situations, they felt their actions were justified and felt less guilty than peers who were in healthy relationships.

Mental health of the ghoster

Though disinterest is a major reported perceived reason for ghosting, other factors related to the mental health of the ghoster are also prevalent in research. One theme that emerged in research was safety concerns from the ghoster. In some cases, ghosters felt like they would be putting themselves at risk by re-engaging with a toxic relationship or person if they continued to keep contact with them. By ghosting, they were attempting to preserve their mental (and physical, in some cases) health.

Another prevalent theme was a fear of intimacy or vulnerability. Some respondents did not have the interpersonal skills necessary to set boundaries healthily or end a relationship, so they chose to ghost instead of directly communicating. For other ghosters with anxiety or other fears, this was amplified. A desire to reduce or entirely avoid conflict was a frequently reported reason.

Additionally, low self-esteem or confidence in interpersonal communication was also a reason some ghosters reported ghosting. For those ghosters, their feelings toward themselves, rather than concepts like intimacy, prevented them from discussing their relationship with the ghostee.

What can you do if you’ve been ghosted?

If you’ve been ghosted, you might feel like your future relationships are destined to end the same way. But that doesn’t have to be true. Instead of thinking of being ghosted as a sign of personal failing, think of it as a reflection on the person who ghosted you. They likely were either anxious about discussing your relationship or lacked the skills to do so. In some cases, they might have even felt like they were protecting you.

Though this doesn’t help lessen the sting of being ghosted, you can address the sensation that you’ve lost control of your dating life or have taken a hit to your self-esteem in several ways. For starters, it might be helpful to think about how your ghoster likely still experiences guilt in some capacity. Though it differs from person to person, keeping this in mind can validate your feelings that you’ve been wronged and remind you that you weren’t merely forgotten.

Healthily processing the negative emotions you experience from being ghosted is a significant first step toward healing. You can also engage in activities that boost your confidence — talk to trusted loved ones and friends, seek professional therapy, if necessary, engage in your favorite pastimes, hobbies, or activities, and continue to put yourself out there and date.

Final thoughts …

Being ghosted can be difficult, but you can overcome the challenges this jolting experience brings by considering that your ghoster probably feels (or felt) poorly about their actions. Next, remember that the myriad of reasons why someone might have ghosted you reflect more on them than you. Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, with time, space, and therapy, eventually, just like the ghoster, the hurt you experience will also likely disappear. 

Why Did My Ex Return Only to Ghost Me Again?

Ghosting, the abrupt ending of all communication without explanation, usually within the context of dating though friends can ghost, too, can have significant psychological effects. These include feelings of rejection, abandonment, and diminished self-worth. When it involves an ex returning only to disappear again, the confusion and distress intensify.

While understanding the motivations behind why an ex might return just to ghost again can help you to move forward, it likely won’t fully alleviate the pain or confusion you feel, especially when the culprit was someone you once shared a close relationship with. That said, wrapping your head around the possible reasons why they did what they did can provide a measure of closure. Here are a few explanations to consider.

Old habits (and feelings) die hard.

It’s possible your ex was drawn back to you by familiar feelings or memories but found it challenging to communicate directly about them or their intentions. Your ex might have had mixed feelings or second thoughts about the breakup, prompting them to reach out and get caught up, at least for the moment. 

They wanted to avoid or feared confrontation.

Once they reconnected with you, they might have realized they were still unsure or not ready to commit, prompting them to exit again. Some people find it difficult to have open and honest conversations about their emotions or intentions, even fear it. 

Instead of expressing their true feelings or ending the interaction transparently, they chose to disappear or ghost to avoid such confrontation. Ultimately, the choice to ghost again might have been the route of less discomfort — for them.

They were emotionally immature or unstable. 

Some people struggle with handling emotions and relationships maturely and responsibly. Their inability to effectively communicate their needs might be what led to their inconsistent behavior in the first place and eventual ghosting.

It’s also possible your ex was dealing with emotional issues or personal challenges. They might have returned seeking comfort or validation, but once they got it, found it overwhelming to maintain the connection, causing them to do an about-face.

The digital landscape made it easy for them to ghost. 

Ghosting has become prevalent in the digital dating age. According to research conducted in 2020 by Raúl Navarro, Elisa Larrañaga, Santiago Yubero, and Beatriz Víllora, between 13% and 23% of U.S. adults have been ghosted. 

In the context of your ex returning and disappearing again, the digital landscape might have made it easier for them to do both. Your ex might have decided to re-enter your virtual space following a moment of nostalgia, curiosity, loneliness, or perhaps to see if they could still have you if they wanted to. 

Unfortunately, the same digital environment that made the initial reconnection effortless, as it probably was with a DM, text, or email, likely made it equally straightforward for them to exit. Emotional distancing occurs when communication shifts from face-to-face, like during a relationship, to screen-to-screen, as it became when you weren’t in one. The watering down or depersonalization might not excuse the ghosting act, but it does provide some context for why it happens so frequently today.

They came back to play with your emotions. 

This explanation is more sinister than the others. But the truth is some individuals engage in manipulative behaviors, using intermittent contact or ghosting to gain power or control over someone else. The behavior can be a sign of an emotionally manipulative person or one who lacks empathy, which means you should celebrate the fact they have gone from your life, hopefully for good this time. 

They had already moved on with someone else. 

It’s possible your ex had already entered a new relationship or had been seeing someone they wanted to get to know better. After reconnecting with you, they might have realized they were not ready to fully let go of their new partner or confront the emotions associated with your previous relationship. Though they might have still harbored romantic feelings for you, they realized, upon interacting, that you were their past and their current partner, for whatever reason (i.e., compatibility, less intense emotions), was their future. 

Your ex might have also felt guilty about moving on. They might have reached out to you hoping to gain closure or alleviate their guilt but found it hard to manage their conflicting emotions, leading them to ghost you once again.

Final thoughts …

Ghosting is fundamentally a manifestation of some combination of poor communication skills, emotional immaturity, and internal conflict. In other words, being ghosted says more about the ghoster than the ghosted. It’s in no way a reflection of your value as a person. 

While an ex-partner returning only to ghost again is a painful experience, you can view it as an opportunity for personal growth. In the grand scheme of your relationship experiences, ghosting can be an open invitation to cultivate resilience, build better communication strategies, and establish firmer emotional boundaries. 

To that end, don’t let your being ghosted chip away at your self-esteem. Instead, learn from the experience by growing stronger in your capacity to move on quickly from what and who doesn’t serve you. Which should include the memory of someone who chose to disappear.

17 Dating Profile Phrases Demystified

Online dating has forever changed the way people find love, creating a virtual marketplace for romance. With it, though, it also brought along its own language, and sometimes decoding it can become a bit of a challenge. 

So if you’ve ever found yourself wondering, “What does this person mean?” pay attention. I have the quintessential guide to understanding what dating profiles really say.

1. “I hate filling these things out.”

This phrase might suggest a lack of enthusiasm or effort when it comes to the online dating process. While it’s perfectly understandable to find creating a dating profile tedious or daunting, expressing your disdain for it outright could indicate an overall apathetic approach toward dating, which may not align with someone seeking a serious commitment.

2. “Just ask.”

Related to the previous statement, “Just ask” can also be a harbinger of bad things to come. While this may seem like an open invitation for communication, it can also imply a lack of effort in providing initial information.

Online dating profiles serve as an opportunity to present oneself to potential matches; opting not to could suggest this person isn’t taking the process seriously, or worse, that they could be hiding something. You know, the old lying-by-omission trick. 

3. “I’m an open book.”

This phrase is a sibling of “Just ask,” given how it is suggestive of valuing honesty and transparency. In theory, they’re ready to share their thoughts, feelings, and experiences. 

But, in some cases, it can also be a defense mechanism; this person puts everything out there to avoid getting hurt later. Beware of someone who tells you too much too fast.

4. “I love to travel.”

This line is frequently seen in online dating profiles, and it can mean different things. Primarily, it suggests the person enjoys experiencing new cultures, cuisines, and landscapes. It can also imply a level of financial stability, as travel is often associated with discretionary income. All good.

However, beware of those using it merely as a buzzword; ask about their favorite destinations, past, or their bucket list to see if their claims hold water. Do keep in mind that people’s situations can change over the span of a lifetime. So if they didn’t travel a lot in the past, don’t necessarily hold that against them. Instead, ask what they have on the calendar.

5. “I’m a homebody.”

The opposite of being a travel lover is being a homebody. While this phrase can simply mean the person prefers spending time at home over going out, it might also imply a tendency to avoid activities that require spending money, such as dining out, traveling, or attending events. It can also signal social anxiety. 

6. “I love adventure.”

Those who describe themselves as adventure lovers often enjoy spontaneity and are open to new experiences. This might involve travel, outdoor activities, or just trying a new restaurant on a whim. 

Keep in mind, however, that if you’re someone who enjoys routine and predictability, you might not sync well with an “adventurer,” depending on their flavor of adventure versus yours. So what will it be, Asian-Mexican fusion for dinner tonight or bungee jumping?

7. “Work hard, play hard.”

This phrase implies a strong work ethic, but it also hints at an equally enthusiastic approach to leisure time. These people tend to value their careers but also understand the importance of downtime. So far, so good.

But, if you’re a person who likes to relax in a quieter way, this type of high-energy lifestyle might not be a perfect match for you. Better to ask how much they work in an average week and how they like to enjoy their downtime. Playing hard can mean different things to different people. 

8. “I’m just seeing what’s out there.”

This phrase often signals someone new to the online dating scene or someone who isn’t entirely sure what they’re looking for. They may be open to various types of connections — from friendship to romance — but might not have clear expectations or goals just yet. This person could be a great match if you’re similarly open-ended, but could be frustrating if you’re looking for a more definitive label.

9. “No drama.”

The phrase “No drama,” while initially appealing, can serve as a red flag. It may suggest previous tumultuous relationships, with the person now seeking more low-key interactions. 

However, it could also imply a tendency to label any emotional discourse or disagreement as “drama,” which would indicate an unwillingness or inability to partake in healthy relationship communication. In the same vein, this phrase often signifies a potential lack of emotional maturity and readiness for a healthy relationship dynamic, suggesting the person may not be equipped to handle normal conflicts and discussions in a constructive manner.

10. “Family is very important to me.”

This statement usually suggests a strong connection to family, whether parents, siblings, or even a close-knit group of friends who are like family. It could imply that they value family events, traditions, and spending quality time with loved ones. If you share these values, this could be a positive signal.

