The question of who pays when taking a trip with a new partner for the first time is common. It’s not surprising, as many factors can come into play when deciding what feels right to you personally and for the health of your new relationship. If you’re about to embark on this milestone (which raises different financial considerations from dating) and are unsure how best to handle the money, here are a few questions to ask yourself before deciding, not in any specific order.
Who did the inviting?
Even though one person does the inviting, it’s helpful not to rely on that as code for that person offering to pick up the tab, even though it would stand to reason they would. This assumption is no longer necessarily true in today’s dating world.
If you’re at all concerned about expectations, you should leave nothing up to chance. Ask. Just because someone is wealthy or has more money than you do doesn’t mean they will automatically want or expect to pay for everything.
How long have you known each other?
It’s important to consider how long you’ve known each other. Yes, some people take trips with a partner they haven’t known for very long. As long as you’re being safe, meaning you’ve vetted them as best you can, that’s your prerogative.
That being said, though you may be fine investing your time in someone you don’t know well, you also need to consider what financial investment you’re comfortable with. Even a weekend away can be pricey.
To avoid unwanted surprises, consider whether you would feel more comfortable going to Capri with friends, as they’re a known quantity. This means you can pretty much count on your trip not getting ruined, as new relationships that haven’t endured the stressors of traveling together can fall apart fast.
What can each of you afford?
If you’re still up for taking the risk that the trip may not be all you hoped for because of who you’re with, it’s best to really look at the numbers and then add to your budget in case the trip doesn’t go according to plan and you need to part ways while away. Translation: You could end up paying more than you expected.
Should you determine that your budget doesn’t allow for what you’re either proposing or have been invited to, speak up immediately. You don’t know this person for long or well, and they have no allegiance to you or your financial well-being. That’s on you.
Be your own advocate from the beginning, and avoid awkward situations or spending more than you want to or can. Paying for a vacation months after you get home, even if it went great, can tarnish the memories.
Do you see a future with this person?
This question also speaks to investment. If you don’t see a future with this person, be honest with yourself and them about your feelings before going away together. First, a sincere person doesn’t take from someone, whether a meal or a trip, when they have already decided they’re not into that person and don’t see a future. So, if that’s you, and you’re just looking to have a good time, think about contributing.
Second, you always have the option to say you’d like to see where your relationship heads before taking a couples trip. You’re not taking the possibility of traveling together off the table for good, but just for right now. You may feel differently later.
Will you be happy with the arrangement you’re considering?
If, after going through the above analysis with yourself and the person you’re dating, you decide to move forward with the trip and have agreed to a financial arrangement, make sure you’re happy with it. This goes for today and after you get back. There’s nothing like harboring resentment to snuff out a spark.
A better alternative? Treat that spark with care, as you would a campfire you’re trying to light. As you probably know, to get a good fire going, it takes patience, attention, and respect for the forces of nature.
Burgeoning love is one of those forces, leaving it up to you to handle it and those who potentially offer it with respect. The person you’re dating should do the same for you. As you will discover, when you and a partner have the same itinerary, it will become much more likely that you will find yourself on the trip of a lifetime in every way that matters.