But, if you’re looking to have children, be sure not to take this phrase to mean that this person wants to start a family. Someone can be very family-oriented while entirely content without having children of their own or more children than they have currently. 

11. “I’m a foodie.”

This phrase might suggest that the person has a keen interest in food, not just as sustenance but as an experience. This can range from an enjoyment of trying exotic cuisines to an interest in cooking gourmet meals at home. 

If you enjoy culinary adventures, this could be a match made in heaven. But beware, “foodie” can also sometimes be used as a trendy buzzword without much depth. Or mean something different than it does for you.

12. “I’m not great at describing myself.”

When you come across this statement, it could mean a couple of things. The person might genuinely find it difficult to encapsulate their personality in a few sentences or be a bit on the shy side. This might require you to engage more proactively in the conversation to get to know them. 

However, it could also suggest a lack of effort or commitment to the dating process. So, again, it’s important to gauge their behavior through subsequent interactions.

13. “I’m independent.”

Independence in an online dating profile usually indicates someone who values their autonomy. They might enjoy having their own hobbies, career goals, and social circles outside of a romantic relationship. This can be a positive quality if you’re looking for a partner who respects personal space and boundaries. 

But, if you desire a relationship that involves a lot of time spent together or enmeshed lives, this person might not be the best fit. Keep in mind, though, the mark of a healthy relationship is to maintain interests and participate in activities sometimes apart from your partner.

14. “I don’t like games.”

This statement often implies a past history of being “played” or dealing with insincere people. Therefore, the person is likely looking for honesty and transparency. 

However, the phrase can also be a red flag. They may perceive any disagreement or misunderstanding as game-playing, indicating potential trust issues or a propensity for blaming others (aka gaslighting).

15. “Not looking for anything serious.” 

While this phrase can be neutral, indicating someone genuinely interested in casual dating or friendships, it can also suggest an unwillingness or an inability to commit to a relationship. If you’re searching for a long-term, committed relationship, you might want to steer clear of profiles including this phrase.

16. “I’m fluent in sarcasm.”

While humor is often a sought-after trait, a claim of fluency in sarcasm might hint at a communication style that relies heavily on it. 

Although this can be fun and playful, it might also border on being dismissive or rude when used in excess. For those who prefer direct and earnest communication, this might not be an ideal match.

17. “Don’t waste my time.”

Though it’s reasonable not to want one’s time wasted, the phrase can come off as overly aggressive or impatient. It can also suggest past experiences of feeling misled or frustrated with the dating process. Although protecting one’s time is important, the tone and wording can reflect a lack of flexibility or understanding that dating requires some patience and exploration.

Final thoughts …

Appreciating the subtleties of online dating profiles can save you time (and money) and help you avoid mismatched expectations. In this way, decoding these common phrases can lead you to a better understanding of potential matches and ultimately bring you closer to finding love. 

Though the phrases themselves aren’t unique, the people communicating them are. Meaning the road to love remains uncertain. And why when you do find love, you won’t have a doubt in your mind. 

How to Avoid a Rebound Relationship Following a Breakup

Breakups, regardless of who initiates them, are rarely easy or painless. Typically, they are emotional upheavals that rock us to our core, challenging us to reassess our identity, goals, and emotional stability. They cause us to question everything about ourselves — why we do what we do and are who we are. The process can be exhausting.

A common response to this turbulent period is to “rebound” with someone new. Unfortunately, while these rebound relationships may alleviate the pain of loss in the short term, they often sidestep healing and personal growth and only lead to more heartache. Needless to say, it is much healthier to approach the post-breakup phase with mindfulness and intentionality and avoid the pitfalls of rebound relationships altogether. 

With this in mind, here are a few strategies to navigate the challenging period following a breakup before falling into the arms of another, someone who might not be good for you, at least right now. But first, let’s discuss precisely what a rebound relationship is.

Identifying a Rebound Relationship 

Rebound relationships are defined by their timing and the emotional state of the individual entering them. They typically occur soon after a breakup and are often driven by a desire to fill an emotional void left by the now-absent partner. Rebounds can sometimes create an illusion of recovery, but more often than not, they ignore or suppress the underlying emotions, delaying the healing process.

Rebounds can also be unfair to a new partner, who unwittingly serves as an emotional Band-Aid rather than being appreciated for their unique qualities. This dynamic can lead to an unfulfilled or unstable relationship, causing emotional distress for both partners.

The Importance of Self-Care and Emotional Healing After a Breakup

Post-breakup, it’s critical to your continued health and well-being to prioritize self-care and emotional healing. This pursuit involves allowing yourself to feel and process the pain instead of rushing to numb it with a new relationship. 

Breakups signify a loss, and grief is a natural response to them, as are the stages of grief you must go through to heal. While the stages won’t always be linear, and you will likely experience temporary setbacks, acknowledging grief marks the beginning of recovery.

Engaging in activities to feed your mind and body, including eating nutritious food, engaging in regular physical exercise, meditating, creating art, reading, or spending time in nature, can all be advantageous for healing. 

Turning to trusted friends and close family, seeking professional assistance if you’re struggling, and joining support groups with people going through a similar experience can further aid your recovery following a breakup. But, by far, the most practical action you can take is to give yourself permission to heal and the time you need to do so. Remember, it’s OK not to be OK.

Fostering Personal Growth to Heal From a Breakup

As painful as it might be, a breakup can be an exciting opportunity for personal growth. More specifically, a breakup allows you to reassess your life goals, values, and relationship expectations as you move forward in love and life. A great exercise is to reflect on the relationship that ended. Ask yourself: 

• What worked in your relationship? 

• What didn’t work?

• What role did you play in the breakup? 

• What lessons can you learn from it? 

Be sure to answer honestly, understanding that the truth can sometimes hurt. Such introspection can inform your future relationships, enabling you to forge healthier and more fulfilling connections. 

Similarly, investing time in personal development can boost your self-esteem and independence, which are often impacted negatively by a breakup. To that end, make a concerted effort to pursue interests you might have put on the back burner, learn new skills, or delve into self-improvement books or courses. 

Moreover, focusing on personal growth will increase your chances of attracting a compatible partner once you’re ready. Strong, emotionally well people are attracted to other strong, emotionally well people. Speaking of which …

Recognizing Readiness for a New Relationship

Before entering a new relationship, it’s crucial to recognize your readiness for it. Being ready is not about reaching a specific point on a timeline but about your emotional state. So ask yourself: 

• Am I using this relationship to avoid loneliness?

• Am I seeking validation of my self-worth?

• Do I have unresolved feelings for my ex?

• Can I value this person for who they are, not as a replacement for my ex?

You will know when you’re genuinely ready because you will be happy with yourself, have moved on from your last relationship, and are making new connections for the right reasons. Relationship readiness means you’re open to love but are also OK with being alone. In other words, you can be alone without feeling lonely.

Final thoughts …

The time after a breakup should never be about hastily moving on but making mindful progress to be ready when you do move on. Doing so requires honoring your unique healing process and timeline because everyone is different. 

Start today by cultivating a strong bond with yourself, remembering that this relationship will ultimately be the foundation for your future relationships. And that it’s often our most challenging experiences which lead to our most profound personal growth.

My Partner/Spouse’s Adult Child Wants to Stay With Us for An Extended Period. Can I Object?

As our families grow and change over time, it’s natural for conflicts to occur. One such conflict that many blended families face is the adult child of a partner or spouse wanting to move in for an extended period. It can be a sensitive subject and one to broach carefully.  

But first, let’s address the elephant in the room, which is: Can you object? The short answer is yes.  

You have a right to express your feelings and concerns about your living situation, especially when it involves your home. This applies whether you own or rent your home independently, your partner owns or rents it, or you own or rent it together.  

That said, how you approach this conversation is critical in ensuring a positive outcome for everyone involved. Here are a few ideas to get you started. 

Evaluate your concerns. 

Before broaching the subject with your partner or spouse, take some time to evaluate your concerns and pinpoint precisely what is bothering you. For example, are you worried about losing your privacy? Are you concerned about the financial impact? Is there a history of conflict with the adult child? Knowing the specifics of your concerns will better help you communicate with your partner. 

Choose the right time and setting to have this discussion. 

When discussing sensitive topics, your environment can substantially affect how the conversation goes. Choose a time and place to have an uninterrupted conversation, free from distractions. Pick a public place if you are more comfortable or worried about your safety.  

Use “I,” not “you” statements. 

When discussing your concerns, frame them as your feelings rather than accusations or criticisms. For example, instead of saying, “You always prioritize your child over me,” say, “I feel like my needs aren’t being considered when it comes to this decision.” Using “I” statements can help prevent your partner from becoming defensive and encourages a more productive conversation. 

Be open to compromise (unless this is a dealbreaker for you). 

As you discuss the situation, be open to finding a compromise that works for everyone. It might mean setting specific boundaries or expectations for the adult child or agreeing on a time limit for their stay. By demonstrating a willingness to work together, you show your partner that your concerns are not an ultimatum but rather a desire to find a solution that satisfies everyone. 

If it’s a dealbreaker for your partner or spouse’s adult child to stay under the same roof as you, explain why that is. Then, regardless of how justified you might be feeling the way you do, prepare yourself for them to let you “break the deal,” meaning let you end your relationship over this issue without a fight or for them to do it for you.  

Seek professional guidance if necessary. 

Should the conversation becomes contentious, or you’re unable to reach an agreement, it might be worthwhile to seek the assistance of a family therapist, marriage counselor, or a family law attorney and mediator. A neutral third party can facilitate communication, mediate disagreements, and provide guidance on how best to work through the situation to support the needs and feelings of all parties involved. 

It can also be helpful to consider that your partner’s adult child is a person with feelings and needs, too. More specifically, they may face challenges like job loss, divorce, or mental health struggles. It’s, therefore, important to approach the situation with empathy and understanding and, if you’re willing, to consider their perspective. With this goal in mind, here are a few additional tips for dealing with the adult child directly. 

Include your partner’s adult child in the conversation. 

If you and your partner or spouse are both willing, include the adult child in some of your discussions about their stay. It can help them feel heard and respected. It can also provide you valuable insight into their perspective and needs. 

Set clear expectations. 

Should you decide to allow an extended stay, establish clear expectations for the adult child during their visit to prevent misunderstandings or conflicts. That might include the assignment of household chores, financial contributions, or rules about guests and privacy. Having these expectations in place from the beginning can prevent resentment or frustration from building up. 

Offer support. 

If the adult child has been struggling, offering support and encouragement where appropriate can put everyone at ease. Demonstrating care and concern can go a long way toward building a positive relationship and fostering a harmonious living situation. 

Support can also come in the form of helping them search for an alternative living arrangement or job opportunities, connecting them with resources, or being an empathetic ear and sounding board.  

Maintain open communication. 

Encourage open communication among all parties involved throughout the adult child’s stay. Doing so can help address any issues that come up and prevent them from escalating. Regular check-ins or family meetings can be another practical way to ensure everyone feels heard and valued. 

Prioritize your relationship with your partner. 

It’s nice to be supportive of an adult child. However, it’s also crucial to prioritize your relationship with your partner. To that end, set aside time for each other and maintain your connection, even if it means scheduling regular date nights or simply spending quality time together. 

Communicate often with your partner about the existing living situation, and address matters as a couple as soon as possible. Leave passive-aggressive behavior at the door, as it can only heighten tensions in your living environment and compromise your relationship’s health. 

Final thoughts … 

While it’s entirely understandable to have concerns about an adult child staying with you and your partner for an extended period, handling the situation with sensitivity and empathy and engaging in open communication can prevent a problem from spiraling out of control. It can also strengthen your relationship by allowing you to work through a challenge together.  

By considering the needs and feelings of all parties involved and seeking compromise where possible, you can get through this latest challenge while maintaining a loving and supportive home environment. Remember, your home should be a sanctuary for everyone you welcome to reside there. So make sure you’re up to being a good host. 

What Is Anxious Attachment in a Relationship, and How Can You Overcome It?

People with anxious attachment styles in relationships often find themselves feeling like they need to impress their partners, continually struggle with jealousy, or have been told by their partners that they’re clingy. They may also have low self-esteem and not know how to prioritize their needs and desires. 

Validation is very important to those with anxious attachment. If they don’t receive it, they feel unimportant in their partner’s eyes. It should, therefore, come as no surprise that anxious attachment can be a hindrance in relationships because there does not exist an equal balance of power, and the person struggling with anxiety may struggle to feel emotionally safe in the relationship.

The good news is, if you’re suffering from anxious attachment, there’s hope for overcoming it. But first, it’s necessary to understand what anxious attachment is.

What is anxious attachment?

Anxious attachment is one of the four attachment styles that describe how you relate to a partner in your adult relationships. According to attachment theory, your adult attachment style is rooted in how well you were able to rely on your parents to fulfill your needs. 

If you were unable to rely on your parents as caregivers, you likely developed an insecure attachment (avoidant, anxious, and disorganized), whereas if you could consistently rely on your parents, you likely developed a secure attachment. 

What are the traits of anxious attachment?

The feeling of unworthiness common in those with an anxious attachment style can result from a fear of being abandoned or rejected. If you have an anxious attachment style, it’s what causes you to feel rejected by your partner whenever they don’t reassure you. Low self-esteem can also stem from anxious attachment, as well as having the sense that your reason for existing is to please others, aka you’re a people pleaser. 

Sometimes anxious attachment expresses itself in the need to become essential to your partner’s well-being so that they never leave you and that you truly feel depended on by them. However, if you are always jumping through hoops to make your partner happy but never feel completely secure in your relationship, then you probably have an anxious attachment style. 

What causes anxious attachment?

It’s important to understand what causes your attachment style if you’re interested in finding ways of overcoming it. Anxious attachment often comes from the most prominent figures in your childhood. It’s also common for parents to pass down their own attachment styles to their children. 

Your parent may have, for example, experienced treatment as a child that somehow caused them to become overbearing to you in an attempt not to behave like their parents. Or, as a young child, you felt your parent expressed love, only then to take it away. Such behavior can leave children feeling perpetually confused and unable to rely on the people around them, which can, in turn, carry over into their adult relationships. 

How can you change your ways?

One of the first steps you can take to change how you feel in relationships is to heal your inner child. This can be an effective method for treating anxious attachment because it’s often not your rational adult self that’s reacting negatively in relationships but the perceptions you established as a child. 

The way you can heal your inner child is to create consistency for yourself by connecting what you say and do, as well as exercising self-care. This will help you resist the urge to be a people-pleaser. Your self-esteem should steadily increase as you come to understand and appreciate your own value.

Each of these changes in behavior can benefit your relationships because putting your needs on an equal plane with your partner’s needs helps to create a healthy balance of power and respect. Constantly seeking validation from your partner gives them all the power. However, healing your inner child will help you see how important you and your needs are.

Another coping mechanism for anxious attachment is learning how to self-soothe. Having the ability to regulate your emotions will further help your self-esteem by demonstrating to yourself and others that you are capable of taking care of yourself. It can also create the clear-headedness you need to make rational decisions. This can be particularly useful when you’re feeling jealous, a pattern of behavior that most likely predates your current situation and is a symptom of your anxious attachment. 

If you can self-soothe, then you can help yourself view a situation with a rational mind. Being able to step away from your initial reactions to situations and see why you’ve been triggered to act in certain ways will give you the ability to move past your anxious attachment and eventually into a secure relationship.

Final thoughts …

While it may feel like your anxious attachment is permanent, that need not be the case. Understanding your anxious attachment style can be beneficial to you and your current partner or one to come. If you understand your triggers and the way your anxious attachment manifests itself, you will be that much closer to healing your inner child and becoming capable of exhibiting a secure attachment style. 

Overall, the most important ways to go from anxious attachment to secure attachment are through effort and consistency, both of which can be facilitated with the right kind of professional support. A mental health professional who specializes in attachment theory can help you create new behaviors rooted in self-esteem, thereby making you feel less jealous in your current relationship or a new one. And allow you to enjoy all the happiness a healthy relationship can bring.

What If My Partner’s Adult Children Don’t Like Me?

If you’ve found yourself asking, “What if my partner’s adult children don’t like me?” you are not alone. Many people in blended family situations, even in the early stages of dating, experience similar concerns.  

Such fears, oftentimes warranted, can stem from various factors. These include past experiences and trauma, unresolved emotions that can spill over to other areas of life, or simple misunderstandings.  

Though your situation might appear futile at the moment, there are steps you can take to help facilitate a relationship with your partner’s children, even if they are at first resistant. Read on.   

Reflect on their perspective. 

Consider the adult children’s feelings and circumstances. For example, they may have legitimate concerns about their parent’s happiness, loyalty, or the potential for change in their family dynamic. You can better address the situation by empathizing with their feelings and seeing their concerns for what they are. 

Take, for example, a child who has lost a parent, whether recently or years earlier. They might have trepidation about a new person entering the mix, potentially taking attention away from themselves or their ability to exert control. Though unpleasant to think or talk about, sometimes fears about a parent’s new love interest can stem from financial worries, including what will happen to inheritance. 

Whatever their reason for being cautious or resistant to change, it’s important to remember that the adult child’s feelings are legitimate because that is their reality. No one can tell anyone else how to feel. Not to mention, you know who you are, but they don’t.  

Set boundaries. 

As you would in any other relationship, establish healthy boundaries between yourself and your partner’s adult children. Dong so will involve respecting their space and time with their parent while asserting your needs and expectations in the relationship.  

Those needs and expectations might be that you are present at large family gatherings, such as weddings, funerals, and religious celebrations, but not at every outing or meal they share with their parent. Your requirements should also include them showing you respect, which means not going out of their way to be mean to you, turning other family members and friends against you, and deliberately trying to make you feel unwelcome and uncomfortable when you are together.  

Communicate openly and honestly.  

Enforcing your boundaries in a firm but polite way will require expressing yourself to your partner’s adult children and your partner openly and honestly. To that end, listen to your partner’s adult children’s concerns and respond respectfully, even if they are not as respectful as you had hoped.  

Keeping discussions civil will prevent fanning the fire. It will also help you to gain your partner’s support while you are in the presence of their adult children and when you are not. A supportive partner will do their best to keep the peace, ensuring everyone involved feels like they are being heard and having their needs met — as much as is reasonable and realistically possible.  

Maintain your relationship with your partner. 

Ensure that your relationship with your partner remains solid and loving, as a stable foundation is crucial when dealing with blended family challenges. In other words, if your relationship means something to you, and your partner has demonstrated it means something to them, don’t let their adult children chase you away. 

Good relationships are valuable but don’t exist in a bubble, especially later in life when you’ve lived many lives already. The past can sometimes make the present messy, at least for a while. So you must decide what’s worth fighting for and what (or who) is not.   

Be patient.  

Building trust and rapport with your partner’s adult children can take a long time. In the meantime, do your best to be patient and allow them to get to know you without forcing the fun. No one wants to be told what to do or how to feel.  

Focus on common interests. 

Try making small suggestions first about ways you can get to know each other better, such as meeting for breakfast or coffee with or without your partner present. In addition, look for shared hobbies or activities you can enjoy together to build connections and foster positive experiences. 

Take your cues from your partner’s adult children as they come. Rest assured, you will know how they feel and whether or not they are warming up to you.   

Seek professional help.  

If tensions remain unresolved and you are feeling upset or unnerved, consider seeking the guidance of a family therapist or counselor to assist you in navigating the situation and provide constructive strategies. Regardless of whether your partner’s children want to partake in therapy with you, going on your own and possibly with your partner can help you sort through the emotions you are experiencing and how the ongoing situation impacts your relationship.  

Accept the situation for what it is.  

Understand that you may never share the relationship you envision with your partner’s adult children. Managing a relationship with a partner’s adult children differs from managing a relationship with younger ones; adult children can be more set in their ways and unwavering no matter how much effort you put into changing their minds about you.  

Not surprisingly, the more you push for a relationship, the more likely you will drive your partner’s adult children away, alienating them further. You also risk alienating your partner, especially if you let your relationship with your partner’s adult children or lack thereof consume you.  

Final thoughts … 

 Don’t let the fear of not being liked by your partner’s adult children hold you back from pursuing and enjoying a fulfilling and lasting relationship with someone you care about and who cares about you. Instead, create harmony in your new family dynamic by fostering a loving environment where everyone feels respected and valued, beginning by taking care of yourself. 

My Partner and I Are Both Wealthy. Who Should Pick Up the Tab on Dates and Vacations?

Navigating financial matters in a relationship is always a delicate subject. However, it can become particularly complex and sensitive when both partners are financially well-off. 

On the surface, one might assume that having substantial financial resources would simplify matters, making it easier for couples to manage expenses and plan for the future. However, the reality is that money can bring its own set of challenges and complications, particularly when it comes to establishing a fair and comfortable financial dynamic within a blossoming relationship.

When both partners are wealthy, issues such as power dynamics, independence, and differing attitudes toward money can come to the forefront, potentially creating tension and discord. Furthermore, societal norms and expectations around who should pay for what, particularly dates and vacations, can exacerbate these challenges, leading to confusion and even resentment. 

Couples in this situation should, therefore, approach financial matters with a heightened sense of awareness and empathy so their decisions and arrangements are based on mutual respect, understanding, and a genuine desire to foster harmony and partnership. With this goal in mind, here are some practical approaches to handling finances in a relationship where both partners are wealthy to ensure that each person is comfortable and happy and feels like they are being treated fairly.

Talk with your partner about who will pay for what and when.

You have heard me say it before, but it bears repeating: The foundation of any strong relationship is open and honest communication. To make sure you and your partner are on solid ground, discuss your financial expectations and preferences with your partner from the beginning. 

By having a conversation about your finances and accordant expectations, you can reach a mutual understanding and establish a financial arrangement that suits both of you. Remember, you and your partner may each have different experiences and beliefs when it comes to money, so being open to other perspectives will help you find common ground.

Alternate paying.

A simple and fair method of handling expenses is to take turns paying for dates or vacations. This approach not only ensures that both parties contribute equally but also adds a fun element of surprise to the outings. 

For example, you can decide that on one occasion, you will cover the cost, while your partner will take care of the next one. This can help avoid any feelings of imbalance or resentment that could arise from one person always footing the bill.

Split the bill.

Another practical approach is to split the expenses evenly. This can be particularly helpful in situations where one partner may feel uncomfortable having the other pay for everything. 

By splitting the bill, you ensure that both parties contribute to the cost of the date or vacation, fostering a sense of equality and partnership. To make this process even easier, you can use various apps that allow you to split the bill evenly or customize the split according to your preferences.

Contribute proportionally.

If both you and your partner prefer a more nuanced approach, consider contributing to expenses proportionally based on your overall net worth or individual income, even if both are high by most standards. You can incorporate any details you want into the calculation, such as travel expenses if you are involved in a long-distance relationship and one person travels to the other more often.

Doing so can help strike a balance between equality and fairness. For instance, if you earn twice as much as your partner, you could contribute two-thirds of the cost, while your partner would cover the remaining one-third. This approach acknowledges the different financial situations of each partner while still maintaining a sense of teamwork and partnership.

Establish a joint account.

If you are further along in a committed relationship, setting up a joint account specifically for dates and vacations can be yet another practical solution. You and your partner can contribute a pre-determined amount to a designated account regularly, and all related expenses can be paid from it. 

This approach not only simplifies the payment process but also helps you budget and plan for upcoming activities. Additionally, it can serve as a starting point for discussing other financial matters, such as saving for a larger-scale shared goal, including the purchase of a home, or managing household expenses should you one day decide to live together.

Consider each other’s preferences.

Keep in mind that individual preferences based on cultural norms, values, and past experiences can vary greatly. While one partner may enjoy picking up the tab as a gesture of love or care, the other may prefer to contribute equally. 

Regardless of the motivation, it is important to be sensitive to your partner’s preferences and find a solution that works best for both of you. If, for example, your partner enjoys treating you occasionally, you can express your gratitude and reciprocate with a thoughtful gesture, such as planning a special date, preparing a meal, or, if you live together, taking care of a household chore they dislike.

Revisit your financial arrangement periodically.

As your relationship grows and evolves, so, too, should your financial arrangements. To that end, periodically revisit the topic to ensure that you and your partner are comfortable with the existing arrangement and determine if you need to make any adjustments. 

In your evaluation, consider factors such as changes in income, upcoming financial goals, or even the overall dynamic of your relationship as time has gone on to gauge how you should continue handling shared expenses. Regularly checking in with each other can help maintain harmony and prevent potential misunderstandings or conflicts from arising.

Final thoughts …

When it comes to deciding who should pick up the tab on dates and vacations, there is no one-size-fits-all solution. The key is to maintain open communication, be sensitive to each other’s preferences, and find an arrangement that fosters a sense of equality and partnership. In this way, you can ensure that your relationship remains strong and harmonious, even when it comes to potentially tricky financial matters.

The most important aspect of a healthy relationship is the connection that exists between two partners. While financial considerations are part of the deal, they should not overshadow the love, trust, and support that form the foundation of your partnership. Ultimately, the goal is to find a balance that allows both you and your partner to feel respected, valued, and cherished. 

So whether that involves alternating who pays, splitting the bill, contributing proportionally, or using a joint account to cover dates and vacations, your most important priority should be that you and your partner are on the same page and feel content with the arrangement. Openness, flexibility, and empathy are each necessary ingredients for navigating financial matters, and by incorporating these qualities into your approach, you can create a financial dynamic that supports and enhances your relationship, which is priceless.

My Fiancé Doesn’t Want to Sign a Prenup. What Should I Do?

It is not uncommon for people planning a wedding to find themselves in a situation where their fiancé is resistant to signing a prenuptial agreement. The mere mention of the word “prenup” can bring about strong emotions and disagreements between couples, as prenups tend to evoke feelings of mistrust and vulnerability.  

However, prenuptial agreements can also provide a sense of financial security and a well-defined plan for the future in the event of a divorce. The decision to sign or not sign a prenup is deeply personal and can be influenced by a variety of factors, including cultural beliefs, family expectations, and individual financial circumstances. 

When faced with a fiancé who doesn’t want to sign a prenup, it is, therefore, important to approach the conversation with sensitivity and empathy. If you are currently facing this situation, consider the following five approaches to navigate this delicate topic, ensuring both you and your partner are comfortable and well-prepared for a long-lasting future together. 

Understand the reasons behind your fiancé’s hesitation. 

Before delving into any potentially inflammatory discussions, understanding why your fiancé is hesitant to sign a prenuptial agreement is helpful. For some, the idea of a prenup may be perceived as a statement about their lack of trust or love. For others, it may be a source of anxiety or confusion due to a lack of legal knowledge.  

Hearing your fiancé’s reasons will help you address their concerns and find the best solution for both of you. By engaging in open and honest conversations with your partner about their fears and concerns, you can assure them that your intentions are not driven by a lack of trust or love but, rather, by a desire to protect your interests individually and as a couple.  

Educate and inform your fiancé about prenups. 

Misconceptions and a lack of understanding about prenuptial agreements often contribute to negative perceptions. It is, therefore, crucial that both you and your fiancé are well-informed about the purpose, benefits, and limitations of a prenup. 

To that end, research and gather information from reliable sources such as legal professionals in your state, books on the subject, or online resources created by those well-versed in prenups. Share this information with your fiancé and discuss its relevance to your specific circumstances.  

Seek professional guidance to create your prenup. 

Navigating the world of prenups can be complex, and professional guidance from an experienced attorney who can provide unbiased advice and facilitate productive discussions can be invaluable in helping you and your partner reach a mutually beneficial agreement. To ensure your partner has a comprehensive understanding of the process, encourage them to seek their own legal counsel. 

Family law attorneys who are skilled in drafting prenuptial agreements and the addition of a mediator, if desired, can help guide you and your fiancé through the prenuptial agreement process with ease. They can provide expert advice, mediate any disagreements, and ensure the final agreement is legally sound.  

If you would like to enlist the services of a document preparation service, HelloPrenup can also be a valuable resource. However, you and your partner still always have the option to bring your completed document to your family law attorneys in your state for further review. 

Highlight the benefits of prenups. 

Prenuptial agreements may seem intimidating, but they offer various benefits that can contribute to a strong, healthy marriage. By highlighting these advantages, you can help your fiancé view a prenup as a positive, rather than a negative, element of your relationship. 

For example, prenups function to protect individual assets, simplifying the divorce process should you ever need a divorce. A prenup also provides clarity regarding financial expectations, serving as a tool to encourage open communication and transparency about finances, now and in the future. 

With difficult conversations about sensitive topics out of the way and addressed legally with a plan of action if necessary (such as how to pay off pre-marital debt), you and your future spouse will have the freedom and confidence to focus on your love for each other and building your new life together. In this way, getting a prenup demonstrates how seriously you take your commitment — you don’t want anything getting in the way of it. 

Collaborate and customize your prenup. 

A prenuptial agreement should be a reflection of your unique relationship, and your fiancé should feel like an equal partner in its creation. Collaborating on the terms and conditions of the agreement will help both parties feel heard and understood. 

With this goal in mind, work together with your fiancé and independent legal counsel (again, you should have your own lawyers) to develop a prenuptial agreement that is fair and customized to your specific circumstances. Be willing to compromise and adapt the agreement to address any concerns or objections raised by your fiancé. 

Final thoughts … 

The prospect of discussing a prenuptial agreement with your fiancé may be daunting, but it is an essential step in building a strong marriage, even if one or both of you are not affluent. By understanding your partner’s concerns, educating them and yourself about the process, highlighting the benefits of prenups, collaborating on a customized agreement, and seeking professional guidance, you can navigate this sensitive topic with grace and confidence.  

Ultimately, a well-constructed prenuptial agreement can provide peace of mind and security for you and your fiancé, setting the foundation for a successful, lifelong partnership. Remember that open communication, empathy, and understanding are key to fostering a strong, healthy relationship, which, if you are engaged now, hopefully, you already know.  

So trust that you and your fiancé, working together, can overcome any challenges you meet, including the fear that can arise when contemplating a prenup. And go on to build a future that reflects your shared values, goals, mutual respect, and, most importantly, love.  

Have You Been Taking Your Partner for Granted? 19 Ways to Show Appreciation

In her book, “Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead,” Brené Brown defines connections as “the energy that is created between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment.” In other words, when they feel appreciated. It stands to reason then that those who show their partners appreciation will create the strongest connection with them. 

The ironic part is that it’s so easy over time to take the people who show us the most care and love for granted. If you’re feeling as though you may be one of these people, here’s a quick refresher about how to show your partner appreciation and connect more deeply in your relationship.

1. Start today by telling them.

Even if you’ve been remiss in the past about letting your partner know how much you appreciate them, there’s no better day than today to make a change in your behavior. A few simple words such as. “I wanted to take a moment to tell you how much I appreciate all that you do for me” can be enough to get you started. Even if your partner is incredulous that you’re saying these words, you’ve set the stage for a positive change in your relationship to occur.

2. Write it to them in a card, note, or letter.

Not comfortable with speaking your mind out loud or want to add more diversity to your gratitude routine, try writing your thoughts down. Whether you give a greeting card that expresses your feelings or a card you write yourself, a longer letter that expresses your sentiments in detail, or a sticky note you leave on the milk in the fridge to let your partner know you’ll miss them while you’re out, each expression can bring you closer. You don’t need to be a published author to say, “Miss you,” “I love you,” or “Thank you for being you,” to warm your partner’s heart.

3. Speak in your partner’s love language.

Gary Chapmen’s book, “The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts,” has been an international bestseller for a reason: It gets to the heart of how to establish a deeper connection with your partner. Outlining the five different types of love languages people respond to (and there can be more than one per person), the premise of the book lies in finding your partner’s and communicating with them using theirs. Doing so, Chapman posits, will help you connect more easily and, as a result, deeply.

4. Give them your undivided attention.

We’re more distracted than ever and, as a result, it’s easy to allow our attnetion to be swayed by even the slightest interruption. Correcting this behavior is simple: It involves self-awareness and a commitment to making your partner a priority when you’re speaking to one another and spending time together. The ability to listen is one of the most important skills you can have and hone in a relationship. 

5. Remember things that are important to them (important dates in their life, details they communicate, their likes and dislikes, etc.).

Their birthday, your anniversary, their favorite ice cream flavor. The more details you can recall about your partner’s life from what they’ve told you over the time you were together, the better you will demonstrate to them you that you’re listening and that you care about what they have to say and who they are as a person. 

6. Give them a break.

If your partner does a lot for you, the people around you, and just in general, find a way to give them a break. And don’t wait until they’re about ready to collapse. Do it before they get to that point. 

From facilitating a few hours for them to be on their own or to do something they enjoy, such as see friends or engage in a favorite pastime, to planning a vacation for them alone or with just you, your actions can demonstrate to your partner that you see them and how hard they work. Everyone needs time to recharge, including your partner, even if they never complain or ask for anything from anyone around them.   

7. Cook them a meal.

Food is love. It’s what nourishes and sustains us. So what better way is there to show your partner how much you cherish them than by preparing a meal for them to enjoy? Don’t worry if you’re not a cook. Making eggs and toast isn’t all that complicated. 

Still find the prospect daunting? Order in and serve your partner so they can sit back and relax. Pro tip: Don’t forget to clean up so they don’t have to.

8. Take your partner out on a date, even if you’re married.

Date night works whether you’re in a newer relationship or married for 50 years. Spending time together doing something you enjoy — sharing a meal, seeing a show, or taking a scenic drive — are each perfect ways, among others, to reconnect and focus on each other in a pleasant atmosphere. 

If you’re not comfortable picking the activity without your partner’s input, ask them what they would like to do. But once you know, take the lead and do the planning so they can enjoy without pressure.  

9. Compliment them to others in public and in private, even when they’re not present.

When you speak highly of your partner, others will likely think of them the same way. Also, they may get to learn favorable qualities about your partner they wouldn’t have ordinarily known, endearing your partner to them further. 

The flip side is that if you undermine your partner publicly, whether your partner is present or not, you effectively give license to others, at a minimum, to think poorly of your partner, communicate what they’ve heard from you to others, or undermine your partner to their face, like you have. None of these scenarios make them or you look good. Don’t do it. 

10. Encourage others around them (children, grandchildren) to show their appreciation.

Gratitude can be contagious. So if you’re feeling grateful to your partner for all they do and who they are, and you know how much they do for others and mean to them (think children and grandchildren especially), encourage those individuals to get on the appreciation bandwagon. An added benefit? Expressing how much someone means to you makes YOU feel good as well.

11. Shout it from the mountaintops (or on social media). 

Really appreciate your partner? Shout it from the mountaintops (if you’re on a mountain, that is), or use a public forum to do so. Social media is effective in this regard, and it can be exhilarating for your partner to see you aren’t shy about how you feel about them. Plus, you give others an opportunity to confirm on social media what you already think and know with a like, love, or comment. 

12. Pay attention to the little things they do, and give them recognition for them.

Does your partner perform some of the small gestures described in this article, or do others that you, in hindsight, have overlooked? Start paying attention to those little things and call them out because little things not only add up, they make a difference in your life. Don’t let them or your partner go unnoticed. 

13. Behave in a grateful manner every day (say please and thank you often).

A great way to show you’re paying attention to the little things your partner does is to say please and thank you often. It gives your partner instant gratification, even if they’re looking for none, and, again, will make you feel good, too. 

14. Let your partner know every day how important they are to you and the people in their life.

Not to be a downer, but we all know too well that life is short, fleeting, and altogether unpredictable. What if the last words you spoke to your partner were the ones you said today? Or you left words unsaid? How would you feel then? Or how would your partner feel if all of a sudden you were no longer there?

15. Buy or make them a gift for no reason in particular.

Surprise, surprise. You don’t need to jump out of the bushes or from behind a door to surprise your partner. And you don’t need to spend a lot either. Unless, of course, you choose to and can. If there’s something you know about that would enhance your partner’s life or that they would love, buy it for them for no particular reason at all except to show them that you were thinking of them and wanted to express your appreciation. 

16. Support their passions and goals with enthusiasm.

One of the most important ways on this list to demonstrate your appreciation is to offer your support for your’s partner’s passions and goals and do so with enthusiasm. If you’re having trouble getting behind them, ask your partner, without judgment, to communicate why what’s important to them is because you want to understand better. 

Next, figure out a way to demonstrate your support, even if you don’t necessarily understand or agree with them (so long as what they’re doing isn’t hurtful or dangerous to you or others). Communication, as always, is key here.

17. Give without expecting anything in return. 

There is no quid pro quo in a healthy relationship. Relationships should be about giving, not giving to receive. So give from your heart without expecting anything in return. This is true selflessness and a genuine way to show you appreciate that special person in your life.

18. Apologize if you’ve been ungrateful in the past.

If you’ve been neglectful in the past but want to do better, tell your partner so. Give them the apology they deserve, even if they weren’t expecting one or waiting for it. A genuine apology requires self-reflection and doesn’t come with you shifting blame for your behavior to them. 

To that end, think about your apology before you give it, and be prepared to stick with it. Most importantly, don’t condition your apology on receiving an acceptance of it. Acceptance of your apology could come right away, in time, or never. That’s strictly up to your partner, and you have no right to make any demands of them. 

19. Make a show of gratitude a daily part of your relationship.

If you make gratitude a part of your day every day, the gestures described above, however large or small, will become a habit, one you won’t even be conscious of but one you won’t be able to live without. Not to mention, your partner will likely come to appreciate you even more than they already do. 

Tall, Dark, Handsome, and Computer Generated? The Role of AI in Online Dating

One of the hardest parts of online dating is how much time and effort you have to put in, sometimes for what feels like little to no gain. You must spend time going through potential matches and talking with all sorts of people, often only to be met with a lackluster response, no response, or a date that goes nowhere.

According to a recent article in Slate, for some, the answer is AI. Such pioneers of the dating world use AI to help automate the process, including coming up with clever pick-up lines they believe will be more likely to gain interest. They also use AI to weed out potential suitors using a chatbot. As I’ve discovered, it’s even possible to use AI to come up with a dating profile written in the tone of a Taylor Swift song if you are into that sort of thing. 

As intriguing as these new technological “advances” sound at first, they are anything but that, given how there can be no substitute for the human experience when it comes to finding and vetting matches. AI, as intelligent as it is, can only do so much. 

AI can make it feel easier to be on dating apps, at least for a while, as well as make it more entertaining, though the novelty of these experiments does get old, too, and fast. But what will continue to be true is that you need people — from matchmakers, dating strategists, and, of course, singles themselves — at the core of every dating experience to make it worthwhile. Here’s why.

AI is just a tool.

Just like the dating apps themselves, AI is a tool. It can help support matchmaking, not become the matchmaker. The human aspect of matching, finding a partner, then keeping one will always remain integral to dating. After all, you have to live with the person you choose and who chooses you — all without the aid of AI. 

The point of dating apps is to find someone you have a connection with. So, once you do that, you want to get off the app as soon as possible. This is true for AI; if you use AI, you should have an express purpose and a timeline for its use. 

Maybe you struggle with coming up with an eye-catching dating profile and want AI to help get you started, or you don’t have confidence in the dating profile you wrote, so you prompt AI to embellish it. These tasks can be helpful.

However, for the best results, your use of AI should remain within the limited scope you set so you don’t become over-reliant on it. Remember, you, not AI, will be dating the people you match with, which is why …

You still need to know what you want.

An important detail to remember is that AI is not all-knowing. It relies on data and user input to be effective. For instance, if you want an opening line about hiking, you first must be in touch with your interests in hiking and your tone relative to those interests. If you’re not, the output won’t sound like you. 

The same goes for automating the swiping process. AI depends on what you tell it, meaning that you need to know what type of person you are looking for and what characteristics you’re searching for in that person. You also need to know what your dealbreakers are. 

Another significant issue with AI is its capacity to misinterpret information fed to it and, as a result, prioritize one characteristic over another in a way you wouldn’t have. AI doesn’t — and can’t — have your best interests at heart because it doesn’t have a heart.

The ability to be discerning will continue to fall on you even if you use AI, so it might be better to skip it altogether. Otherwise, you risk AI sending you in the wrong direction — toward an unsuitable match or away from a great one. It’s less likely that your instincts and judgments or those of a matchmaking professional and dating strategist you trust will steer you wrong because instincts and judgments are rooted in the human experience and our natural pull toward meaningful connections.

Human connection is crucial.

It’s impossible to replicate human connection, so you must develop the skills to connect with potential matches in the real world without the assistance of AI. When you connect to a potential partner through AI, an intermediary acts between you and the other person. Like the game of telephone, AI makes it easy to get your signals crossed and miss opportunities to connect on a deeper level.

Even if you match using AI as part of the process, you need to connect emotionally with your partner if you want a relationship to grow. An opening line created by AI might not hamper this, but continued conversation facilitated by AI can make it so that when you arrive at your first date, you’re not sure how to interact with the person in front of you. Or you might come off differently from AI’s presentation of you who your date interacted with, leaving you both confused. Bottom line: Without human connection, there’s no real relationship.

Final thoughts …

Minimizing the dating experience to the constraints of AI obviates the reason people date in the first place — to find love, companionship, and connection while having fun. These are uniquely human emotions and desires, which can never be understood by what’s not human. That said, AI can help with specific aspects of dating when used pointedly and responsibly. 

But regardless of how you choose to use AI to enhance your dating experience, if at all, one thing remains certain: You are in charge of your own dating experience. You control what you input into AI and how you use the information you receive. As in any other dating experience, you get what you give.

Mirror, Mirror, Would I Date Myself?

It’s super easy to go on a dating app, look at endless photos of people, and swipe right or left. Even on first dates, the majority of the time, you will know within five minutes whether you can see yourself going on a second date. However, if you’ve ever wondered whether you’d date yourself and your initial answer is, “Yes, I’m such a catch,” yet you keep attracting dud after dud, you might want to consider why no one has caught you.

The answer could be that you’ve simply been unlucky so far. Or that you haven’t been dating frequently enough. After all, dating is, in some respects, a numbers game. Meaning that, statistically, after a certain number of dates, you should eventually hit it off with someone, at least for a while. But if you’ve been dating regularly and you never seem to click with anyone, the issue could be much closer to home.   

If this is the conclusion you’ve arrived at, you have a choice to make. You could either keep things going the way they are now and rely on the probability that someone exists for you as you are in the present. Or, you could consider the possibility that there’s a glitch in your current dating protocol needing attention. 

While the most cliché breakup line in the book is, “It’s not you, it’s me,” it can’t always be them and never you. With this in mind, here’s what you could do to make yourself a better dating prospect, someone you’d want to date, let alone someone else.

Evaluate your past relationships.

There’s something to learn from every relationship, from a one-hour coffee date to a 30-year marriage. Ask yourself why the relationship ended. Did you reject your partner, did they reject you, or did you mutually part ways? Did your relationship end amicably, or was tension brewing for weeks or months that finally blew up in your face? Was there infidelity, a lack of chemistry, ghosting after sex, an odd remark that rubbed you the wrong way, or general incompatibility?

As you answer these questions about your past loves or crushes (yes, even about the first dates that never amounted to anything), be sure to explore any patterns, even the seemingly superficial trends in your dating history, such as what your dates look like or what they do for a living. As you will see, this information eventually comes together to indicate the two types of people you commonly date — the type you reject and the type that rejects you. I can pretty much guarantee you that there will be consistency between the makeup of the two groups.

Consider who you’ve been matching with and why.

Dating is about finding someone with similar values with whom you can envision sharing your life. Generally speaking, the matches you liked but didn’t like you back indicate the attributes you idealize, while the matches that liked you but you didn’t like back indicate the values you possess. Both types of matches are equally crucial in exploring yourself as a potential match.

There’s often a disconnect between yourself and your ideal match. For example, you may say you want to date someone ambitious and driven, but in reality, you’re still trying to figure out your career path. As a result, you keep repelling these same ambitious people. Or you may say you want to find someone who’s emotionally available, yet you keep attracting emotionally unavailable partners because you’re emotionally unavailable. See any trends?

Ask yourself the questions you would ask any potential match.

Leave your body for a bit, and imagine you’re on a date with yourself. Next, go through your list of must-haves for your ideal partner as well as your dealbreakers. As you review each item on your lists, ask yourself how you’d fare. 

You may find that, actually, no, you cannot meet the standards you’ve set. This is likely due to two reasons: Either you’ve set the bar so high it’s only possible for a select few to reach it, or you must still do more work on yourself before becoming a person you’d even remotely consider dating. To that end …

Work on yourself.

There’s a reason everyone gives this advice when you go through a breakup or have been single for a while. We’re attracted to people who share the same values as us, which means that if we don’t possess specific values ourselves, we need to be Ok with dating someone who doesn’t have them either or work toward adopting these values as our own.

Think about it in the following ways. If you want to date a career person, focus on your career. If you want to date someone with an athletic physique, hit the gym. If you want to (finally) date someone who isn’t afraid of commitment, go to therapy and get to the bottom of whatever is in your past that’s keeping you from being emotionally available. 

Final thoughts …

By becoming the perfect match for you first, you can bridge the disconnect between who you are and who you want in your life. So set your standards carefully, then work to meet, even exceed them. Once you truly want to date yourself, only then will you attract someone you want to date and who wants to date you, too.  

Is It Bad for Your Relationship to Sleep in Separate Bedrooms?

For many people, sleeping in the same bed is synonymous with a healthy relationship or marriage. But what do you do when sleeping in the same bedroom feels like it’s putting a strain on you or your partner? 

There are many reasons why people may choose to sleep apart, including snoring or the desire for more personal space. So prevalent are separate sleeping quarters that The New York Times covered this topic just recently. As the article describes, sleeping apart is not uncommon— many couples do not sleep in the same bed or even the same room.

But is such a setup desirable? More than that, can it negatively affect your relationship? There are numerous pros and cons regarding whether separate bedrooms are for you and your partner. Depending on your circumstances, the answer might be clear. But, if it isn’t, you can consider the following criteria as part of your decision-making.

Pro #1: Private Space

One of the most cited reasons why couples want separate bedrooms is for personal or private space. Especially when you live with another person, it can sometimes be difficult to define space as singularly yours, where you can go to relax independently. If you live in a small apartment or you and your partner work from home, you may feel this even more.

For some couples, separate bedrooms can fix the issue. At the end of the day, you can each retreat to your individual spaces, which you have decorated and arranged to meet your personal wishes and comforts. You can each have a place to unwind and process the day’s events without interruption.

Con #1: Emotional Distance

Though private space can be beneficial for some couples, as the Times article highlights, some psychologists express concern that separate spaces can create or heighten emotional distance in a relationship. If both partners have a busy or hectic workday, for example, time to wind down together before bed can be crucial for reconnecting.

Though you may value private space, even covet it, consider the impact that sleeping in different rooms could have or is having on the emotional connection you share with your partner currently. It might be the reason to keep sleeping in the same bedroom and look for other ways to create private space for yourself.

Pro #2: Better Sleep

Another reason couples cite for sleeping in separate bedrooms is sleep quality. If your partner snores and you are a light sleeper, for example, sleeping apart may be a viable solution. 

Sleeping by oneself is one way to remedy poor sleep. So if you or your partner find that your sleep is suffering because of you sharing a bedroom, it may be best for your health to switch it up and sleep elsewhere until the problem is resolved.

Con #2: Better Sleep Might be an Excuse

Though individual sleeping spaces can be beneficial for some people, it is important to make sure that better sleep is not just an excuse to mask a larger issue in your relationship. Should the real issue be that you do not like spending time with your partner or that you want to put some distance between you, better sleep may be the hollow reason you are using to justify sleeping in separate bedrooms.

So before making a move down the hall, consider if you are actually concerned about your sleep quality or looking for a way out — out of the bedroom or the relationship. By questioning yourself, you can ensure there are no other underlying issues.

Pro #3: Heightened Intimacy

Some couples find that sleeping in separate spaces actually heightens intimacy— emotional, sexual, or otherwise. For these couples, the added space between them makes the time they are together even more special.

Especially if you want more private space in your home, separate bedrooms can make other spaces feel more like areas designated for the two of you. Plus, because there are fewer occasions for spontaneous intimacy to occur, such as the time right before bed (as in you are both lying next to each other, so sex happens organically), intimacy can feel more intentional and, therefore, special.

Con #3: Loss of Casual Intimacy

Others raise concerns that sleeping apart can cause a loss of the casual or spontaneous intimacy which sharing a bedroom can bring. For these individuals, the intimacy that happens naturally at the end of the day is critical to a relationship, and sleeping in different bedrooms can lessen these opportunities.

Once again, whether this effect is a con depends on you and your partner’s needs and wants. The good news is with planning, you and your partner can make up for these bedtime rituals in other ways if you both commit to doing so. As long as there is still intimacy and connection, your relationship will likely stay strong.

Final thoughts …

Your sleeping arrangement should benefit you and your partner. Likewise, what works for you as a couple may not work for another or you with different partners. Your relationship patterns depend on your specific situation and your needs as they exist today. 

There are many factors that go into choosing a sleeping arrangement. But regardless of your choice, it should provide peacefulness in all the ways a good night’s sleep should, the kind that comes from being in a relationship you once only dreamed of but can now enjoy — day or night.

What Should I Expect on a Fourth Date?

Everyone talks about the first, second, and third dates, but what about the fourth date when you and your new love interest have gotten past the small talk? What then?

The fourth date is actually significant in terms of relationship building. You see, while on the first three dates, you’re still becoming acquainted. However, by the fourth date, you should already be past the basic get-to-know-you questions and feel comfortable enough around each other to dive a little deeper into what makes you each tick. 

More than that, you should be able to use the fourth date to determine whether you might be compatible in the long run. With these goals in mind, here’s what you should expect on a fourth date.

To feel more relaxed.

On a first date, it’s expected that you might have some jitters. However, if you’re invested in the process, you won’t talk yourself out of going, and you’ll show up as the very best version of yourself, just as you would for a job interview. You might think of the second and third dates as call-back interviews, which is why they often have a similar vibe to a first date, though they’re usually a smidge more relaxed. 

By the fourth date, you’ll want to let your guard down a bit and shed the interview-ready façade. In other words, on the fourth date, you can be a bit more casual and reveal more of your personality and quirks. You want the person you’re dating to get to know you and make sure that they like you (and you like them). So it’s best to be yourself.

To go on an activity date.

You likely went out for drinks, dinner, or both during your first three dates, and each date probably lasted no more than two or three hours. Regardless of how much fun these dates were, continuing to go out for only meals gets stale quickly. It’s also nice to see the person you’re dating in a different setting.

So, for a fourth date, you should be open to doing an activity together, preferably during the day. For example, suppose you and your partner bonded over your love of the beach. For your fourth date, you might want to go to one of your favorite beaches together. Alternatively, you might want to go on a hike (where there are other people), to a museum, or on a day trip to a cute town not too far away.

Partaking in an activity together is important because it gives you new experiences to talk about, new laughs and memories to share, and offers you an opportunity to learn more about the interests of the person you’re dating. Unlike dinner and drinks, which would only take a couple of hours, an activity generally requires several hours, giving you more time to get to know each other in a less formal manner than you would be able while sitting at a table or side by side at a bar.

To talk about more significant topics.

By the fourth date, you shouldn’t still be asking the person you’re dating what their favorite color is. Now that you’ve gotten to know them a little, it’s time to determine if you each have what it takes to be in a meaningful relationship with each other. To that end, you should start to ask them more significant questions about their life, values, and history. 

Ask questions about their upbringing, who their friends and family are, and what their career goals are, as well as questions geared toward your compatibility. Keep in mind that just as you want to get to know them, they’re going to want to get to know you. So don’t be afraid to open up about your own life, dreams, and aspirations, including those about your next relationship.  

It’s very important to have that more significant conversation because, while anyone can have fun together, relationship compatibility requires that your values, schedules, and goals align. This is the conversation where some potential dealbreakers, such as starkly different moral values or even just not being able to commit to seeing each other for the same desired amount of time, could arise. 

The bottom line is that you don’t want to waste each other’s time. Therefore, having these types of conversations is critical for deciding whether or not you should continue to see one another.

To get physical (maybe).

By the conclusion of the fourth date, you might be comfortable enough with the person you’re dating to consider getting physical. How physical is a personal decision, though I will say that I’m a firm believer in waiting to have sex until you’ve established a mutual understanding about whether or not you’re committed. If commitment is important to you, it’s best to wait until you have one before engaging in sexual activity. 

If you’re not ready for sex, don’t worry; you can glean a lot about chemistry from handholding, kissing, and other forms of physical touch. Physical compatibility shouldn’t be underestimated in a relationship. In healthy relationships, there’s usually a balance of physical compatibility with all the rest of the interests and values you share. 

To discuss the status of your relationship.

After the conclusion of the fourth date, it should be clear whether you wish to see this person again or part ways. So, you may find yourselves having a conversation about the nature of your relationship, at least where it might be headed. 

You could ask what the person you’re dating is looking for, as in a casual relationship or something more serious. Similarly, while you won’t necessarily become a “boyfriend and girlfriend” after the fourth date, you might find that the person you’re dating asks if you’re still on dating apps or seeing other people. Pro-tip: You should be honest with them.

So even if you don’t label your relationship, there’s the possibility that you may discuss exclusivity and the possibility of it as you continue to explore your current relationship. This topic can be a segue into revealing how you’re each feeling at this point. 

Final thoughts …

Whether your relationship continues after the fourth date, or one or both of you decide it’s time to say goodbye, look at the experience as a positive one, where you enjoyed some time together and hopefully learned a thing or two — about the other person, a skill, a piece of knowledge, or had some revelation about yourself. 

If the relationship is going to end, wish the other person well, and move on with your life. You never know when you will run into them again or who they know, so your goal should always be to end amicably. Remember, dating is a process, one you should do your best to enjoy and appreciate for the value it has.

How to Deal With Relatives Meddling in Your Relationship

Some relatives may feel they have a vested interest in your relationship and be compelled to offer unsolicited advice. Others may simply like to weigh in because they think they know best. Whatever their motivation, when relatives attempt to meddle in your relationship, it can feel intrusive and overbearing.  

Fortunately, you can take certain steps to deal with and stop well-intentioned (or perhaps not so well-intentioned) family members from interfering in your romantic life. And do so without burning a bridge between you and them.

Be intentional about sharing information and asking for advice.

It is important to consider whether you are inviting someone to comment on your relationship. In some instances, you may want advice. In this case, you should explicitly ask for it. 

Saying, “I have this problem. What should I do?” or “How did you handle this?” can be effective cues to the relative you are speaking to that you are open to and asking for their opinion. Ideally, the absence of these phrases will signal to them that the instances when you do not ask the questions are the times you are only looking to share.

Sometimes, however, people take you talking about a problem to mean that you want advice. Or they may think because you are talking about a specific topic, there is a problem that needs solving. Venting to a relative can be cathartic and helpful, but if you just want to vent, make sure that that is clear, ideally by telling them upfront.

If relatives insert themselves into your relationship even when there is no problem or request for advice, that may be a sign that you should stop sharing details about your relationship with them as frequently or at all. If a relative is still prone to giving unsolicited advice despite your best efforts, it is probably wise to go to them only when you want their opinion on something specific and steer clear of them otherwise. 

Or you can decide only to share details about your relationship with them when a big milestone is coming up, like getting engaged or buying a house. Even then, you will have to set boundaries. More about that later. 

Consider bias when asking for advice from relatives.

In addition to being intentional about sharing details concerning your relationship, you should consider the biases of the people with whom you choose to share those details. When you ask for advice, the relatives you ask are far from neutral; they have biases, likely not in your favor. This does not mean you must refrain from asking for advice altogether, but it does mean you should consider who you are talking to and what kind of biases they might have toward you or your partner.

For instance, if you are asking for help with a surprise for your partner, a relative can likely be a great help. Similarly, if you and your partner have a problem that your parents, for example, had or are considering doing something they have done, asking them how they handled a similar situation can be valuable. They may have insights you do not have.

That said, you may want to consider seeking the advice of a neutral third party for more serious matters. This could be someone like a counselor, but it is ideally someone who does not have a reason to favor one person in the relationship or a particular outcome from the situation or problem at hand. 

A counselor can give more neutral advice to you and your partner and will likely encourage you to look at a situation from various perspectives. A parent may be a good resource, but they are not as likely to consider your partner’s perspective, meaning the advice you get may be skewed in your favor and, as a result, can negatively affect your relationship now or down the road.

If you are worried about whether bias may cloud the advice or lead to meddling, ask yourself this before inviting someone to comment on your relationship: Should you reasonably or realistically expect this person to already be on a side? If so, you can pretty much assume their leanings will impact the advice you are asking for.

Set boundaries.

Setting boundaries with family members can be challenging, but getting them to stop meddling in your relationship is essential for your well-being and your partner’s. Even family members with the purest of intentions may not realize that what they are doing is meddling. Some people just need a firm boundary to realize their actions’ negative effects.

For instance, if your parents thinks that they know what’s best for you and talk about your relationship with you as part of that mindset, say to them, “I feel like you are not treating me like an adult when you give me unsolicited advice about my relationship.” Then add, “I appreciate your concern and input, but please don’t provide commentary unless I ask for it in the future.” These two simple sentences can be a clear signal that their behavior is unwelcome. 

Sometimes saying something as concise as, “Thank you, but this is between [your partner’s name] and me,” can set a precedent. It offers little room for relatives to offer unsolicited advice without going against your wishes. A short but firm boundary can go a long way.

Finally, consider what a hard line is for you and what you are willing to let slide. Maybe you are OK with a relative being critical of a choice you and your partner made for your wedding, for example. or another significant milestone, but you are unwilling to listen to their critique of your partner. 

What topics are tolerable will change from person to person. But knowing what those topics are and communicating them to others with authority can make boundaries clearer and easier to establish and enforce when the time comes.

Enforce the boundaries you set.

If you have been intentional about who to talk to, have considered the potential biases, and set boundaries, and yet your relatives are still meddling in your relationship, you should take steps to enforce your boundaries. Ideally, your relatives would see the boundaries you set and respect them. But in cases where they do not, you should speak up sooner than later, preferably after the first violation.

In some cases, keeping these types of relatives at arm’s length may be best if they continue not to respect your boundaries. This gives you more autonomy over what they know and allows you to decide when you want them to give advice. 

Final thoughts …

Ultimately, setting boundaries and being aware of bias and intentionality are effective tools for dealing with meddling relatives. Though you may be unable to change their ways, you can seek to educate your relatives about how they can interact with you more respectfully, especially where your relationship is concerned. 

But most importantly, engaging in these practices will change your behavior regarding how you interact with your relatives about something that belongs to you — your relationship, thereby shifting the balance of power back to you. Where it belongs.

How Much Contact Is Appropriate When Dating Someone New?

How much contact is appropriate when dating someone new really comes down to preference. Some people like to talk or text frequently, while others prefer to keep communication more low-key.  

Though there is no set formula for how much time your should spend communicating during the early stages of dating, there are a couple of rules you should abide by. The first is to listen to your gut.  

For example, if you feel as though you are receiving too many contacts from someone and their interest comes off as smothering or, worse, creepy, consider that they may not be right for you. If, however, you are interested in continuing to communicate, politely ask them to pull back to a communication level that is comfortable for you. Then see if they oblige.  

The second rule is to take your cues from the other person regarding your own level of contact. In other words, if you are getting the vibe from them that they are feeling smothered by you or weirded out, pull back. It may be that you are coming on too strong or that the other person doesn’t have the same level of interest in exploring a relationship together as you do. Regardless, act accordingly and in a way that is respectful to the other person, moving on if that is the desired outcome for them.  

Apart from extreme behavior, how much communication feels right will also vary from relationship to relationship and is very much a part of what makes a match a good one. Ultimately, the amount of contact should be a mutual decision between both parties.  

To that end, communicate your feelings and expectations to your partner from the beginning and throughout the various stages of dating. It is just as critical to listen to your partner about the same. Below are a few guidelines for how much contact may be appropriate in your current situation.  

What is the appropriate amount of contact before meeting a new love interest in person?  

It is important to take the time to get to know one another before meeting in person. This is not only for safety reasons, but so you can also have an enjoyable experience when you do meet.  

Contact could include talking over text or phone about your interests, hobbies, and passions. It can also include preliminary discussions about your family makeup.  

More in-depth conversations should be tabled until you get to know each other better. That said, if you spot any dealbreakers during these initial contacts, you may wish to end your interaction before meeting in person.   

What is the appropriate amount of contact after a first date?  

If both parties are interested and comfortable with further contact, making a new plan for a second date may be appropriate, either at the end of the first date or during a follow-up text or call. At a minimum, the person who requested the date should confirm on the day of the date so there is no confusion.   

If there isn’t a strong connection or either party is not interested in further contact following a first date, a simple text or call to thank them for their time is usually sufficient. Unless you fear for your safety, don’t just ghost in either scenario.  

What is the appropriate amount of contact after a few dates?  

Generally speaking, a few text messages each day or every other day at this stage and a phone call or video chat once a week may be a good starting point. Picking up too much momentum early on could cause an otherwise strong match to fizzle out quickly. The best way to grow a strong relationship is to do so gradually.    

Remember, having a few dates doesn’t mean you are in a relationship, so it is still necessary to gauge by the other’s person’s responses how much communication between you both feels right. Expressing yourself is equally as critical. 

What is the appropriate amount of contact after you sleep with someone you are dating?  

After sex, some people may want to spend more time together and talk more often, while others may want to take a step back to assess the relationship. It is up to you and your partner to decide what is appropriate for your relationship.  

It is usually best to communicate with each other before sleeping together about expectations for communication once you have been intimate. This conversation should include the issue of what sex will mean in terms of your relationship status and whether or not you will become exclusive.  

What is the appropriate amount of contact after you have been dating for a few months?  

Generally, at this stage of dating, daily contact is typical, whether through texting, talking on the phone, video chatting, or some combination thereof. Some couples may prefer to talk or text multiple times a day, while others may prefer to communicate less.  

How much contact may also be determined by how often you see each other. Irrespective of your schedules, always be sure to respect each other’s preferences and boundaries. 

What is the best way to communicate to someone you are dating that you would like more contact? 

The best way to communicate with someone you are dating whom you would like more contact with is to clearly and directly express your feelings. Expressing your feelings can be done in person, over the phone, or even via text, although this last option is probably the least effective and can potentially cause miscommunication as text often does.  

Make sure that you are honest and explain why you would like more contact, such as wanting to spend more time together or wanting to engage in deeper conversations. Being open and honest about how you feel will help ensure that your message is heard and understood. 

What is the best way to communicate to someone you are dating that you would like less contact?  

On the flip side, the best way to communicate with someone you are dating with whom you would like less contact is to come right out and say it. Explain your needs and feelings in a respectful manner, making sure to show that you value the other person and the relationship.  

Let them know that you appreciate the time you spend together but that you need some space. Be open to listening to their concerns and work together to come up with a plan that works for both of you. 

What if the person you are dating does not respect your wishes about wanting more or less contact with them?  

If the person you are dating does not respect your wishes about wanting more or less contact with them, address the issue directly. Talk to them about your needs and expectations and why you want what you do.  

Should they still not respect your wishes and boundaries, then you may need to assess whether or not this is a relationship worth continuing. Always prioritize your safety.  

How can I find someone who enjoys the same amount of contact in a relationship that you do?  

The best way to find someone who enjoys the same amount of contact in a relationship as you do is to be clear about your needs and expectations. Be sure to communicate your desires and boundaries to potential partners early on in the relationship.  

 Additionally, you can look for people who share similar values and interests as you. This can be an indicator that they may have similar needs for contact. 

Final thoughts … 

If you are consistently finding that the people you date find you overbearing because of your communication style, take some time to assess why it is you communicate the way you do. Reasons can range from having too much time on your hands to being insecure.    

Finally, be sure to give yourself adequate time and space to get to know someone. Remembering all the while that the first person you need to communicate with openly and honestly is yourself. 

Have Dating Apps Destroyed Your Chance at Romance?

Dating apps have cemented themselves as part of the modern dating pathos. Many people see them merely as an extension of hookup culture, not as a means to finding romance.  

As a longtime matchmaker who employs technology to an age-old practice, I’m here to tell you that dating apps can be effective. Notice I say can and not will. The question of whether you find romance using dating apps turns not on your use of dating apps but on how you use them.  

Below are a few pieces of advice for utilizing dating apps to realize their potential. And yours.   

Change your perspective. 

One of the most enticing aspects of dating apps is just how many people you can meet and match with on them; there’s a seemingly infinite number of potential matches for you. While exciting, it can also keep you on the apps as you search for the “perfect” person.  

Changing your perspective is, therefore, key to using dating apps. Instead of viewing dating apps as synonymous with the dating process, think of them as a means to an end. Your goal shouldn’t be to find the “perfect” person or to “win” at dating apps. Rather, your goal should be to meet as many people as possible who meet the criteria you set and to keep the momentum going with those you hit it off with in real life. 

By changing how you think about the purpose of dating apps and making meeting like-minded people a priority, you can better protect yourself from getting addicted to dating apps, especially the process of swiping. In theory, you could swipe indefinitely, but doing so won’t actually help you find a partner in the long run. 

Don’t make dating apps your only tool for meeting other singles. 

Using dating apps as a means to meet other singles is great. You can meet people you wouldn’t otherwise, and you can find people who share similar goals. That said, you shouldn’t fall into the trap of just using dating apps. 

Dating apps should be one method for meeting potential partners, not the only one. If you over-rely on dating apps, you risk losing sight of the reason you’re actually using them. For instance, though you may use dating apps to meet as many people as possible, the number of people on dating apps can be overwhelming and turn you off altogether, creating an effect opposite to what you intended when you first began using them. 

It’s important to remember that the people you talk to on dating apps exist offline and that there are lots of people who don’t use dating apps at all. You should, therefore, be sure to make attempts to meet people outside of dating apps — by going to in-person events dedicated to helping singles meet, attending parties, or even asking friends or family to set you up. Taking these extra steps helps you meet more people while preventing you from becoming over-reliant on dating apps. 

Manage your expectations. 

Another way to keep your relationship with dating apps healthy is to keep your expectations in check. Dating apps can offer a lot of great opportunities, but they aren’t perfect. 

There are numerous reasons people sign up for dating apps. Some are looking for romance and partnership, just like you. However, others use dating apps solely for hookups or even for infidelity. You’ll likely be exposed to such people when you’re using dating apps, too. If you keep this possibility in mind, it can help you keep your expectations in check. 

Additionally, the number of people who use dating apps can once again come back to bite you. Though dating apps pretty much guarantee you’ll be exposed to lots of people, it also means that not everyone you encounter will be a good match.  

This reality isn’t necessarily bad — opposites attract for a reason. But it’s important to keep in mind that the only thing you may have in common with some people is that you’re both on the app.  

Not to mention, you simply won’t click with everyone, even if you seem like a fit right off the bat. Keeping this in mind can also help you manage your expectations so that you don’t feel let down all the time. 

Don’t continue to communicate on the apps. 

If you meet someone that you like on a dating app, you should try and move your conversations off the app as quickly as possible. Switch to texting, calling, or even emailing instead of chatting on the app. This move will help both of you change your thinking about potential. Instead of being merely another instance of matching, you’ll actually be pursuing some type of relationship. 

In the same vein, you should try to meet in person fairly quickly. This lets you establish your expectations early on and can help you weed out people who aren’t looking for anything more than a texting or phone relationship.  

It also helps you to establish a relationship that’s independent of the app. Dating apps are effective tools for meeting other singles, but they shouldn’t be the driving force for your relationship once you’ve connected. 

Keep your standards high. 

It’s critical to remember that you’re allowed to have standards and set your own boundaries when using dating apps. It can sometimes be challenging to keep this top of mind or enforce your boundaries consistently because of how many people you interact with on dating apps daily, but it’s important for you and your potential relationships, as well as your mental health, that you do so. 

So keep your standards high. For instance, if you have certain behaviors that you wouldn’t normally tolerate on a first date — rudeness to you or to the wait staff, for instance — don’t tolerate it just because you met online. You’re entitled to respect and high standards regardless of where you met the person. 

Additionally, respect and enforce your boundaries. Especially because so many people use dating apps for hookups or flings, you may feel like you need to be a part of that culture. Indeed, people have expectations about what’s “normal” when using dating apps. Even in the face of those expectations, it’s important to maintain and prioritize your boundaries and yourself. Doing so protects you from ending up in a relationship with someone who doesn’t respect you. 

Final thoughts … 

Though dating apps have altered how people date, don’t let them cause you to lose hope. There are other people on dating apps looking for romance just like you, and more offline.  

So take comfort in using dating apps as the tool they’re meant to be, keeping their overarching purpose in mind. All the while remembering that the only person who can ever destroy your chances at romance is you.  

The Benefits of Close Personal Relationships and How You Can Find Them

It is widely accepted that strong personal connections are a predictor of physical and mental health and happiness long term. Indeed, a recent article in the Wall Street Journal detailing the findings of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, which, since 1938, has tracked (and continues to do so today) 724 men and their now 1300 plus male and female descendants, notes that the common factor for health and happiness is good relationships.   

This finding should come as no surprise; humans are social creatures, continuously seeking both fulfilling relationships and a strong sense of community. It is why it can feel so overwhelmingly negative when you don’t feel like you share these deeper bonds with others. Fortunately, there are specific actions you can take to strengthen your relationships so that they are more meaningful and long-lasting.

Understand the difference between communal and exchange relationships and how your relationship operates.

If you are focused on having a long, successful relationship, it is important to know the varying ways in which relationships can be interpreted so you may understand common patterns better. An indicator that has been found to predict the success of long-term romantic relationships is the categorization of communal versus exchange relationships. 

Communal relationships are those in which partners pay less attention to exchange and equity in favor of supporting their partner’s needs without consideration of the cost to themselves. In exchange relationships, on the other hand, each partner tracks their contributions to the relationship in order to maintain strict equity. 

Subconsciously, many couples in long-term relationships pay attention to equity in order to ensure they are being treated fairly. However, in successful relationships, partners often grant periods of time in which one person is in need of more support without this inequity damaging the relationship.

Surround yourself with positive influences.

It makes sense that we become similar to the people around us. The best and worst of others’ personalities can rub off on us, which is why it is so important that our relationships are with those who inspire us to be better. The concept comes down to this: If you have a friend who engages in a positive behavior you would like to attempt — having a steady workout routine or being great at small talk, for example  — and you witness how these actions make their life better, you may be more likely to try these behaviors out yourself. 

Of course, this doesn’t mean you should enter relationships for the sole purpose of what you can gain. Rather, you should look at how you can complement someone and enhance someone else’s life, too. Hopefully, over time you will come to function as an inspiration to them in the same way they are to you.

Explore and invest in healthy communication.

Everyone communicates with each other, but learning how to communicate with others, particularly your romantic partner, in a healthy manner is one of the most important ways you can be successful in maintaining a relationship long-term. Learning about the different communication styles people use can help you understand how someone expresses themself, as well as how you choose to communicate in response. 

The five most basic communication styles are passive, aggressive, passive-aggressive, assertive, and manipulative. Generally, it is believed that we should all strive to be assertive communicators in our relationships, as this helps individuals advocate for themselves without violating the rights of those with whom they are involved. Of course, not everyone is naturally an assertive communicator, which is why paying attention to your responses — both verbal and nonverbal — in conversations can tell you a lot about yourself as a partner. 

Some basic ways to improve your communication with your partner include practicing the golden rule, letting go of blame, and focusing on what you can control. Communication is an imperfect art that you develop with your partner through trial and error, but regardless, finding ways to communicate openly and honestly is vital to the health of your relationship. 

Prioritize your relationships.

The advice to prioritize your relationships sounds simple enough, but as you enter various phases of life regarding your career or personal interests, it can become difficult to consistently respond to friends reaching out or trying to establish a deeper romantic relationship. Placing emphasis on the stable relationships you want to invest your time and effort into can, therefore, be helpful. 

This intention can be expressed in many ways, whether by scheduling a longstanding date night or regularly texting friends who don’t live nearby. The important takeaway is to show up consistently and give the relationship you value your all. 

For those relationships primarily limited to online interactions, it can be difficult to feel connected. However, if you set your mind to it, there are always ways to remind those you care about that you love and support them.

Final thoughts …

Investing in your healthy and mutually beneficial relationships can only add to your sense of belonging and serve to diminish feelings of loneliness that can come up. Once you master the communication styles in your various relationships, your bond with those individuals will likely grow stronger. 

The best part? You will probably begin showing up for yourself and others in ways you never have before due to the joy these strong relationships bring to your life. A life you couldn’t imagine living without these special individuals— the ones you chose and who chose you — in it.